Well, gentle readers, this is the last Below Deck Med recap of the season. And what a wild ride it has been. I have found Captain’s Sandy’s edit to be particularly interesting. She went from BEST CREW EVER! To YOU ALL SUCK in the last few episodes. To be fair, I am not sure if […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Sweet White Glove O’ Mine
This day has gotten away from me. I stayed up WAY too late last night. So this Below Deck Med recap may be even worse than usual. 🙂 I was up very, very, VERY late working on a new post for Friday or Saturday about a new show to recommend. Because, binge watching. Anyway, on […]
Below Deck Med Recap: HOLY SHIP!
Y’all. What is wrong with me? I feel like I am on spring break or Rumspringa! I have this new, fuck it all sort of why don’t we get drunk and screw attitude gong on. For one thing it is hot as hell again this week. So I am drinking like a fish, not eating, […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Nauti Girls Need Love Too
With Ben’s return to the show, you also get me back on Below Deck Med recaps! So, um yay?! The show hasn’t even started yet and I am already worried about Colin. Hopefully, his wrist isn’t broken. But, that sure did look like a hard fall. We are back on-board with the obnoxious female guests […]
Below Deck Med Recap: It’s Ben A Long Time
Oh hey, it’s me Tamara, filling in once again for this Below Deck Med Recap! The thing is that I watched the show very late last night and then deleted it. So this should be an interesting adventure for all of us. We all know I can’t remember anything. So we started with a crying […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Don’t Cry For Me, Sirocco
by Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med Recap. This week, dysfunction aboard the Sirocco becomes explosive, and by journey’s end someone has tendered their resignation and abandoned ship. First off, I must question why Bravo felt they needed 90 minutes special for tonight’s episode. The drama that unfolded here is would translate to […]
Below Deck Med: Monte Car-loco
by Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med Recap, in which beautiful people will drink and make out in the pleasure capital of the Mediterranean, and Joao will slut-shame them all. Sorry to have missed last week’s fun, my fine friends, and I’m not quite back to working order yet. Anyone out there dealing […]
Below Deck Med Recap: June, June, Hannah.
Ahoy Mates! This Below Deck Med recap will be brought to you by me, TT as the Dalai Mama had an unexpected personal emergency to deal with at the last minute. Light your Saint Guadalupe, or Saint Valentina candles for her if you got them. Here is the thing, I watched this week’s episode a […]
Below Deck Med: A Whole Different Ball Game
by Dalai Mama On tonight’s Below Deck Med recap we pick up at the nightclub where June has just hurled into a garbage can. Hannah and Travis start canoodling a little. “There will be no feelings this season,” she declares resolutely in her talking head. The producer points out that she and Travis just made […]
Below Deck Med: What Eze the Problem?
by Dalai Mama The Below Deck Med Recap is relieved to announce that the Great Cutlery Conundrum of 2019 is over. The guests have their sky picnic with miracle forks and knives. As the world’s eyes turn to June, she bleats her innocence with more vocal fry than Lindsey Lohan on Oprah. Production helpfully Ramona-Singers […]
Below Deck Med: All Hail the Queen
by Dalai Mama Your Below Deck Med Recap awaits you. As we join our friends they are still out clubbing. Joao is marinating himself in tequila after biting Anastasia’s head off. The gang hits the dance floor and many Elaine From Seinfeld spastic dance moves occur. Travis snogs Hannah, while Aesha bumps and grinds like […]
Below Deck Med: Knot Today, Anchors
by Dalai Mama Welcome to your Below Deck Med Recap of the week. We open with menacing music. Colin has broken the boat, or at least the anchor. Sandy says “we have a situation”. Jack exults in the fact that his invertebrate work ethic had him goofing off at the time. Therefore he cannot be […]
Below Deck Med: 99 Problems But A Chef Ain’t One
By Dalai Mama On tonight’s Below Deck Med Recap, the saga of Mila the Cook Who Was Not a Chef continues. This is feeling as overmilked as the frosting on my strawberry Pop Tart. Cordon Blah We have to relive Captain Sandy’s breathless litany of praise for Mila. I’m as exhausted as Gilligan on the […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med recap, in which we collectively pray for the hasty performance of a Milabotomy on the good ship Sirocco. I need to preface this recap with a little uncomfortable statement regarding my own personal Below Deck situation. I’m having my first colonoscopy tomorrow at oh dark-thirty. So […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Cannes You Cook?
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med recap. As we tune in, the chronically affable guests have left, and the crew is heading out to blow off some steam. The lucky few in the non-Mila car are unaware of the source of tension spreading like rancid mayonnaise on a hate sandwich. Large amounts […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Recipe For Disaster
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the HMS Below Deck Med Recap. Come aboard. We’re expecting you. We begin with a little rehash of the Great Taco Skirmish of ’19. Hannah affirms that communication with Captain Sandy is going to be priority this season. Therefore, Hannah is appointing herself Chief Taster. Not so much as a single […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Pardon Your French
By Dalai Mama Welcome to my first Below Deck Med recap. I’m Dalai Mama, cruise director of recreational maritime hedonism. Come on board the HMS Sirocco. Let’s dive right in and meet our crew, shall we? We are graced once again with the leadership of my First Imaginary Future Wife, Captain Sandy Yawn. In addition, […]
Ross Inia Has Been Arrested In West Palm Beach
UPDATE: I reached out to a local who gave me the following brief update.”Ross has talked with Captain Lee. His court date is 1/24/2019. He is in the process of retaining counsel and is looking forward to resolving this unfortunate incident and putting it all behind him. Captain Lee doing what he can to help […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: The Crew Comes For Hannah And I Come For Captain Sandy
Andy starts by asking if Hannah and Conrad are still together. Why is that even a question? Then he asks Joao and Brooke if they are still together and there is a bit of hesitation but Brooke says no. Andy says he’s heard there has been some back and forth and wants to know how […]
Below Deck Mediterranean Finale: Definitely Not Prague
It’s time for the finale. Which is great because I can’t take too much more of this season where I am forced to be Team Hannah. My hatred for Joao knows no bounds. Hannah’s bullshit change fees seem to have doubled from the last episode and are now a whopping $400. Hannah sees herself as […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: One Million Percent
We are back in Naples with Hannah being condescending to Conrad calling him “sweetheart” while he is trying to break up with her. He also tells her he doesn’t want to go to Prague with her. She’s pissed and pissy about it and walks off. Also fighting are Brooke and Joao. Joao has been gleefully […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Stew Coup
Colin is actually getting a storyline tonight! I’m sure it will be brief but I’ll take what I can get. I really hate this group of guests. They are almost as bad as those terrible women. Brooke tells Hannah that she feels like she is doing all of the work. She cries cleaning up the […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: We Used To Be Friends
What a drama-filled day at Tamara Tattles Media, LLC today. It’s not just all the posts, it’s all the behind the scenes drama and tea. I’ve been typing and reading since the moment I got up. My eyes are blurry and need a rest, but there just isn’t time. Hannah uncharacteristically loans Brooke a leather […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Take This Job And Stew It
We pick up back on shore where most everyone is drunk and Hannah and Conrad are arguing over whether or not Hannah has an expectation that her man be rich and shower her with gifts (she does) or whether she wants to marry for love (I think both are important to her). Adam comes out […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Mo’ Euros, Mo’ Problems
This episode is going to piss me off. I can feel it already. After sending Hannah away, she calls Conrad to the bridge to ask him what happened with the land trip. I mean, it’s pretty simple really. The guests wanted to go ashore and he took them. But she doesn’t even let him speak […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Hannah, Hannah, Sandy?
Based on the title, I’m going to say that things come to a head between Hannah and Sandy. We pick up down one stew (Hannah) and one deckhand (Jamie). And the primary has decided they want to have a beach picnic, twenty minutes before lunch. Things go surprisingly well on the quick set up. Kasey […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Panic At The Deck-O
I’m not much of a hate watcher. If I hate a show I watch something I do like. However, I am really enjoying this season of Below Deck even though Captain Sandy, Joao and Kasey are extremely dislikable this season. Every season needs a villain, but three? It’s irking me to no end. And now […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Bizarre Love Triangle
I am so glad that Below Deck is back tonight! I might have been a bit bored with a whole week without Bravo. That said, I didn’t miss Captain Sandy or Joao at all. I really tried to like Captain Sandy and hate how some of the crew calls her “Sandy” it seems very disrespectful […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Walking On Broken Glass
It’s crazy to me that the girls are pissed about Kasey fake CV but the guys all say, “everyone does that.” This theme seems to hold true in comments here and on social media. I’m just surprised. Also, Sandy was CHASTISING Colin for pointing out how SKEEVY Joao is. She is really enamored with him. […]
Below Deck: Hasta Barista, Baby!
I cannot tell you how happy I am about the title of this episode. I’m so over Kasey the Klueless this season. I hope it gives us some more airtime for Colin! Unfortunately, Captain Sandy’s fake storyline about Conrad being too distracted by Hannah to do his job ramps up tonight. That annoys me so […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Can I Get Fries With That?
We begin with the guests arriving to dinner two hours late. This is another group that wants chicken nuggets and fries. It’s like they have never eaten adult food. They are still serving at around twelve fifteen. They literally ask for french fries. Then they want huge sparklers for candles that set off the fire […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Demand & Supply
I hate how editing makes me like and dislike different people every season. How did I get to be Team Hannah this season? Sandy is being awful this season. She’s not looking out for Jaime who is being undermined as a deckhand strictly for being female. She doesn’t seem to care that Kasey is completely […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Bad Vibrations
Let’s hope this week’s title refers to the relations between the crew and not another group of nasty women. We are back with the crew just back from their drunken land outing. Joao, as it turns out is even more of a misogynist drunk than he is sober. He was highly inappropriate with the ladies […]