It feels like I have writing Below Deck Med recaps for all of quarantine. It feels like the longest season ever. And it’s time to watch this hot mess of a season for you so you don’t have to. You’re welcome. I’m starving so this might be late. We start with Tom making Aesha cry […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Cool As A Cucumber
Is it me or is this season NEVER GOING TO FUCKING END? At any rate, here we go with another Below Deck Med recap where I save most of you from actually having to watch this. But before we go forward, has anyone gotten tested for COVID lately? Is it still a swab that basically […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Whole New Ballgame
Tonight I have two recaps to do, this Below Deck Med recap and a 90 Day Fiance Recap. How different the two are. I feel like Below Deck Med will never end and really want to be put out of my misery. And tonight is the last episode of 90 Day Fiance The Other way […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Welcome Back
ARGH! This is episode 13 of the season. It looks like there are still at least five more Below Deck Med recaps at least in this shit season. Also, this season has the highest rating of them all. So, I guess they are tuning in to see Tom, the world’s greatest yacht chef have a […]
Below Deck Med Recap: There’s No Place Like Home
I’m trying to work up a full head of steam to hate watch this crapola for you. Nanette, who has been pulling photos for me claims this episode will be EPIC. Oddly, I am eating “sort of not really nachos” during this Below Deck Med recap. It was not planned. lol. And it’s fucking vegetarian […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Cabin Fever
Oh Joy! Tonight I get to watch Below Deck Med so you don’t have to! The things I do for love. 🙂 Hopefully tonight’s Below Deck Med recap won’t have much Sandy as I believe it is the episode where the crew gets a short holiday. Hopefully, Hannah can get time far, far away from […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Closing Time
It’s time to hate watch as Micromanager Sandy does the unthinkable and probably fires Chef Kiko. I can’t wait to see what stupid request the charter guests have been told by production to ask for this time. Native American Indian food? Branson, Missouri food? Martian food? Clearly, Kiko’s contract was for a certain number of […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Viva Loss Vegas
Before I start tonight’s Below Deck Med recap, I have a few quick things to mention. I was watching the end of last week’s Below Deck Med with “unseen” footage. One new scene was the primary privately telling Micromanager Sandy that there was a noticeable friction between the crew. She automatically assumed it was Hannah […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Rise & Don’t Shine
It’s time for another Below Deck Med recap. These charter guests are super annoying. Captain Sandy is also getting more annoying by the hour. I am also annoyed because it is hot as balls in the shack today. The air has been set to 67 for several days straight and it is currently 80 degrees […]
Below Deck Med Recap: No Mushroom For Error
It seems like Bravo is trying to mess with our DVR schedules again. They have been doing it with MDLLA, by making it an extra fifteen minutes of the actual show. But, I have a gut feeling that the reason tonight’s episode is an extra half hour of WWHL. Because the second airing is only […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Bringing The Thunder
Tap! Tap! Is this thing on? I got up today with full intentions of being production and then, well…there is always tomorrow. I did put through some Nene fans in the first Nene post about the celebrity video show. And commented. That was about the most productive I have been today. I did make cheese […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Ace Of Stew Face
Tonight we begin the Below Deck Med recaps with much less Pete! I could not be happier about that. The fucktard recently responding to his firing by basically saying he enjoys sex with all races of women and therefore cannot be racist. He is not even smart enough to at least pretend he sees the […]
Below Deck Med Recap: The Italian’s Job
Sorry for the delay on this Below Deck Med recap. It’s not just that my sleep schedule is off, it’s that all I want to do is sleep. I’m dealing with a bit of narcolepsy. But I really want to watch this show and see if Lara gets fucking fired, as she should be. 🙂 […]
Stassi Schroeder Is Pregnant?
Multiple site are claiming that Stassi Schroeder is Pregnant. Stassi has not confirmed the news. The stories are based on photos of Stassi and Beau taken yesterday afternoon. Stassi is wearing a long cardigan and the speculation is that she is trying to cover a baby bump. Stassi has previously commented that she and Beau […]
Below Deck Med Recap: You Can’t Touch This!
Now, it’s time to temporarily leave TLC and return to Bravo for another Below Deck Med Recap. I am a bit unhappy that Hannah gets fired this season for hooking up with a guest again. Can’t a chief stew get a little guest dick once in a while? It’s very stressful having to work for […]
Below Deck Med Recap: I Like Big Boats & I Cannot Lie
As I am working on the setups for this Below Deck Med Recap, trying to collect all the new names for the tags (links you can find under every post to navigate to related subjects) the Secret Service and National Guard and God knows who else are tear gassing a large group of protesters who […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Love, Love Me Stew
Well, gentle readers, this is the last Below Deck Med recap of the season. And what a wild ride it has been. I have found Captain’s Sandy’s edit to be particularly interesting. She went from BEST CREW EVER! To YOU ALL SUCK in the last few episodes. To be fair, I am not sure if […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Sweet White Glove O’ Mine
This day has gotten away from me. I stayed up WAY too late last night. So this Below Deck Med recap may be even worse than usual. 🙂 I was up very, very, VERY late working on a new post for Friday or Saturday about a new show to recommend. Because, binge watching. Anyway, on […]
Below Deck Med Recap: HOLY SHIP!
Y’all. What is wrong with me? I feel like I am on spring break or Rumspringa! I have this new, fuck it all sort of why don’t we get drunk and screw attitude gong on. For one thing it is hot as hell again this week. So I am drinking like a fish, not eating, […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Nauti Girls Need Love Too
With Ben’s return to the show, you also get me back on Below Deck Med recaps! So, um yay?! The show hasn’t even started yet and I am already worried about Colin. Hopefully, his wrist isn’t broken. But, that sure did look like a hard fall. We are back on-board with the obnoxious female guests […]
Below Deck Med Recap: It’s Ben A Long Time
Oh hey, it’s me Tamara, filling in once again for this Below Deck Med Recap! The thing is that I watched the show very late last night and then deleted it. So this should be an interesting adventure for all of us. We all know I can’t remember anything. So we started with a crying […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Don’t Cry For Me, Sirocco
by Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med Recap. This week, dysfunction aboard the Sirocco becomes explosive, and by journey’s end someone has tendered their resignation and abandoned ship. First off, I must question why Bravo felt they needed 90 minutes special for tonight’s episode. The drama that unfolded here is would translate to […]
Below Deck Med: Monte Car-loco
by Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med Recap, in which beautiful people will drink and make out in the pleasure capital of the Mediterranean, and Joao will slut-shame them all. Sorry to have missed last week’s fun, my fine friends, and I’m not quite back to working order yet. Anyone out there dealing […]
Below Deck Med Recap: June, June, Hannah.
Ahoy Mates! This Below Deck Med recap will be brought to you by me, TT as the Dalai Mama had an unexpected personal emergency to deal with at the last minute. Light your Saint Guadalupe, or Saint Valentina candles for her if you got them. Here is the thing, I watched this week’s episode a […]
Below Deck Med: A Whole Different Ball Game
by Dalai Mama On tonight’s Below Deck Med recap we pick up at the nightclub where June has just hurled into a garbage can. Hannah and Travis start canoodling a little. “There will be no feelings this season,” she declares resolutely in her talking head. The producer points out that she and Travis just made […]
Below Deck Med: What Eze the Problem?
by Dalai Mama The Below Deck Med Recap is relieved to announce that the Great Cutlery Conundrum of 2019 is over. The guests have their sky picnic with miracle forks and knives. As the world’s eyes turn to June, she bleats her innocence with more vocal fry than Lindsey Lohan on Oprah. Production helpfully Ramona-Singers […]
Below Deck Med: All Hail the Queen
by Dalai Mama Your Below Deck Med Recap awaits you. As we join our friends they are still out clubbing. Joao is marinating himself in tequila after biting Anastasia’s head off. The gang hits the dance floor and many Elaine From Seinfeld spastic dance moves occur. Travis snogs Hannah, while Aesha bumps and grinds like […]
Below Deck Med: Knot Today, Anchors
by Dalai Mama Welcome to your Below Deck Med Recap of the week. We open with menacing music. Colin has broken the boat, or at least the anchor. Sandy says “we have a situation”. Jack exults in the fact that his invertebrate work ethic had him goofing off at the time. Therefore he cannot be […]
Below Deck Med: 99 Problems But A Chef Ain’t One
By Dalai Mama On tonight’s Below Deck Med Recap, the saga of Mila the Cook Who Was Not a Chef continues. This is feeling as overmilked as the frosting on my strawberry Pop Tart. Cordon Blah We have to relive Captain Sandy’s breathless litany of praise for Mila. I’m as exhausted as Gilligan on the […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med recap, in which we collectively pray for the hasty performance of a Milabotomy on the good ship Sirocco. I need to preface this recap with a little uncomfortable statement regarding my own personal Below Deck situation. I’m having my first colonoscopy tomorrow at oh dark-thirty. So […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Cannes You Cook?
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med recap. As we tune in, the chronically affable guests have left, and the crew is heading out to blow off some steam. The lucky few in the non-Mila car are unaware of the source of tension spreading like rancid mayonnaise on a hate sandwich. Large amounts […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Recipe For Disaster
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the HMS Below Deck Med Recap. Come aboard. We’re expecting you. We begin with a little rehash of the Great Taco Skirmish of ’19. Hannah affirms that communication with Captain Sandy is going to be priority this season. Therefore, Hannah is appointing herself Chief Taster. Not so much as a single […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Pardon Your French
By Dalai Mama Welcome to my first Below Deck Med recap. I’m Dalai Mama, cruise director of recreational maritime hedonism. Come on board the HMS Sirocco. Let’s dive right in and meet our crew, shall we? We are graced once again with the leadership of my First Imaginary Future Wife, Captain Sandy Yawn. In addition, […]