Well boys and squirrels, it’s time for the Below Deck Recap. It’s the reunion and I am already pissed before even watching it. I’ve heard that Elizabeth is going to talk shit about Captain Lee. If true, this could make her more hated than pretty much anyone on the planet that is not orange. You […]
Below Deck Recap: Premature Evacuation
This probably will be a very short Below Deck recap. Elizabeth getting fired is well overdue. She is begging for her job. She really doesn’t understand why she was fired. But really, this season is pretty much over due to Covid. Elizabeth has to pack her knives and go. Oops wrong show. I really need […]
Below Deck Recap: Don’t Cry For Me Antigua
The big question I have going into this Below Deck recap is are the finally going to fire Elizabeth? The episode summary for this episode literally says, “Elizabeth spends the charter focusing on James instead of her job.” You know, just like every other episode. There is also a mention of Ashling’s “little white lie” […]
Below Deck Recap: Hide The Salami
Tonight’s Below Deck recap is going to be wacky and sad as Jackie and David Siegel appear as the primaries. Click here to find out what happened when they were on Below Deck Med. Jackie refers to herself as The Queen of Versailles because she has been building a sort of replica in Florida for […]
Below Deck Recap: James’ Big Cannoli
I’m not sure if my DVR didn’t record episode 12, last week or if I somehow deleted it. I may have deleted it on purpose because Captain Lee is going to talk about the loss of his son. And that will be difficult. I’m watching the episode now on demand. Which means I have to […]
Below Deck Recap: Blood In The Water
Tonight, we return to a boat where Captain Lee is madder than a wet hen. We’ve literally never seen him this angry. In this Below Deck recap, I presume someone is going to have to go in and extradite Drunk Dolores from the sea where she apparently wants to feed peas to the fish and […]
Below Deck Recap: Steamy Vibes
Tonight’s Below Deck recap will be quite drama-filled from the sound of things. Elizabeth continues to be useless and both Ashling and Francesca are at their wits end. It seems Elizabeth is more concerned about her boatmance with James than actually doing her job. Then, the captain loses it over dangerous behavior by the charter […]
Below Deck Recap: The Devil You Know
It’s a slow time for Bravo exclusive news as everyone seems to have disappeared for the winter break. But, amazingly, we still have recaps to do this week! Tonight we have a Below Deck recap of a new episode! I’m not sure how many episodes we have left. We seem to be getting into the […]
Below Deck Recap: No Way Rosé
Oh hey! I was up all night drinking wine and arguing about politics on Twitter and just woke up for the day as Below Deck is ending. Ooops. I missed the Saturn and Venus thing, seeing what superpowers everyone got, and Below Deck. I’m trying to stop stressing about my sleep schedule and just rolling […]
Below Deck Recap: Runaway Chef
I am so ready for this Below Deck recap tonight. I slept in super late today and woke up to a financial mess that needed to be sorted out. So,I just got that straighten out and now I need to WOO SAH and get on this boat with Captain Lee and sail away from all […]
Below Deck Recap: Just Another Day In Paradise
Tonight’s Below Deck recap will probably end with Shane getting a ticket home from Captain Lee. And I think that is about three episodes too late. In the meantime, Banjo’s favorite show, The Voice is on and I am voting my cold black heart out for Jim Ranger! But John Holiday is also amazing! Dayum, […]
Below Deck Recap: Do Not Disturb
Y’all. Today was the day I fell down the rabbit hole. I’ve been trying not to do it too early. But, today it happened. I got hooked on Lifetime Christmas movies. I’m currently watching one while drinking Prosecco out of a wine glass that someone sent me that says, “I’m sorry you’re old.” I am […]
Below Deck Recap: Max And Dax’s Excellent Adventure
I can never remember what I recap on what day. So I was happy to discover that tonight it is a Below Deck recap. I believe we get a new stew tonight and Izzy moves to the deck. Also, we finally get rid of the assholes and the crew gets their first shore leave together. […]
Below Deck Recap: There’s No Crying In Yachting
You guys! I have gone from feeling badly about getting up at 2 or 3 pm to having a problem waking up in time to recap shows during prime time. It’s not healthy to sleep through all the daylight. I just can’t seem to straighten out my sleep schedule! ARGH. At least tonight is Below […]
Below Deck Recap: There’s No Place Like Home
I know that the last season of Below Deck was just awful, but I have never been more excited for Captain Lee to come back on my TV screen. We all need Captain Lee during these difficult times. I am physically exhausted today but I am so ready to get this Below Deck recap started! […]
Below Deck Recap: Reunion Part II
It is time for the last Below Deck recap of this shit show of a season. Let’s just get through this as quickly as possible. I’m with Captain Lee, I really don’t give a shit. Oh, FINALLY we are going to see the incident in the van where Kevin is begging production to pull the […]
Below Deck Reunion Recap: Part 1 Brüs On The Hotseat!
I have great expectations for tonight’s Below Deck Reunion Recap if for no other reason that the awkward photos I pulled for it today. We start right off with sexual harassment. Not by the deckhands just yet, but by the guest that was harassing Simone. The charter guest was not confronted because they were guest […]
Below Deck Recap: Big Girls Do Cry
Well it is finally the last episode of this shit storm of a season. And all the people said AMEN. Let’s get this over with and pretend this season never happened. I am highly unaccousted to being a Kate Chastain fan and would like to get back to where her resting bitch face and hazing […]
Below Deck Recap: Let Them Eat Penis Cake
Well, today surely felt like a Monday. I slogged through trying to keep up with my Impeachment Cleaning Plan. Thankfully, today was the dining room. A small room. I didn’t finish but I only have a couple hours left but I need a clean kitchen to rinse all the dishes in the dining room and […]
Below Deck Recap: The Scorpion Queen
It’s time for the penultimate episode of this season of Below Deck. I believe it is the episode where the last of the charter guests leave. This makes me wonder what on earth the final episode will entail. But before we get to that, Jerry O’Connell and Ashton will be on WWHL tonight. Oddly, it […]
Below Deck Recap: Public Displays of Affection
Oh hey! This Below Deck Recap will probably turn in to more of a discussion thread. I’m full on in crazy land at the moment but what better time to have an Alexis Bellino recap. AMIRITE? It’s crazy meets crazy tonight. And also I really need to know if they fucking fire Rhylee, AGAIN. I […]
Below Deck Recap: Witch Hunt
Oh YAY! It’ time for another Below Deck recap. If it wasn’t my job to do this, I would have bailed on this misogynistic crap about three or four episodes ago. Tonight, Ashton is going to try and get Rhylee fired for not having a penis. Will it work? I suppose you have to have […]
Below Deck Recap: Exodus
Sorry for the delay in last night’s Below Deck recap. Some of you may have noticed I had a total drunken meltdown. I apologize to those I worried. Basically, Lawn Kid showed up crying again. He’s been evicted. I’m not sure what to believe anymore. I didn’t know what to do. I wish none of […]
Below Deck Recap: Yacht-Pocalypse Now
Twas the night before the night before Christmas…and a very dark and stormy night. So of course what we all need is a trip to Thailand, Thailand, where everyone gets a baby elephant, right? Well, true or not, this is Below Deck recap will have double the misogyny and double the drama! So let’s just […]
Below Deck Recap: I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
How is it Monday already? I woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday. Where did the weekend go? The best part of Monday writing the Below Deck Recap. This has certainly been an interesting season. Captain Lee is bound to jerk a knot in a few of the crew members tonight before the guest […]
Below Deck Recap: Everyone Hates Kate
This has been a weird season for Below Deck recaps. Kate has been unusually patient with the stews and even with the new chef. It’s been a calmer, gentler Kate. And now this is the season that we get an episode titled, “Everyone Hates Kate”?! We start with the end of Kate finally telling Simone […]
Below Deck Recap: 12 Seconds In Heaven
Finally got Below Deck to record so I can do a proper Below Deck Recap. We begin with Rhylee, a horrible women who dared to request that the group include something Paleo in their dinner order. Something that if one of the guys had said it would be perfectly fine, but Rhylee saying it is […]
Below Deck Recap: A Recipe For Disaster
In preparation for tonight’s Below Deck recap, I did something I never do. I went back and read last weeks recap. I had to fight the need to go back and fix all the typos. Argh. With Abbi gone, tonight we return to the original redheaded female deck hand, Rhylee, to take the brunt of […]
Below Deck Recap: Smashton
On tonight’s Below Deck recap, I am expecting to write about the return of Rhylee Carter to replace the dearly departed Abbi. Abbi by the way is not regretting her decision to leave at all and is living the dream with her greek husband, the yacht captain, in the Greek Isles. And literally, the very […]
Below Deck Recap: Magic Ashton
On tonight’s Below Deck recap, Ashton has his hands full with the deck crew. Chef Kevin needs to do something major to win over Captain Lee after last week’s episode. We have a new group of all female charter guests who like to drink. Hopefully not as much as Brandy did. It time to rise […]
Below Deck Recap: Weekend At Brandy’s II
Because my mind is shot, I can never remember what I recap each night. So every Monday night I am all… YAY! tonight is Below Deck Recap night! Then I remember that when last we watched, one of the guests was dying of alcohol poisoning on the beach. That makes it kind of hard to […]
Below Deck Recap: Weekend At Brandy’s
I’m scrambling to get prepared for this Below Deck recap because I am FINALLY all the way in on the final season of The Affair. The last episode was a fantastic 90 minutes but I had only allotted 60 minutes of my time. But I am good to go now and this week’s episode and […]
Below Deck Recap: The Proposal
The weirdest things are happening at my house. I just got power washed. And people are doing things in the yard. I am still drunk and not wearing pants and just don’t give a fuck. So here is a drunken recap of Below Deck. Also, people are being very mean to me in comments. Apparently […]