It is time for the last Below Deck recap of this shit show of a season. Let’s just get through this as quickly as possible. I’m with Captain Lee, I really don’t give a shit. Oh, FINALLY we are going to see the incident in the van where Kevin is begging production to pull the […]
Below Deck Reunion Recap: Part 1 Brüs On The Hotseat!
I have great expectations for tonight’s Below Deck Reunion Recap if for no other reason that the awkward photos I pulled for it today. We start right off with sexual harassment. Not by the deckhands just yet, but by the guest that was harassing Simone. The charter guest was not confronted because they were guest […]
Below Deck Recap: Big Girls Do Cry
Well it is finally the last episode of this shit storm of a season. And all the people said AMEN. Let’s get this over with and pretend this season never happened. I am highly unaccousted to being a Kate Chastain fan and would like to get back to where her resting bitch face and hazing […]
Below Deck Recap: Let Them Eat Penis Cake
Well, today surely felt like a Monday. I slogged through trying to keep up with my Impeachment Cleaning Plan. Thankfully, today was the dining room. A small room. I didn’t finish but I only have a couple hours left but I need a clean kitchen to rinse all the dishes in the dining room and […]
Below Deck Recap: The Scorpion Queen
It’s time for the penultimate episode of this season of Below Deck. I believe it is the episode where the last of the charter guests leave. This makes me wonder what on earth the final episode will entail. But before we get to that, Jerry O’Connell and Ashton will be on WWHL tonight. Oddly, it […]
Below Deck Recap: Public Displays of Affection
Oh hey! This Below Deck Recap will probably turn in to more of a discussion thread. I’m full on in crazy land at the moment but what better time to have an Alexis Bellino recap. AMIRITE? It’s crazy meets crazy tonight. And also I really need to know if they fucking fire Rhylee, AGAIN. I […]
Below Deck Recap: Witch Hunt
Oh YAY! It’ time for another Below Deck recap. If it wasn’t my job to do this, I would have bailed on this misogynistic crap about three or four episodes ago. Tonight, Ashton is going to try and get Rhylee fired for not having a penis. Will it work? I suppose you have to have […]
Below Deck Recap: Exodus
Sorry for the delay in last night’s Below Deck recap. Some of you may have noticed I had a total drunken meltdown. I apologize to those I worried. Basically, Lawn Kid showed up crying again. He’s been evicted. I’m not sure what to believe anymore. I didn’t know what to do. I wish none of […]
Below Deck Recap: Yacht-Pocalypse Now
Twas the night before the night before Christmas…and a very dark and stormy night. So of course what we all need is a trip to Thailand, Thailand, where everyone gets a baby elephant, right? Well, true or not, this is Below Deck recap will have double the misogyny and double the drama! So let’s just […]
Below Deck Recap: I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
How is it Monday already? I woke up this morning thinking it was Sunday. Where did the weekend go? The best part of Monday writing the Below Deck Recap. This has certainly been an interesting season. Captain Lee is bound to jerk a knot in a few of the crew members tonight before the guest […]
Below Deck Recap: Everyone Hates Kate
This has been a weird season for Below Deck recaps. Kate has been unusually patient with the stews and even with the new chef. It’s been a calmer, gentler Kate. And now this is the season that we get an episode titled, “Everyone Hates Kate”?! We start with the end of Kate finally telling Simone […]
Below Deck Recap: 12 Seconds In Heaven
Finally got Below Deck to record so I can do a proper Below Deck Recap. We begin with Rhylee, a horrible women who dared to request that the group include something Paleo in their dinner order. Something that if one of the guys had said it would be perfectly fine, but Rhylee saying it is […]
Below Deck Recap: A Recipe For Disaster
In preparation for tonight’s Below Deck recap, I did something I never do. I went back and read last weeks recap. I had to fight the need to go back and fix all the typos. Argh. With Abbi gone, tonight we return to the original redheaded female deck hand, Rhylee, to take the brunt of […]
Below Deck Recap: Smashton
On tonight’s Below Deck recap, I am expecting to write about the return of Rhylee Carter to replace the dearly departed Abbi. Abbi by the way is not regretting her decision to leave at all and is living the dream with her greek husband, the yacht captain, in the Greek Isles. And literally, the very […]
Below Deck Recap: Magic Ashton
On tonight’s Below Deck recap, Ashton has his hands full with the deck crew. Chef Kevin needs to do something major to win over Captain Lee after last week’s episode. We have a new group of all female charter guests who like to drink. Hopefully not as much as Brandy did. It time to rise […]
Below Deck Recap: Weekend At Brandy’s II
Because my mind is shot, I can never remember what I recap each night. So every Monday night I am all… YAY! tonight is Below Deck Recap night! Then I remember that when last we watched, one of the guests was dying of alcohol poisoning on the beach. That makes it kind of hard to […]
Below Deck Recap: Weekend At Brandy’s
I’m scrambling to get prepared for this Below Deck recap because I am FINALLY all the way in on the final season of The Affair. The last episode was a fantastic 90 minutes but I had only allotted 60 minutes of my time. But I am good to go now and this week’s episode and […]
Below Deck Recap: The Proposal
The weirdest things are happening at my house. I just got power washed. And people are doing things in the yard. I am still drunk and not wearing pants and just don’t give a fuck. So here is a drunken recap of Below Deck. Also, people are being very mean to me in comments. Apparently […]
Below Deck Recap: Man Down!
I am so excited for tonight’s Below Deck Med Recap! Captain Lee, Kate and Ashton are back to keep everything shipshape. Ashton got promoted to Bosun since his near death experience last season. It seems that some sort of surprise will “rock Ashton to his core.” As for Kate, she will continue to drive the […]
Below Deck Season Six Reunion: “We’re Dear Friends”
Below Deck has at least one episode that was the highest rated show on cable and higher than the episode of RHOA that ran that same week. So why are we still shoving this big cast into the stupid clubhouse instead of having the reunion in Fort Lauderdale or Miami? I just don’t get it. […]
Below Deck: Au Revoir
It the finale of one of the best seasons of Below Deck ever and I hate to see it end. We left off with Crystal the entitled primary drunk off her ass and refusing to leave the deck Kate had just told Josiah to get the hose. Let’s hope they go through with this plan. […]
Below Deck: Shame Cocoon
It’s a good thing I am on the healthy living plan this week because there are a TON of things to recap tonight! Big Brother was great but time-consuming and I am so ready for this episode of Below Deck. Something really weird went on with Bravo ratings last week. Below Deck lost half of […]
Below Deck: All That Glitters Isn’t Gold
The wakes up hungover with most of them a bit hazy on about the night before. Ashton can’t remember anything. He realizes that Laura was pissed at him, but he can’t remember why. That’s because Laura didn’t tell him. His good friend Adrian called him out for being a man whore while talking to Laura […]
Below Deck: I Said I Got It!
It has been three long dark weeks since we have had a Below Deck episode. Of some comfort to me was having Captain Lee’s memoir to read. Sadly, it ended too soon. In the very last chapter he finally mentions the show and it becomes clear that Adrienne was a dead woman walking from the […]
Below Deck: Check Yourself!
Below Deck was the highest rated show on Bravo Last week with 2.11 million views (if I recall correctly). It even surpassed RHOA, who FINALLY broke two million THIS week for the first time all season. Below Deck surpassed every show in their timeslot (including broadcast TV) in the coveted 18-34/18-49 timeslot (I forget which one). […]
Below Deck: Let Them Eat Chicken
It is finally time to see the horrific accident that sent Ashton home, and I am not sure if I am ready. But ready or not, let’s do this. This gives me such anxiety! Wow, it was the cameraman, Brent, who saved Ashton. That was some quick thinking on his part, he literally saved Ashton’s […]
Below Deck: Man Overboard!
At this point of the year, Below Deck has become the most talked about show on Tamara Tattles! It’s been a great season! Tonight, things take a very serious turn when Ashton gets caught up in the lines and pulled overboard. Spoiler alert! He survives and is scheduled to be on WWHL tonight; however, Andy […]
Below Deck: Insult To Injury
While I certainly would love to see Caroline and Chandler both get a plane ticket home tonight, but sadly, I think Chandler is probably only going to get demoted for now. Caroline is going to probably need to be dragged by her ankles off the ship, and I am sure Kate will be more than […]
Below Deck: Flesh Wounds Are Not Five Star
This has been such a crazy season so far below deck. We have a totally incompetent bosun and a third stew with a medical issue who is perhaps in a bit over her head being filmed all of the time. It’s clear from her Twitter that she is having some sort of serious breakdown and […]
Below Deck: New Kids On The Dock
In all of my seasons of recapping this show, I have never seen Captain Lee engaged in a negative way with anyone on the show. When people ask him about decisions we found questionable about Captain Sandy or Captain Mark he would never contradict them and simply say perhaps he would have done something differently. […]
Below Deck: Get Better Or Go Home
I’m not particularly in the mood for this tonight, but I need a break from the nerve-wracking election results. We start with Ashton grumbling about having to go fishing with no sleep particularly since Rhylee is the fisherman and Chandler is the dumbass. Jesus. Chandler doesn’t know a thing about fishing and neither does Ashton. […]
Below Deck: Naked Smoothies
Before we get started, Caroline went off on several twitter rants over the past couple of days regarding Kate. Then she imploded her Twitter account. Or did she. She said some things that have been said before about Kate that might have violated the non-disclosure part of her Bravo contract. Bravo could have cut her off. […]
Below Deck: Bitch In Charge
I could write an entire post on how exceptionally stupid the people I encounter trying to ring up my purchases just now. But let’s just say the guy at the discount smoke shop whose main job is to sell beer, cigarettes and LOTTERY TICKETS to the ghetto does not know how to do any of […]