By Dalai Mama On tonight’s Below Deck Med Recap, the saga of Mila the Cook Who Was Not a Chef continues. This is feeling as overmilked as the frosting on my strawberry Pop Tart. Cordon Blah We have to relive Captain Sandy’s breathless litany of praise for Mila. I’m as exhausted as Gilligan on the […]
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Below Deck Med Recap: Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med recap, in which we collectively pray for the hasty performance of a Milabotomy on the good ship Sirocco. I need to preface this recap with a little uncomfortable statement regarding my own personal Below Deck situation. I’m having my first colonoscopy tomorrow at oh dark-thirty. So […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Cannes You Cook?
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the Below Deck Med recap. As we tune in, the chronically affable guests have left, and the crew is heading out to blow off some steam. The lucky few in the non-Mila car are unaware of the source of tension spreading like rancid mayonnaise on a hate sandwich. Large amounts […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Recipe For Disaster
By Dalai Mama Welcome to the HMS Below Deck Med Recap. Come aboard. We’re expecting you. We begin with a little rehash of the Great Taco Skirmish of ’19. Hannah affirms that communication with Captain Sandy is going to be priority this season. Therefore, Hannah is appointing herself Chief Taster. Not so much as a single […]
Below Deck Med Recap: Pardon Your French
By Dalai Mama Welcome to my first Below Deck Med recap. I’m Dalai Mama, cruise director of recreational maritime hedonism. Come on board the HMS Sirocco. Let’s dive right in and meet our crew, shall we? We are graced once again with the leadership of my First Imaginary Future Wife, Captain Sandy Yawn. In addition, […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: The Crew Comes For Hannah And I Come For Captain Sandy
Andy starts by asking if Hannah and Conrad are still together. Why is that even a question? Then he asks Joao and Brooke if they are still together and there is a bit of hesitation but Brooke says no. Andy says he’s heard there has been some back and forth and wants to know how […]
Below Deck Mediterranean Finale: Definitely Not Prague
It’s time for the finale. Which is great because I can’t take too much more of this season where I am forced to be Team Hannah. My hatred for Joao knows no bounds. Hannah’s bullshit change fees seem to have doubled from the last episode and are now a whopping $400. Hannah sees herself as […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: One Million Percent
We are back in Naples with Hannah being condescending to Conrad calling him “sweetheart” while he is trying to break up with her. He also tells her he doesn’t want to go to Prague with her. She’s pissed and pissy about it and walks off. Also fighting are Brooke and Joao. Joao has been gleefully […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Stew Coup
Colin is actually getting a storyline tonight! I’m sure it will be brief but I’ll take what I can get. I really hate this group of guests. They are almost as bad as those terrible women. Brooke tells Hannah that she feels like she is doing all of the work. She cries cleaning up the […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: We Used To Be Friends
What a drama-filled day at Tamara Tattles Media, LLC today. It’s not just all the posts, it’s all the behind the scenes drama and tea. I’ve been typing and reading since the moment I got up. My eyes are blurry and need a rest, but there just isn’t time. Hannah uncharacteristically loans Brooke a leather […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Take This Job And Stew It
We pick up back on shore where most everyone is drunk and Hannah and Conrad are arguing over whether or not Hannah has an expectation that her man be rich and shower her with gifts (she does) or whether she wants to marry for love (I think both are important to her). Adam comes out […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Mo’ Euros, Mo’ Problems
This episode is going to piss me off. I can feel it already. After sending Hannah away, she calls Conrad to the bridge to ask him what happened with the land trip. I mean, it’s pretty simple really. The guests wanted to go ashore and he took them. But she doesn’t even let him speak […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Hannah, Hannah, Sandy?
Based on the title, I’m going to say that things come to a head between Hannah and Sandy. We pick up down one stew (Hannah) and one deckhand (Jamie). And the primary has decided they want to have a beach picnic, twenty minutes before lunch. Things go surprisingly well on the quick set up. Kasey […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Panic At The Deck-O
I’m not much of a hate watcher. If I hate a show I watch something I do like. However, I am really enjoying this season of Below Deck even though Captain Sandy, Joao and Kasey are extremely dislikable this season. Every season needs a villain, but three? It’s irking me to no end. And now […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Bizarre Love Triangle
I am so glad that Below Deck is back tonight! I might have been a bit bored with a whole week without Bravo. That said, I didn’t miss Captain Sandy or Joao at all. I really tried to like Captain Sandy and hate how some of the crew calls her “Sandy” it seems very disrespectful […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Walking On Broken Glass
It’s crazy to me that the girls are pissed about Kasey fake CV but the guys all say, “everyone does that.” This theme seems to hold true in comments here and on social media. I’m just surprised. Also, Sandy was CHASTISING Colin for pointing out how SKEEVY Joao is. She is really enamored with him. […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Can I Get Fries With That?
We begin with the guests arriving to dinner two hours late. This is another group that wants chicken nuggets and fries. It’s like they have never eaten adult food. They are still serving at around twelve fifteen. They literally ask for french fries. Then they want huge sparklers for candles that set off the fire […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Demand & Supply
I hate how editing makes me like and dislike different people every season. How did I get to be Team Hannah this season? Sandy is being awful this season. She’s not looking out for Jaime who is being undermined as a deckhand strictly for being female. She doesn’t seem to care that Kasey is completely […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Bad Vibrations
Let’s hope this week’s title refers to the relations between the crew and not another group of nasty women. We are back with the crew just back from their drunken land outing. Joao, as it turns out is even more of a misogynist drunk than he is sober. He was highly inappropriate with the ladies […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: A Perfect Storm
Last week’s Below Deck recap had the most explosive, vicious, comments on charter guests that I have seen in may year. Lot’s of really personal attacks on the group of extremely ill-mannered women. Will they redeem themselves this week? Or does it only get worse from here? Let’s see what happens next. Right away the […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Ciao, Napoli!
I don’t understand how I can be taping RHOBH and Below Deck right after and Below Deck is cut off at the beginning. It boggles my mind. This season Hannah and Adam are back working for Captain Sandy but we have all new interior and exterior staff other than those two. The boat for this […]
Below Deck Mediterranean Season Two Reunion: Croatia
After a season that just sort of flew by, it is already time for the reunion. Wes tells us that he went straight back to work on a yacht in South Africa and after a few weeks Bugs showed up to be chief stew. Bobby has worked on the west coast for a bit with […]
Below Deck Mediterranean Finale: The Truth Comes Out
We start where we left off on the last night of charter with Adam showing Wes the texts that Malia was sending him fifteen minutes after their makeout session on the bridge during their night watch shift change. Wes has been posting on his Instagram photos that I think are of him and Malia in […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Stew The Right Thing
We begin this episode in Split at Fabrique where Hannah and Adam have left the bar to return to the boat to call it a night. Malia is irritated that those two former mortal enemies may literally be in bed together now. Bugsy tells Malia to just go make out with Wes. Everyone is wasted […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Swing Shift
We left off last week during a physical confrontation between Wes and Adam while the crew was on shore leave in Croatia. Adam gave Wes a brutal wedgie, then Adam was being a dick to Wes taking photos. Wes knocked Adam’s camera out of his hands and Adam gave Wes a nice hard shove to the […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: The Dubrovnik Wedgie
We begin tonight’s episode with Wes choosing Malia to be lead deckhand. I really don’t see the point of this other than to give the deck crew the fresh storyline of “Malia is head deck hand because Wes has a crush on her.” But I suppose it is a better storyline than adding onions to […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Kissing Up
Maybe it is my weird mood today, but it feels like this season has been on forever. I like it and am loving Croatia. I think the crazy is stirring a bit today because it is so hot I don’t want to eat anything. And when I don’t eat the crazy blossoms. Anyway, we are […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: iCloudy With A Chance of Secrets
Sorry for the delay on this recap tonight. Lots of court and real estate news to report on today and it was quite time-consuming. I am so ready for this episode because Hannah, Adam and Malia are all hiding big secrets that are about to come out! Last episode’s ending was a bombshell! Also, Max’s […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Mo’ Onions, Mo’ Problems
First of all everyone get your selfie game going. We have a few hundred thousand guests tonight due to this exclusive. If I had known I would have tried to clean up the joint. Oh, who am I kidding. As Popeye says, I yam what I yam. If you like it, stick around. If you […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Double Trouble
When we last left off, the crew was amid a major malfunction. Somehow, the anchors allow to get all twisted up into a gigantic knot. It was starting to look like cutting the anchors was the only way to go, and that would essentially end the season. But after nine hours, Wes managed to get […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: All Chained Up And No Place To Go
When last we left the naked guests in Croatia, they were oblivious to the fact that the winds were picking up and the stern tie was no longer keeping the boat tethered. If the crew doesn’t do something fast, the prettiest boat ever on Below Deck will crash into the rocky cliffs. So Captain Sandy […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Chefs, Lies and Facetime
It’s time to head back to Croatia. If there was ever a day I needed a nice relaxing show about rich people on yachts in a beautiful country with beautiful scenery, it is tonight. Instead, we have Below Deck Mediterranean, where last week Hannah put the moves on Malia to piss of Bobby. She got […]
Below Deck Mediterranean: Three’s Company
I just noticed that the recap for last week’s premiere episode only had eighteen comments. I don’t know how many views it got, and the comments are not really indicative of that, but it makes me wonder if y’all are really watching this show. I hope you are. I love all the shows set overseas […]
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