I’m so sorry that I didn’t get this Below Deck Med Recap in a timely manner. I was up late last night glued to the live feeds (and updated in the latest comment section for Big Brother). Then I kept on napping on and off until 3:30. It was a bad leg day but I managed to throw out all the old fruit in the fridge. And get it to the street for trash day tomorrow. Why do people buy fruit they like and then it goes bad before they get around to eating it? And by people, I mean me. Also I am still fighting the fruit fly wars and making progress.
Then, I had to run a short errand where I had to very briefly try to walk in public. And if you watch big brother, I look just like Jasmine. It’s so embarrassing. Suddenly I looked up at my TV and The Bachelorette was on! How did it get so late? To make matters worse it was 8:40 and Below Deck Med didn’t tape even though it was supposed to! I normally double check my recordings every day. But, time just got away from me today. So I can’t start this recap until 2:30 am. I should still be up.
Okay here we go! FINALLY! Natasha and Dave have finally parted ways mostly because Dave is simultaneously a dick and a stage five clinger. Natasha is going to bunk with Kyle. I love Kyle. This week we have an all girls trip I think. Two of the women have the same birthday and they are cousins who are both turning fifty. They want their cake to be presented by a shirtless deck hand. They want all the water toys all the time. It’s Storm’s first time as a bosun and he says he is on it. Sandy seems to think that Dave and Natasha can work together. Natasha is already texting her ex. Good grief. Fish in a new pond, girl.
Natalya and Storm are getting closer as they bunk together. He rubs her feet. I need someone to do that for me! Maybe then I could feel them! Dave is bunking with Jason now. Then they sleep in the same bunk. Oh Lord, here we go again. Why can’t the Bobbsey Twins (yes I is old people) sleep in the same cabin? Jason is stuck bunking with Dave. The new deckhand arrives carrying a Gucci bag and she is blonde and attractive. This will not go well. Oh Courtney has been a stew on the boat before. I forgot she existed she is nervous about being a deckhand this time. Oh Lord, we have had enough deckhand issues this season. It would be hysterical if Courtney was the shirtless deckhand delivering the cake. 🙂
Oh Lord, It’s Another Showmance
I totally forgot about Uzi and Courtney being a thing. She even went to Cape Town to hang with him. Le sigh. This is all such a messy situation. Storm holds his first meeting as bosun and I am already impressed. He makes schedules and explains they may need to help with dinner service. Oh my Storm says he has had atrial fibrillation. That runs in my family and ultimately killed my mother and I am so worried I have it. I could have gone all night without the reminder. Night one is birthday night and the weather is going to keep Captain Sandy from leaving the dock.
Here comes the ladies. Courtney is beasting the luggage. All of the women are related to at least one other person. Dave is going to try to be a nicer person. We shall see. Courtney ends up helping the interior to get the clothes hung up and their rooms done. She’s not thrilled with that. Natalya update Courtney on all the gossip. Dave doesn’t know how to make Maltese food. I have been to Malta multiple times and it was pretty much your regular food as I recall. Unlike that time we went to the Opera in Rome or somewhere and I puked up ravioli from the performance to the ELEVATOR IN THE HOTEL! What? I was in elementary school being dragged all over the fucking world. LOL.
Apparently, the guys have been told they all have to strip tonight at dinner. Can you imagine if this were a group of men and the women were told to do that? Dave makes… wait for it… FISH! Natasha is doing nothing other than desperately texting her ex. Can she not be unattached to a man for five minutes? As usual (most of the time) the guest love Dave’s cooking. Kyle points out that Natasha is not doing shit and he is doing everything. He’s right. She is on the phone with her ex. Storm plans a day trip to take the women on a land excursion. That’s brilliant. Malta is beautiful. I need to go there as a grownup!
Mzi tells them it is okay to wear flip flops for the excursion. It’s not. They should not wear heels either. They need to wear walking shoes like normal tourist do. Which reminds me I need a need pair of lesbian shoes (Merrill’s). I am in my Meredith Baxter Birney years except I’m not into women either. I just want to do my own thing and don’t give a shit about looking cute. Especially alone in a foreign country. So off they go in golf carts with a tour guide. I am so excited!
The Land Excursion
The deckhands are driving. Courtney doesn’t know how to drive one. Meanwhile, back on the boat, Captain Sandy ( I actually really like her this season) is impressed with Storm as the “provisional” boson. He did his schedule and turned it in without having to be told to do so like ole whats her name. She calls him up and tells him they are going out early the next morning. Meanwhile Natasha is still doing nothing other than calling her ex to beg her to take her back. He is stupid enough to take her back. I am loving this tour of Malta.
It’s a casino night for the guests. The stews are all dressed in sequined dresses. Storm is helping. He’s really working hard. Kyle tries to tell Natasha that running back to her ex is not her best option. But, she does not listen. Natasha is a crappy chief stew. Like really crappy. She puts Courtney on service and Natalya on beds. Natalya did the whole tablescape that Captain Sandy loves and now she is on cleaning the guest rooms duty? WTF? Kyle agrees. Courtney is a DECKHAND! The guys have to strip. I would never ask for that. It’s beyond rude. It’s degrading. Shirtless Dave is hot though.
Natasha keeps text bombing her ex who I am sure is all the way over her. The next day, they are ready to head out on the water. Storm doesn’t know how to use the walkie? And so Sandy hits another dolphin. OOPSY. Next weeK Kyle has to go to the emergency room. I do not like how this is going. : ( And the stabilizers stop working again. What a season! Night all. xo ~tt