Since I am the last person on earth to see this, and it seems y’all were not impressed, I am going to try to make this RHOBH recap as short possible. We begin back in Mexico. I’m just praying we all make it out of Mexico without any intestinal issues. I am trying really hard to keep mine under control. Sorry. At least Ramona isn’t there.
Erika, Diana and Crystal, the three that most need to GTF off this show, have a nightcap in Diana’s “presidential suite.” I loathe all three of them. Kyle and Sutton show up. Why? Who wants to share a nightcap with these three beasts? Kyle explains that they are just there for the free alcohol. Things go remarkably well. I feel like I may have sleep watched this episode. I’m pretty sure I saw the first few minutes and then fell back to sleep.
Well Beyond White Girl Wasted
The next morning, the ladies all drink on an fairly empty stomach before going to get on a boat for the day. Just the thought is reviving my nausea. Erika is so wasted she can’t get out of the van to get to the boat. Apparently, we are to believe that Dorit rented the boat. Or yacht as everyone but Diana is calling it. Clearly I fell asleep 14 minutes in on my last attempt at watching. Erika is alcohol poisoning drunk. She lies down on a couch while the rest of the ladies wave at passing boaters. One man decides to flash them and they are less than impressed. Meanwhile, Erika is babbling about a yacht she used to have called “the illegal.” You know the creditors are checking La Paz for that yacht right now.
The other ladies seem to think it is great that Erika is wasted. She seems lighter and happier. WTF? Then Erika joins the ladies and says she drank too much and took a lot of pills but she is fine. She is still really fucked up. What fool decided this would be a good time to blast Expensive To Be Me? I dunno, but it is happening. It was a enough for Diana to jump off the boat for a swim. She immediately got stung by a jellyfish. Could not happen to a nicer girl. Erika and Garcelle stay up top while everyone goes down to help Diana. Drunk Erika turns to Garcelle and says, “Garcelle, go down and pee on that new girl.” I. AM. DEAD!
Things Are Going Surprisingly Well
Erika slept through the whole trip. I’m surprised she didn’t puke. But it does appear she peed on the couch. While getting ready for dinner back on land, Garcelle and Sutton discuss Erika’s pills and booze. Oh Lord, they are all going to dinner in public with Erika. Garcelle invites everyone to her birthday party and drops the bomb that Denise Richards is invited. Rinna will be in NYC with Harry promoting his movie. Nice way to sidetrack Denise politely, Rinna. She admits that she recently texted Denise and apologized to her. Denise responded kindly. They tease Sutton for looking like a bride in all white.
Garcelle brings up Diana’s “book” again. Diana doesn’t like Garcelle. On social media people are saying that Diana is the racist that Crystal needs to be calling to the carpet, not Sutton. This whole episode, Sutton and Erika are chatting like they are best friends. Sutton mentions to Erika she has a date that she met on Bumble when she gets back. Everyone is toasting Lois and celebrating Rinna when suddenly, Dorit goes on a very long ramble about her “robbery.” Diana is quick to say that Sutton makes everything about her when she is simply trying to relate to the conversation! The production is very shady with with Dorit. I’m starting to think they don’t believe her either.
I Can Get My Own Plane
Well, everything went really well. Now we just need to get everyone home. Back at the hotel, Kyle wants to have drinks in the lobby. Dorit and Diana join her. They talk about Sutton. Diana can’t stand Sutton. Kyle and Dorit take it all in. Dorit thought that Sutton was pushing DIANA around? Diana mutters something about how Sutton could have been headbutted. Kyle seems afraid of Diana.
The next morning they all get on on the plane and Diana tells Sutton she can’t sit next to her. There are two sets of two seats facing each other Kyle and Dorit sat across from her. Krystal sat next to her. She relates the story to Garcelle and says, ” I can get my own plane.” Apparently, Diana “rented the plane.”
Next week: More excess by Erika, Diana continues to stir the shit. Things get crazy at Garcelle’s birthday party.