Good morning! I was harder than usual to force myself to wake up at the ripe old hour of 8 pm to do a RHOBH recap. I honestly cannot take more any more of Crystal beating the same dead horse. What’s it been for episodes now? Not even Dorit’s “poor pitiful me act” can drown this skirmish out. It’s time to either stone Sutton to death or LET THE MOUSE GO! ENOUGH!
These Antidepressants Are Really Killing It
I do not understand the need for “glam” at the beach. People who wear a full face of makeup at the beach are missing the whole point. People who fly in glam teams are MORONS. At what point did we all need someone else to do our hair a makeup? On your wedding day, sure. That’s about it. Dirty Diana continues to be obsessed with Sutton’s version of vegetarian. She’s right. A lot of people are everything but bacon or everything but pork. We love our pork in the south. Why is everyone so pressed about Sutton. Is it because she is richer than they are?
Erika talks about the wonders of Lexapro. Lucky her getting one that works for her on the first try. That almost never happens. The only anxiety med that works for everyone is Xanax and doctors are allowed to subscribe many of those. Garcelle asks if her unmedicated behavior was “borderline bully.” She says she was called bully in a court filing that day. She doesn’t give a fuck. Sutton is thinking about taking the LSAT that just gets you into law school based on your score. If she is a bad test taker as she says, she might as well give up now. There are a shit ton of tests between the LSAT and the bar unless she plans to try to Kim K it. Lisa talks about Lois sending her signs. I believe that too.
Surfs Up Or Bottoms Up?
Kyle, Sutton, and Garcelle decide to explore the town. Meanwhile Erika, Crystal and Rinna attempt to learn to surf. On of the ways I judge new people is I try to find out if they think it is funny if someone takes a hard fall. If the do, I immediately dislike them. So, I feel a tiny bit hypocritical for finding our surfer girls wiping out completely hysterical. Wait. Is Kyle shopping in a bathrobe? There has to be a middle ground between full glam in a bathrobe and normal behavior. EVERY SINGLE THING KYLE MAKES IS MUUMUUS for the beach! THIS IS THE TIME FOR KYLE’S clothing line. She should have everyone in it! It’s perfect for Punta Mita!
The girls have rum drinks at a boutique. Garcelle drops the bomb that she has purchased a small beach house to restore. It may be small but it is right on the water. The retail therapy seems to be working for everyone. The store is very expensive. Why? This is Mexico! Not where you buy a $5,000 ring, Sutton. I guess Dirty Diana didn’t go with either group. Kyle and the girls talk about Crystal’s attacks on Sutton. The other group joins in the attacks on Sutton. I hate these people. I would get rid of Erika, Crystal, and Dirty Diana. Erika hypes up Crystal repeatedly telling her that Sutton called her a liar. Rinna is team Erika so she joins in. Kyle doesn’t seem like she is part of the stupid foxes. She corroborates Sutton’s story about Crystal’s former friends.
Dirty Diana’s Secrets Come Out!
Why are there so many damn flashbacks about nothing this season. Oh Lord. It’s a full moon and time for dinner. This is going to be bad! Diana and Crystal both wore bird earrings in honor of Lois. OMG! Rinna brings up Diana’s book Room 23. It’s supposedly nothing more than photos of her available escorts in a hotel room. I wasn’t sure they would go there. My source is rather tight lipped about Diana. OMG! Rinna was in the book naked! Holy Crap! Then she talks to producers about being accused of being a sex trafficker and a high class madam! Now I am awake!
Then it is suddenly time for an energy clearing ceremony. It could not come at a better time but did Diana leave the table to avoid talking about the book? It seems she is back. Then, Erika starts moving in on Sutton, on behalf of Crystal of course. Anything, to fuck with Sutton. Rinna is a nodding bobblehead next to Erika. Oh, Rinna, you disappoint me so. Ertika says that Crystal was crying all day because she feels like an easy target. WTF? Crystal is the bully! Sutton is the target. Kyle is Team Sutton. Yet, Sutton apologizes. Garcelle says that Erika wants to get all in this drama to keep the spotlight off of her. Crystal gives a sort of apology. Could these two finally drop this crap? PULEASE?
I Hate You, I Like You
Why does Dirty Diana keep trying to jump in to defend Crystal? No one even knows who this woman is? And she keeps on bringing up the bacon eating vegetarian crap. Why is Sutton trying to defend herself to Diana. Sutton goes to the bathroom and Kyle goes with her. Thank God Sutton has Kyle and Garcelle on her side, at least for now. I agree that Erika is loving that no one is talking about her lawsuits except for her. Kyle tries to keep Sutton from a full blown panic attack. Diana starts crying and blames it on being full of hormones. Perhaps for MENOPAUSE, but certainly not so you can “have another baby.”
Everyone except Garcelle is throwing themselves at Diana. This is not how newbies are usually received. Garcelle is not having it and just wants to enjoy her dinner. Sutton returns and apologizes to Diana. Crystal and Diana and Dorit go to the bathroom. Kyle and Garcelle are all the way over Crystal. Erika is still not paying attention to the fact Crystal was dumped by fourteen friends.
Next week: Dirty Diana tries to take on the victim role. Sorry, bitch, you need to get in line for that. Garcelle tells Rinna that Denise is coming to her party and she is sad that Rinna will not be there. Somebody got bitten by a jelly fish and of course Erika wants to pee on her.