I’m trying to get through the latest elementary! school shooting. But, I’m not well. First of all the Sandy Hook killer killed his mother before killing children. This piece of shit killed his grandmother before this rampage. He clearly wanted to be like the first scumbag.
I had nightmares last night about my former students who I all still remember as my babies. One of them is my neighbor and she is a full grown adult now. It’s so crazy. I also sometimes get hugs from former students when I am at the grocery store. I am really bad with names so it is very confusing especially now that they are all adults. I think of them all as being seven or eight. In my nightmares I am at the school next door when it happens to a particular cast, hell they might be jumbled up I don’t know I just know they were MY kids. I spent way more time with them than their parents.
Parent conferences, especially with my hispanic parents were in disbelief when I told them their kids were angels. I had rules. I also allowed them to write in their journals at any time during the day. This is how I knew what was on their minds. They could miss any lesson the wanted to as long as they were writing or drawing in their journals. Most kids paid attention to the lesson. The ones who did not an chose to journal had very sad stories about their home life. But they would eventually join the class. At that age girls against the boys was a big hit so they wanted to represent their gender. Except for my one kid who was genetically a boy but always went to the girls team. And no one cared.
I just can’t imagine. Even back then we did lockdown practice and I had to explain to my kid what to do and where to go if a “bad guy” came in. It was heartbreaking. How do you tell 7 year olds they may not be safe in their classroom? Sorry I am blathering. I had nightmares all night probably because I slept with CNN on. Today, I can’t even drink water without throwing it up immediately. It’s a thing I inherited from my father. He would throw up in a crisis too. Y’all know I have a beautiful niece who had a very bad allergic reaction to a childhood vaccine and has been having grand mal seizures ever since. My daddy could not handle it and would be in the bathroom throwing up. It’s really hard to watch. And it still happens frequently.
I just need a minute. I am so not interested in trying to recap RHOBH. I may get to it later. If I am still awake I may watch some of the Survivor finale because I need a break. I doubt I will make it through all three hours. But, I’ll be really pissed if I get spoiled.
I just want to lie down and not feel the pressure of recapping. I might put up a RHOBH discussion post or something in between vomiting. And tomorrow after I finish Survivor ( I already know I can’t make it through tonight). I just need some sleep. I promise to try to catch up tomorrow but I also don’t want to miss the trial. 🙁
Thanks for hopefully understanding we all need a mental health day here and there. I haven’t been able to take my depression meds today because I am throwing up a lot.
Thanks for hanging in with me. xo ~tt
I have firsthand witnessed your gastric problems and I so sympathize with you. Of course you need a mental health day!! Fuck Bravo! Please just rest. xonancy
No worries, Tamara. I get it. This month has been so awful in so many ways, but this is really the worst. I hate how these innocent children are being reduced to “political footballs” because certain assholes in D.C. prefer their dirty gun money over saving innocent lives. I’m so fucking mad, and I’m so fucking over the excuses.
I’m so sorry that this keeps happening, and I keep trying to figure out what (if anything else) we can do to escape this nightmare of a bloody hellscape.
I certainly understand and thanks for responding to my story (another post). I started watching the news then CNN then Fox and just cannot. So I’m drinking wine and reading a book on my Kindle. That’s it.
Definitely understand! I’ve been wanting to check myself in somewhere to escape.
TT – it’s horrific for many but I can’t imagine how teachers feel. Take all the time you need. All of this can wait and is not important. Your mental health is! Hugs!
You sound like you were a great teacher who gave those kids a safe place, which some desperately needed. The way teachers are treated is appalling and good teachers leave, which is devastating to kids who need it most, and often fall between the cracks of a broken system.
It’s hard to recover from tragedies like this, and things just keep getting worse it seems. People keep voting evil in. What are these politicians doing that is so important to you that you don’t care about people’s rights being taken away? Guns above everything? Jesus is weeping at the actions of these so called “christians.”
I also did not sleep. I am a basket case today as well. I can so easily see how the past would have haunted your dreams! I juar joined a group called Mothers Demand Action. Even though I am not a mother in the traditional sense, I am an Aunt, caretaker and lover of all children no matter how old, no matter how big or small.
I hope you just cuddle and rest. There is nothing any one on Bravo could do or say that is as important as mourning what has happened. That is what I look at today as, a day of mourning.
Tomorrow, I get up and I will help these women/people fight for every last one of the people who have died at the hands of this injustice.
Feel better.
As a second grade teacher in Tex-ass. . .I just can’t anymore. Today I arrived at school to see one of our district officers parked in front of the school. Our aide who stands outside every morning and gets cussed out, flipped off and threatened by parents when she tells them they can’t drop their kids off in the bus zone has repeatedly asked for district police to come, they tell her they don’t start working until 7:30. Today the doors were not propped with bricks open as usual for the the kids to walk in since the key cards lock them out. Administrators actually came to school on time (first time this year) and were opening the doors for the kids. The dog and pony show made me sick to my stomach. Our governor and elected officials helped create this and now they want to go on TV and act sad before they jet off to the NRA convention in Houston on Saturday to get more $. Texas teachers and kids have been on our own through COVID and now through this. I am quitting after next year and getting the hell out. Thoughts and tears for those poor families.
I was very moved by your experiences as a teacher/mom. I believe teachers are saints on earth. Your journaling is so excellent an idea, you have no idea how that will stick with them. I know you loved your kids.
We had a police officer on duty at all times at our Mayberry HS my kids attended. He was amazing and the principals all greeted the kids coming in. He quietly helped out so many kids. I know because we had coached and knew everybody. It won’t be the same for my grandkids.
You are to be commended and thanked. I don’t think people realize just how dangerous being a teacher can be these days. I read something today from a teacher who said that every teacher now thinks about things like, how do I lock the door, what is the best escape route if we are trapped., how do I protect these children, what about my children (do I risk my life>) and the list goes on. I cannot even imagine the additonal stress that adds to an already extremely stressful over the top profession such as yours.
It’s good to hear your perspective. I so hope texas flips blue like Georgia somewhat did. We need the Southand we need the average citizens to have the power over public policy, not the gun lobby.
Fingers crossed!
It is so sad how teachers and kids face this over and over and nothing ever changes. Like you said, there will be a dog and pony show for appearances. Then, things go right back to the same old same old. How many times does this have to happen for change to occur????
When my Grand daughter was in elementary school .. all of the school doors were locked ..
I went to pick her up ..and you had to press a buzzer and someone had to come and check
I.D. and let you in ….and then you went right to the main office ….seems so simple ….
You just made me realize how locked down my granddaughter’s elementary school is. You must show I.d. Before getting buzzed in to enter through the main office before entering the school. I went to the same school when I was young and everything was wide open and unlocked. It is a sad world we live in.
I pick her up from school today and I better prepare myself with what she may discuss with me.
Tamara, you were a loving and caring teacher and I appreciate you sharing your teaching stories. I’m sure your students have great memories from the year they were in your class!
I can understand wanting to skip the pettiness of RHOBH right now. I have not watched this season but have read your recaps and seen some comments on twitter. As much as I would love to see the friendship of Garcelle, Sutton and Crystal grow, I do not want to watch the remaining ugly women and their BS.
You have to take care of yourself first, otherwise you are of no help to others and you like to help others.
We are all tired of the moments of silence, the flags at half staff, the platitudes, the bullshit promises. What is scary, is that it is becoming normal, accepted.
If we as a society can cancel people for being racist, bullies, etc. We can cancel these people who are not serving their constituents. The days of pissing on everyone’s back and telling them it’s raining outside is over.
Get some rest. We are all sending good thoughts your way.
Take care of you…..
Be Well
Very well put.
That POS governor kept saying the shooter was mentally ill. Finish the sentence a$$wipe. The shooter was mentally ill and had complete, unfettered access to killing machines.
That POS governor and repulsive senator will be drinking and chortling at the NRA dinner in 48 hours. How do they sleep?
Uvalde, Texas was our 2nd home. For 40 years we spent 3 months out of the year there. Over these years we have made many many friends in this quaint little town. Our hearts were broken yesterday when we got the news of the horrific crime. Hopefully, the Grandmother who is still living will be able to tell the officials what her grandson was thinking when he walked into that school and shot those 19 children and 2 teachers. I pray
for their families and we are so grateful for the law enforcement officers who risked their own lives to stop the KILLER. God bless all of them.
The kids were supposed to end the school day tomorrow and the last few days were just for awards, honor roll presentations and basically just celebrating the school year being over. I don’t know how these kids will even want to enter the building again when school starts in August. This is a very small community of about 17,000 and there aren’t other choices for schools besides maybe a Catholic school in the area. The entire community and surrounding areas are jumping in to help as much as possible with grief counseling, groceries, all funeral costs are covered. I worry about you so much with your mental and physical health. Those of us who have been here a long time know that you are struggling, I wonder though if perhaps just a short trip, maybe a spa or lodge, to get out of your normal surroundings might help your mental health a bit Even if you just slept the entire time it might be good for your soul. We all love you and would certainly understand if you took some time off and maybe appointed some posters to keep your income going.
Take care of you!
I hope u feel better soon
What a wonderful “Out of the Box” teacher you were and still are.
Please take whatever sabbatical you need. We will be so grateful if you return.
Your honesty and integrity are always appreciated.
Go to sleep and come back when you can!
Because of COVID, our school district encourages us to take the kids outside for lunch. I actually like doing it because I always believe kids need fresh air to get refocused. Yesterday, I could not take them out because of the weather and today, I did not feel comfortable taking them outside because the area were we eat is in the back of the building and there are so many ways people could walk through a wooded area undetected. I don’t think I will feel comfortable taking them out for the remaining three weeks of school. Today was a miserable day at school because many teachers who are parents themselves were understandingly anxious and children pick up on that. The kids are the ones who lose in all of this because of the senseless actions of politicians who refuse to act. If MADD could lobby to get laws changed, then I have to ask where are the parents in all of this? Why are they not standing up to protect their children and grandchildren? So don’t tell me you care about the right to life when you are okay with children being slaughtered in a classroom or pre-schoolers being taught to hide in a locked, dark room with the lights out. Voting was still going on in some states and they elected the same do nothing folks as last time. If you went into a voting booth after the news broke yesterday and voted for these folks then shame on you. All I could think about today are those parents waiting for hours to get news of their children. Why do anyone other than a cop or military person need body armor? These tools are made for killing. All those gun lobbyists and the politicians they support should be made to stand in the room with those families and better yet be forced to walk through that classroom where those babies and two teachers died before they clean it up. Sorry, but that is my rant for today.
Why is it necessary to have long guns for sale? Seriously? I don’t care if it’s Texas. I realize the criminals will always get whatever guns they want, but that doesn’t make it right for a store to sell this kid 2, not 1, but 2 long arms. I am so disgusted with this entire situation. My sister told me that there have been 220 mass shootings so far this year. I didn’t believe her. So I googled and yes, there has been. There is a severe lack of any moral compass anymore. And no retribution for criminals anymore. This country needs a default button. We need to reboot. Nobody gives a shit about housewives right now IMHO. Take care of yourself first. I started watching Hot in Cleveland last night cuz i needed a laugh. It’s on Paramount Plus.
Take what time out you need. I’m needing one myself today. One of my best friends lost her son today. I’ve known him since he was a little kid. He was only 51. My heart has been breaking all day. So many grieving mothers, relatives and friends in this world. Sadness and pain everywhere. Sometimes it’s just too much😢
I love the journaling idea. How genius. I wonder what the shooter would have written. Why with grandma and not Mom and Dad.
He waited — counting off the days — until his 18th birthday to buy the guns. So … there MUST HAVE been some signs … or maybe not.
I can’t think much beyond that because my sister and nephew teach first grade at the same school. I just can’t go there … the kids are so sweet and kind and innocent.
Nanette, apparently his mother bought him a stuffed Snoopy and one other thing l can’t recall for his 18th birthday. A stuffed Snoopy for an 18 year old boy?
The journaling was a way to let me know what was going on with them. I read them every day, Sometimes I would write back to them in their journals. This alerted me to who needed counseling and why. For one example a little girl was in a cult. She was always tired and hungry, At one point the consensus about me was why are all the children who need to meet with the guidance counselor in my classroom. Probaby because I was the only one to let them express themselves. After they did, they were then able to pay more attention to the daily lessons. Also, all the other teachers would send their bad kids to me. They would sit at the time out desk and journal and draw. What was I supposed to do to them cane them? Then the other teachers stopped sending the “bad kids” to me because they would just come in and ask if they could go to my class. I might add after journaling they were allowed to participate in lessons if they wanted to and most of the time they did.
I also always took the SPED kids for time out and the SPED teachers all loved me. That was the same every school I worked in. But the regular ed teachers HATED ME because the kids were starting to ask to go to my class. The social worker hated me because she was trying to spend the days planning her daughter’s wedding. I made her do her job.
Everyone at the school was mad at me at first because the principal loved me. I had changed schools and at the previous school lesson plans had to be ridiculously detailed. So I was used to the bullshit and the new principal who loved me AT FIRST kept holding up my lesson plans as the example. I would hate me too. I thought it was ridiculous but it was what I was used to having to do. The nail in my coffin at the last school was that I was nationally certified. It’s a lengthy and sort of expensive thing to go through. It also gives a small pay raise. I did it at a previous school because the principal would always have negative things to say about me in my reviews. The reviews were overall goodish but he always felt like he needed to say weird things that made no sense. I thought the outside objective opinion which included videos of my teaching, essay questions and so much more. So when I told that principal I got my national certification on the first try, which is rare, he said “I hope you used what you learned in your class.” He was so dumb he didn’t know what it took to be Nationally certified, it’s not a class you take it is an assessment of your abilities. Let me shut up.
How many lives you impacted. I wish more teachers were like you.
Thank you for going into your experiences, very interesting and inspiring. Such truth in the fact that your practices allowed things that would warrant being referred to the guidance counsellor to BE unveiled, that you had greater sensitivity to these things.
Let it comfort you that you made a huge, life-saving difference
I agree that more guns is not the solution.
Something we can all do is… make more of an effort to connect with that one person that is alone in the room. That one person who looks like they don’t fit in. They are the people we need to pay attention to. Sometimes someone just wants to be noticed, be seen or heard. If we can make people feel part of the community they will have a better sense of belonging.
What happened in Texas terrifies me. I have 2 school aged children. Their school wrote of precautions taken. Security measures in place.
I just can’t.
Thank you for all of the teachers. They are most often underappreciated and also have so much influence on young lives. I had some great teachers. I didn’t have a tough home life thankfully, but I was encouraged to read by this great, ready to retire english lit teacher. He introduced me to so many authors that were not on the required reading list.
I didn’t have to worry about gun violence while growing up, but I did see plenty of racism, and I was too afraid that I’d draw the hatred to myself if I spoke up. I’m so scared about what is in our future.
Take care, TT. X
Tamara, take all the time you need. I totally get it. I can feel myself headed for a breakdown. I’ve been compartmentalizing shit for too long. I know I’ve been hyper focused on the trial as a distraction and with world events, isolation and now the school tragedy just a few hours away I know I’m going to lose it. I will shut down and then probably be screaming into the void again by Monday or so. It’s just too much and I’ve caught myself pushing the bad thoughts like El Paso down. I’m not going to be able to stuff it much longer. And I’m eating my feelings again. It’s not a good look. I’m happy that you are taking care of yourself and acknowledging when you need to take a beat. I’m not doing a very good job for myself and I know it. And the vicious circle begins again. Sigh. Sending you a warm hug.
I heard the news. Drove to work. I broke down the first time someone addressed me. I feel like puking thinking about it and how it is allowed to happen.
An 18 yr. old walks into Texas gun store on his birthday. Buys an AR-15, a shotgun and a hand gun without a background search, i.d. or having to register the weapons of war he purchased thanks to recently relaxed gun laws that were already too relaxed.
It’s disgusting to listen to the Republican Senators & Congressman putting out condolences while pocketing NRA money. Mitt Romney-Utah Senator alone, has taken $13 million from NRA while publicly mourning on social media and t.v. the children shot in the face and the valiant teachers who sacrificed their lives to save their children.
I didn’t event get a chance to process the loss of community leaders, family members, friends, co-workers, innocent people in Buffalo, and then this?!?!?
We are the only fucking country in the motherfucking world with this problem. When other countries experienced their first mass shooting, strict gun laws went into effect and guess what! They don’t have this shit dealt to their people anymore.
Polling shows 90% of Americans support background checks but we can’t get the Republican party to even put the 2 year old bill on the floor for a first fucking step to wrestling this tragic American problem to the ground. GOP have the blood of all these mass shooting on their hands. So beware any staunch republican who fucking comes for me for this opinion of mine that I am posting because you could replace these bought and paid for POS’s with republicans with a fucking soul, yet they keep getting re-elected.
I am disgusted. Truly disgusted with the republican party… and ashamed that the supposed greatest country in world can’t even protect their own citizens in schools, churches, grocery stores, Walmarts, shopping malls, concerts…………..