YAY! It is time for another RHONJ recap! The YAY! Is very sarcastic. When recapping a reunion, especially Jersey they scream over each other all the time and my old lady ears can’t differentiate who is saying what. It’s a PITA. But we pick up with Joe storming off the set and quitting the show and Andy sends Teresa to bring him back. Personally, I find Joe Gorga much more interesting than the Felon By Bravo. And he deserves to be paid. Okay. This is how far I got in the recap before I laid my head down for just one minute. It’s been a stressful few weeks. Sorry. I was just exhausted. I’m trying to pry my eyes open now.
We begin with Joe Gorga beginning fed up with Teresa insulting him all the time. It’s the first every house husband storm off I think. Frankly, I think if Andy had the kind of power y’all think he does with casting, he would save Joe over Teresa anyday. This is the best husband group across any of the Real Housewives franchises. Is Teresa’s disco ball jumpsuit split in the ass? While Andy goes back stage to attempt to quell the sibling spat, the other girls use the time on stage to address Delores and Jennifer about always siding with Teresa. It’s all happening in a very mature way.
Don’t Call Me Bitch Boy! (Or Girl)
Andy is backstage trying to lure Teresa back on the stage but she is acting like a wild animal. Frankly, I am still half asleep. I was out like a like you guys. Teresa says she would never put her brother down. Andy and Joe point out she has done it twice tonight. She gives a flippant “sorry.” Just when you think that no one can be worse at apologies that Ramona Singer, Teresa says “Hold my beer.” Andy puts Louie in charge of getting through to Teresa and tells Joe to take a break. He will come out later with the guys. Could Andy FINALLY be getting as sick of Teresa as the rest of the planet?
So Teresa goes back on stage with Andy to continue to brawl with the women. Before the actual filming resumes Andy meets Delores’ new man over Facetime. He’s Irish! He seems like a good guy. I still don’t understand the Frank situation. Frank has moved in with David. Dolores is back in her now fully restored house. Everyone loves Paulie. Except, Teresa who hasn’t really met him. Andy says Dolores needs to set up Paulie’s ex with Frank. David is now dating of Louie’s exes. But, supposedly not one of the “crazy” ones. The woman was dating Louie for the two months previously to him dating Teresa. Then, he ghosted her for Teresa. Great guy!
Teresa Wants The Attention Back On Her!
Teresa is sofa king self absorbed that she can’t stand when her own brother or her best friend Delores is the focus of our attention. Can someone get her a Dr. Seuss book or something to keep her occupied while the adults in the room talk? After the break, I learn that Rhianna is looking to Teresa Giudice as the woman on the entire planet she wants to us a parenting model? Well, so far, she is doing great at that, they both have criminals for their sperm donors in relationships that will never last.
Is Teresa trying to make a yacht girl out of Gia like Yolanda did her daughters? I did not know about this “yacht incident.” At least Gia is 21 now and apparently in a steady relationship so maybe not. Andy addresses Gia’s concerns that she moved in with Louie to fast. Teresa first tried to blame it on Margaret again. Then, she says the allegedly abused exes are all jealous. She stands up and does a twirl, then she says “Mirror, Mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all. This is the most spot on thing Teresa has ever said.The quote is from the Evil Queen in Snow White is so vain she doesn’t just stare at herself in the mirror all day, she gets her mirror to tell her who she needs to kill.
Are We Really About To Talk About Finger Banging?
Apparently, Teresa Giudice is not the only RHONJ! Who knew? As we try to acknowledge that fact, we begin with Andy asking Delores about “drunk Melissa fingerbanging here. And with that RHONJ and Andy Cohen has sunk to a new low. Should we ask Andy Cohen about being a “circuit raisin”? Then he asks Jackie’s no oral sex rule. But, we quickly move in to her eating disorder issues. Jackie is eating normal foods now. She says she used to give herself two meals a week that she could eat in public. She is still really embarrassed about her disorder. My heart breaks for Jackie.
Then we talk about Teresa’s fat shaming of Margaret all season. Margaret is NOT FAT. What is wrong with these people. She appears to be at a healthy weight and the TV cameras add 20 pounds. I doubt she is bigger than a size ten if that! This is why people get eating disorders! Teresa is a horrible person. Then she says, ” Wasn’t trying to fat shame her, I’m not stupid.” Um, yes you were and yes you are. You are in fact so stupid, you don’t even know you are stupid. Then, the moron’s response to everything becomes, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
More Body Shaming???
After the break, Andy asks if Jennifer thinks she does too much plastic surgery. Has he ever asked Heather Dubrow that question? Jennifer is very honest about her surgeries. She got a mommy makeover after having five kids and got a nose job. (And a chin implant that was removed shortly after). Then we move on to the brawling between Jennifer and Margaret this season. Margaret revealed Bill’s cheating on national TV. What kind of segue is this? They are all so mean to Jennifer. Except for Delores.
At least Margaret felt bad about it. Teresa can’t stop rolling her eyes because the focus is not on her. Andy kind of blames Jennifer for going on the show with a secret. Andy asks about the kids reactions. Why do we need to know that. We move on to issues between Melissa and Jennifer. I didn’t realize they ran so deep. I must have forgotten why Melissa is so against Jennifer. Oh Andy talks about the whole Joe Gorga is a crook thing, and Jennifer has made blown up posters about Joe’s bad press. Wasn’t it Jackie who did that last year? I don’t remember. Jennifer’s point is that Melissa owes her an apology. Whatever. Moving on.
Good God. He Who Shall Not Be Named is on WWHL. NOPE! Not happening.
What Is Going On?
All of this random bitching about things from seasons ago is ridiculous! They are literally reliving fights since the beginning of time! Why is the cow’s ass turned to the ladies? THIS IS WHY! It’s all bullshit! Incoherent Screaming. Thank God it is over. Next week, Andy confronts Louie about all the stories out there about what a POS he is that Teresa is ignoring.
Sorry for the delay. I’m been feeling unwell this week and apparently needed a nap.