I had no idea that tonight was the premiere of season 12 of RHOBH. As I was doing setups, it took me ten minutes to remember Garcelle’s name, and I love her. So I am a bit unprepared for this RHOBH Recap. I am interested to see if I actually believe Dorit’s story about “the break-in” or if she just needed a storyline. Yesterday, I watched hours and hours of RHOBH while sleeping through most of it. I had forgotten how Sutton was the punching bag all last season. I will be pissed if they keep picking at her and gaslighting her this season. She is my favorite. Hopefully, their new target will be Erika Jayne, who deserves it.
You Picked The Wrong Bitch
We begin this episode with the footage of the break-in and Dorit’s dramatic recollection of the events. She thought she was going to die. If she has time to tell herself she is okay, why isn’t she calling 911? Or getting her kids and hiding in a closet? Then we cut to checking in with some of the families. Rinna is still besties with Erika it seems. Garcelle and Sutton are getting what is basically a couples massage. I would not want a massage with anyone else in the room talking. Garcelle says she likes it deep and hard. Dorit and kids are on their way to London? Portia and Kyle are taking Krav Maga lessons. Portia’s mental health is much improved.
Next, we see Garcelle and Sutton in Miami. Garcelle has a charity event with her and Sutton went with her. Wait, what? Neither of them like cheesecake? Who doesn’t like cheesecake? Erika is dating and looking for sex. Rinna is pissed that Sutton said on WWHL that she invited Rinna and Harry didn’t thank her for inviting them. Here we go picking on Sutton again. She got so much money from her divorce, according to my sources, she is the richest person on the show other than MAYBE Kathy Hilton.
Sutton And Crystal Are Friends Now?
Next, Sutton drops by Crystal’s how to see her half a million dollar basement renovation. Sutton and Crystal hung out together over the summer. Sutton tells Crystal about what she said on WWHL about Lisa and Harry Hamlin not thanking her for the invite to the Elton John fundraiser. Then she asks Crystal to set her up with a tall, handsome educated man who likes cats. Do straight men even like cats? Ha, Crystal says all the men she knows do not like cats.
Garcelle and Erika go to work out and Garcelle wants to let Erika know that it is not okay to treat Sutton the way she does. Erika says she really didn’t want to work out. But, she was drinking a lot and waking up to find Taco Bell wrappers all over the kitchen and she didn’t remember ordering it. I got an email from Amex today asking me to rate my customer service call with “William” several days ago and I have no idea why I would have called them. Probably something about the PayPal fiasco. Garcelle asks Erika to apologize to Sutton. She is not interested at all in doing that.
Then, Erika starts to lie! STRAIGHT UP LIES! She claims there was never $20 million dollars in her LLC. She’s right about it and the bankruptcy trustees have the receipts! Then she says, “I will never get away from widows and orphans even if it is not true. IT IS SO TRUE! She says the bankruptcy trustee said she never touched the money! LIES! Garcelle doesn’t believe her either. Erika can’t even explain to production how it was disproven. She just cusses a lot and tells them to do their research. She seems to be saying you can’t divorce an incompetent person.
The Break- In
Meanwhile, Dorit’s kids are taking karate lessons. It seems a bit early for that but the boy at least seems really into it. Garcelle calls to ask about her trip to London. Apparently, her kids were in a wedding there. PK stayed for a few more days. So, we are getting close to the breakin. Yep later that night the break-in happens. Why do they have no cameras in their bedroom where the gunman allegedly held a gun to her head and she thought she was going to die. All the RHOBH get in contact and are extremely terrified for Dorit. The kids slept through the whole thing.
Suttons goes to see Kyle. Kyle is sobbing. She has been on the phone with PK. But Sutton makes it all about her day not going well. Kyle is horrified. To be fair, Sutton is not being sympathetic. However, on the other side of town, Rinna and Crystal are looking at a place to host Harry Hamlin’s SEVENTIETH BIRTHDAY. WOW. He is the hottest seventy year old I have ever seen! These two at least acknowledge that the Dorit situation is their priority. My girl Sutton is still jabbering on to Kyle about her dating life. I love Sutton and HATE Dorit. But there is no excuse for this. My girl is looking really bad in this episode. Then my other favorite,Kyle, says, HOLD MY BEER. And defends Erika’s attacks on Sutton.
Erika And Kyle Are Besties Now?
What is going on here? Erika drops by to film with Kyle? Kyle and Erika talk about the Dorit situation. It’s MONTHS later and Erika hugs Mauricio and tells him that his joking with PK hurt her big fat feelings. Oh please. Rinna arrives and hugs Kyle, Erika and Mauricio. Then Dorit arrives. It’s the day after her break-in. I wonder who is with the kids? Oh apparently PK has an assistant and as security team watching them. That makes no sense to me. Dorit goes through her whole story. She says the burglars put a gun to her head and one said to “just fucking kill her.”
Bitch at me all you want, but I don’t believe this story. Erika tells Dorit she needs to get into therapy right away. Lots of dramatics. Garcelle shows up. She asked the burglar not to take her phone. He allegedly said count to 40 and I will leave your phone by the gate. And he did. What’s the point of having a gate if it is not locked? Am I just a huge bitch? Is this ringing true to you guys? They all eat dinner on the living room couch. PK arrives. Rinna says that she feels bad about having Harry’s birthday party the next day. He says in his religion (what religion is that) they never cancel a happy occaision for a sad occaision. Then he takes her home in a production car.
PK left his phone at Kyle’s house. So instead of her waiting in the car she waits on a bench outside of Kyle’s house. Leaving her crying alone. And there it ends. I am dying to know what you think about this episode! Please let me know in comments. Am I being a bitch or making sense?