Of all the current shows airing, my RHONJ recaps get the most views by far. This proves my point and explains why Bravo loves to hire criminals, and physically abusive loudmouths on their shows. Hate watching causes a lot more eyes on the screens than a nice little happy trip to the beach. It’s human nature. Before we get started, I want to give my award for best dresses to Jennifer Aydin. She and Melissa are the only ones without their titties hanging out. Jennifer’s dress is a tad bit short when she sits down. Melissa’s dress doesn’t fit her right and neither does Dolores’s. The other looks are just bad. Teresa’s is the worst close up. From a afar it is a (I’m blanking on the word to describe a one piece pants suit) but Andy Cohen loves them.
So Things Start Off Well Enough, But Then…
In other news, the seating arrangement is weird. Especially with Melissa and Dolores being on the end. It should have been Jackie on that couch. Anyway, let’s get started. Andy mentions that Teresa just had an emergency appendectomy and her doctor says she can’t yell. He’s hoping for lowkey conversations especially between Teresa and Margaret. That is not something Teresa knows how to do. Andy greets everyone else. Jennifer removed her chin implant. Dolores is in love with a new guy. Jackie’s eating disorder is improving and she looks great. Teresa shows off her engagement ring. As soon as she said, “He picked it out” I immediately said, “Yeah, but you paid for it.” Enough of that. Let’s get to the down and dirty part.
Jackie basically says that Dolores is two faced. Just a few minutes in, Jennifer is calling Dolores a fucking liar. Jennifer is no longer friends with Dolores. Viewers feel like Dolores was a bad friend. Twelve minutes in and Dolores and Jennifer both start screaming at each other and telling each other to shut the fuck up. It’s just a bunch of unintelligible screaming. Margaret joins in the screaming match. Did I mention I love Jennifer’s dress?
Bill Should Not Have Stuck His Dick In Someone Else
Andy moves on to talk to Jennifer about her comment that she has no sympathy for Bill because he should not have stuck his dick in someone else. A comment that really pissed Jennifer off. She say her feelings to Jackie are better after seeing the words in context. However, all she could think about is that her kids were going to hear this. Dolores is asked why she felt she carried that information to Jennifer. Jackie is confused why everyone is clutching their pearls over the word dick when Teresa is always talking about eating pineapple to my her lady garden taste good. Teresa Giudice tells Jackie that she is not classy. Read that last sentence again. It’s hysterical how deluded Teresa is.
Teresa gets grief from the viewers about trying to uncover evidence of “Evan cheating.” But, then Jackie says she did apologize but kept on digging. Teresa screams prove it, bitch!” and… more screaming. Teresa is so classless. Andy asked Jennifer if Teresa asked her to dig things up on Evan. She said no. But, then immediately said she called one person (so the answer was yes, because Teresa was pissed about Jackie’s analogy) and there was nothing to find. Cue the incomprehensible screaming.
Oh God, Not The Love Bubble!
Here we go with the Louie nonsense. This should have waited until the husbands (and Frank) come out. Andy points out that there was a lot of bad press out there about Louie before anything came up. Andy asks what she sees in him and she says they have never had one fight. They communicate, he doesn’t yell or curse. Andy says this is the polar opposite of Joe Guidice. It’s like the caveman and Oprah. Oh Andy, bad analogy. Louie is no Oprah. However, Teresa finally agrees with an analogy. She says she is in love with Louie, but when she married Joe she was not in love. That’s nice for her daughters to hear.
Teresa says that her girls like Louie and living together as a blended family is going well. It was an adjustment because Gia and Milania like to walk around naked. Then Andy talks about Teresa and Louie not getting a prenup. Lots of people on Twitter are freaking out about that including Bethenny Frankel. I don’t want her to get a prenup. I want this sorry excuse for a man to take her for every last dime like she did to other people. Teresa thinks Louie has more money than she does. Andy strongly encourages her to get on. Only Jennifer and Melissa were invited. Dolores was not. Theresa says she only invited couples she and Louie hang out with the party.
First of all, what girl over 25 wants to be a bridesmaid. NOBODY. Melissa says she wasn’t upset about not being a bridesmaid because she thought Teresa’s daughters would be. But, Teresa is having her future sisters-in-law, Louie’s sisters to be her bridesmaids. That is so weird. Then Teresa says to Melissa, “Look where you are sitting and where I am sitting.” What is this bitches problem? Then, Teresa says that she and Melissa are not close. Well, you could be Teresa if you weren’t such a rude, jealous, cunt toward Melissa! She’s always tried to make it nice! She bought you sprinkle cookies! Melissa says that when Teresa was in prison she was the one to take her girls to their dance classes. Melissa tells Andy to ask the girls who took them. She’s such an ungrateful ingrate.
Melissa says she was in the hospital with Teresa’s mother, she painted her toenails and held her hand. And when her father was dying she was also in the room holding her fathers hand as he passed. Teresa responds with she is not close with Melissa once again. Apparently, she is closer with Louie’s sisters. Let’s see how all that works out when he robs her blind. At the engagement party Melissa and Joe and their kids were sat at another table and Teresa and Louie sat with his family. WOW. Margaret backs up Melissa and says her only brother was not at her table. Teresa starts screaming at Margaret to shut the fuck up and calls her a stupid bitch who thinks she knows everything. Literally and random mouth breather on the planet knows more than Teresa.
Teresa said that is Melissa were getting married she would not be a bridesmaid. Melissa says she was a bridesmaid in her wedding. Then Teresa says that she was eight month’s pregnant at the time and it was rude of Melissa to get married while she was pregnant. WTF? Even Andy is rolling his eyes.
Andy Brings Joe Gorga Out On The Stage
Andy needs backup so he brings out Joe Gorga. First, Andy asks him if the bridesmaid situation is a topic in his home. He says yes. Teresa immediately starts interrupting her brother and trying to silence him. Joe says he can’t boo about Louie or she will “eat his heart out.” Joe was asked to be in the wedding but hasn’t decided yet because Melissa was not asked. He feels like Teresa not asking Melissa was a personal attack on him by his sister. Teresa says that Louie call Joe every day. Melissa says he calls all the time to talk about the show. Teresa denies that. She says Joe doesn’t give Louie the time of day. Joe is her only family member and she treats him like shit.
Teresa keeps screaming at Joe and Melissa. Her only family. Joe has told her twice that he loves her. Then, Jennifer butts in to say that the crux of the problem is that Melissa is friends with Margaret and has chosen her over Teresa. Then, we have a question from Twitter that asks for Teresa to name one time she has had Melissa’s back. She cannot. She asks her castmates for help to think of one. I see no hands. Then, suddenly, the whole set goes black because the lights went out. After the break, the lights return. She tries to point out the time that Jennifer physically attacked Melissa. But, on the footage, Teresa does NOTHING and continues to be friends and stay with Jennifer.
Jennifer Tries To Take The Target Off Of Teresa
Joe says that Jennifer called him a crook. Teresa says she heard it from Margaret. Melissa says the double standards are insane. Teresa was defending Jennifer that night. Not her family. Once again Margaret gets the blame for anything that is wide spread on the Internet. We have been hearing about Joe Gorga’s shady businesses since before Margaret was even on the show. The Margaret says that Jennifer is high half the fucking time and we have no idea how much pot Jennifer smokes. Teresa says “people function better when they are high.” I am not a person who smokes pot but I feel like it should be a requirement for all of these bitches, before coming on the reunion. Get a rapid Covid test. Get high. Stay in your seats.
They move on to the situation with Gia and Joe Gorga. He’s upset that his nieces are so angry with him. A viewer says that if her niece spoke to her uncle like Gia did, she would be horrified. And Teresa really hates when the public supports Joe over her. Tersea says that Gia and Melania watch the show. Seriously, someone needs to rescue Ariana. She should go live with Joe and Melissa. Melissa points out that her kids will eventually watch the show and see how badly she treats their parents. We get tons of old footage to back Melissa up. Andy points out that Joe Giudice still tweets nasty things about Joe Gorga. A viewer asks if Marge called Louie a little bitch boy, would she go crazy? Of course she would. But she lies. So why is it okay when Jennifer says that to her brother.
Teresa Hates That Joe Gorga Is Basically A Housewife
I do not. He’s actually my favorite housewife. Teresa is pissed that he was called on to the stage with out the other husbands. Andy make is clear that was his choice and he likes Joe Gorga’s interactions on the show. Joe is a way more decent human than Teresa. Teresa is jealous of Joe and Melissa for being more likable that her dumbass is. Joe says Teresa is always putting him down and her fucking friend Jennifer. Jennifer really hasn’t said anything about him. Dolores has been silent for hours. Then Jennifer calls Joe Gorga a “Bitch Girl” again. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?
Joe asks Teresa if it is okay with her that her little lap dog calls him a bitch girl. Jennifer is still screaming at Joe for “air slapping” her. Is that even a thing? Jennifer says she was trying to apologize. I must have missed that part. Joe says that he is going to call Louie a bitch boy when he comes out and see how you like it. Teresa says “I love my bitch boy.” Oh I so hope that Joe follows through on this. Teresa would lose her mind. Then, Teresa tells Joe that he is kind of like a housewife so the Bitch Boy comment is kind of accurate. Then, Teresa keeps up with the bitch boy thing. Joe is pissed, and Teresa sarcastically tells Jennifer not to call her brother a bitch boy. Then Joe has had enough. He storms off the stage and says he wants to quit the show. He says “Thank you Bravo it was a good 12 years. I done.” He mutters a lot of foul language on the way out.
Next time: Joe Gorga gets into it with Louie. Margaret and Jennifer fight over who is the worst friend.