It’s time for the couples retreat! I am excited for this MAFS recap. Sorry it is always so late but there is only so much time in the day for all of these recaps. The season has been a total bust. But, the couples retreat is always dramatic so I’m stoked. Let’s get to it.
With just two weeks before decision day, all the couples are going to Vermont for the weekend. Most of the girls are way overpacking. Housewives in training. Lindsey is driving and so is Katina. Jasmina says she and Michael they need to make a lot of progress in their relationship to say yes on decision day. Speaking of housewives, Lindsey and Mark arrived first raced to claim the best room. It’s a great house with a full on recreation room. Steve is annoyed with Noi about her childish social media posts. They argue all the way to Vermont. Noi is too immature to be married.
Noi Goes To Bed Mad; Lindsey Overreacts
As soon as everyone has chosen a room…there are ten bedrooms! The girls put on their swimsuits and get into the jacuzzi. The guys are in the kitchen making dinner. Olajuwon can’t be bother to do “women’s work.” So, Steve takes the lead in the kitchen. Noi talks to the guys about Noi’s childish social media posts. At dinner, Lindsey is acting ridiculous. No one is amused. Then, Michael says he has been opening up to Jasmina more. Katina and Olajuwon say they are in a good place. But are they? Noi shuts down Steve from talking about her social media. Steve points that he talks about it social media but not at the retreat. Noi is pissed.
The next morning, Michael is nervous about the daily activities that include meeting with a medium. Jasmina tries to prepare him for it. Mark and Lindsey seem playful in the morning. But, it’s a lot for Mark. Mark hopes that the Lindsey will relax at the sound bath. She is pissed at him now. Lindsey thinks everything is a dig. It does sort of remind me of my siblings at the holidays. There are lots of constant “jokes” about the baby sister. It does get old. But, I don’t think Mark is doing that.
Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch (Literally)
Katina and Olajuwon go out to walk some alpacas and see the newborn alpaca. It was born right before the couples arrived. Now the mother is passing the placenta and both of them were freaked out. To be far, it was kind of a lot to witness. Apparently, the sheep dogs will eat it. Then they walk and run an alpaca called Hersey. That was a cute date. Then, they have a picnic with wine and cheese. Olajuwon makes a good point when he brings up that Katina has two more years in school and she also wants a baby in two years. That’s a very busy two years. Olajuwon doesn’t want to pay the bills and support her after she has the baby??? He wants to travel a lot before that happens. Fair points I guess, but his delivery could use some work.
Noi and Steve take a chair lift ride and then ride plastic sleds down luge sort of race. Then, the do a bunch more scary rides. I think Noi has changed a lot since the begging. I feel like her mask is slipping. What happened to being so in love on like day three. Lindsey continues to complain to Mark. She does a decent job about explaining her feelings. Mark doesn’t get it.
A Medium And A Sound Bath
Jasmina and Michael go to see the medium. She immediately tells him about his brother’s passing and points out he has communicated in dreams. She also asked about prostates. Apparently his father died from prostate cancer. She see twin boys in a year and a half. She say Michael fell in love with Jasmina he moment he saw her. If she can see the future, shouldn’t she already know if they stay together on decision day? She says it will take Michael five years to find someone and Jasmina will find someone in a year and a half.
Mark and Lindsey go to get a sound bath. I’d like to do that. I’m surprised that Lindsey enjoyed it so much. Mark goes to sit alone by the campfire while Lindsey takes their bedding inside. Everyone gathers at the campfire where Jasmina and Michael are hosting field day. The game are flip cup, dodge ball and kick ball. They will be playing in two teams. Michael and Jasmina will be with Noi and Steve. Mark, Lindsey, Olajuwon and Katina will be on the other team. Micheal and Jasmina’s team win flip cup. Lindsey made fun of Mark for not being able to do that. Had it been her and he mocked her, she would have lost her mind. Mark and Lindsey’s team won kick ball. Dodgeball gets a bit rough, as expected. Mike and Jasmina’s team won dodgeball for the title.
Oh Lordy. This will not go well. Lindsey voted Noi as most likely to have cosmetic surgery. Noi laughed because she also voted for herself. So Noi is out. Next question, “Who is most likely to be the best liar in the group? My vote goes to Olajuwon. For some reason, Noi is still playing. Everyone including Jasmina picked Jasmina. Most likely to spend the most money on their partner. Hmmm Steve maybe? But Noi doesn’t know that. So Michael? Mark and Lindsey both said themselves. Lindsey laughs in Mark’s face. She is the one always taking jabs at him and embarrassing him in public.
Who is most likely to be a stay at home parent. Noi picks herself. That doesn’t surprise me a bit. That is why she is so concerned with Steve’s income. She doesn’t want to work. Lindsey takes shots at Steve for being jobless. I read online that Steve invented a very successful app for messaging people with lots of cool features like colored letters and different fonts. Again, there is Lindsey taking jabs at people. Lindsey said Mark. Who is most likely to lie to their friends about their sex life? Mark said Lindsey. When he was asked why Lindsey said, “Because I tell it it’s good.” Everyone’s jaw drops in shock and Lindsey just laugh her stupid laugh. Who is most likely to start a fight? This will all be Lindsey except she will probably say Mark. They didn’t show who Lindsey voted for but everyone else chose her. And she loses the game. And Tells them all she doesn’t give a fuck what they think.
Lindsey Throws Yet Another Tantrum
Next we see Lindsey confronting Mark for walking away from her. She asked if he walked away because of production. He said he walked away because of what she said. I assumed it was about he insulting his manhood during the game. But apparently, we missed the part where Mark went out to find her pouting at the fire pit alone. Mark tells Michael what happened. She wanted to make a fire. She was pissed that he used some of the kerosense she brought to start the fire. PRODUCTION LET LINDSEY HAVE KEROSENE? ARE THEY INSANE? Apparently, her husband using some of the kerosene they brought to start the fire was “crossing a boundary.”
She grabbed his arm and he told her not to. So, she told him to fuck off. He said he was leaving. Lindsey tries to come down the stairs and says she is going to drive home. BTW, she’s drunk. Olajuwon is trying to be the Lindsey whisperer and takes her outside. Michael convinces Mark to go try and find out what is really wrong with Lindsey. She is in bed crying and he gets in bed. Apparently, Olajuwon tried to explain to her that the things she said about Mark really hurt him. Basically, she just makes it worse. She thinks she is honoring him and he doesn’t honor her. Then, she starts poking him about how his life is falling apart.
How Does Mark Put Up With This Crap?
Mark leaves the bedroom and goes outside. Lindsey mutters, “It’s going to be so easy to say no to him.” Mark you need to run so far away from this one. As y’all know I keep trying to defend Lindsey but there is really no defense for her slick mouth. She dishes out it all day but Mark makes and innocent joke and she loses her ever-loving mind! What a hypocrite! She announced in their peer group that he is not good in bed for fucksake! WHO DOES THAT?
The next morning, Lindsey is throwing up and wants to go to urgent care. Guess what sweetie. You have a hangover. She’s the victim now. She apologized to Mark who is loading all they crap in the car. He should just leave her behind. But, he’s too nice for that. He’s taking her to Urgent Care. Because he is a good person. She pukes on the side of the road. Later she sleeps at the Urgent Care with and IV to dehydrate her drunk ass.
Overall This Was A Good Episode.
Everyone else has a nice champagne breakfast. They are all happy that they got to spend a nice weekend together before decision day. Noi says she is not sure what is going to happen on decision day. Steve also needs to say no. Olajuwon says it is possible he could love with Katina. Michael says that Jasmina took care of him when they went to the medium. She looks out for him. He gained a lot of trust in Jasmina. He’s starting to fall in love too.
On the car ride home, Noi continues to be an obnoxious child. Steve wants them to talk about their living arrangements after decision day when they get home. She has already said she’s not moving in. She disrespects your feelings. What is there to discuss? Just vote for divorce and let her go! Steve is cute and smart, and kind, and patient. I bet his DMs are overflowing. She clearly still wants to live her single life. She says she tends to put the needs of her partner before her on? Did Lindsey share her crackpipe with Noi? Noi is literally crying over her studio apartment. Next week, it is the hometown visits or visiting meaningful places in your life episode.
I’m going to watch the aftershow and if anything interesting happens I’m address it in the comment section.