So finally, I have a chance to watch The Bachelor. I don’t normally talk about this show because it is already spoiled in advance in a lot of places and I don’t want to know what happens. Also, I like having a few little shows that I can just watch without having to miss half of it by typing. But, my God. This season has been such a shit show (in kind of a good way, for the viewers) that I just need someone to talk to about this two night “Live” finale. Everyone was so pissed when Clayton was chosen to be The Bachelor this season. But, I thought The Bachelorette last season really fucked up sending him home. He seemed like a great guy and all of her students loved him.
If you are reading this and smart enough to not watch this nonsense, here is where we are. There are three girls left. Clayton has told them all he loves them. And he had sex with all three in the fantasy suites last week. What could possibly go wrong? Please indulge me with my random outbursts rather than a recap and if you would like to admit to watching, I’d love it if you would come sit next to me in comments. 🙂
Apparently, it is “live” because there is a studio audience. But they still have a whole lot to get through before the rose ceremony tomorrow night. If there is a rose ceremony tomorrow night. Because the shit is about to hit the fan and I am embarrassingly excited for it. Wow, I guess I missed Susie leaving last week are had too much wine because I watch it so late. But, It appears we are down to two. I kind of want to go back and watch. Maybe they will give me a reminder? I am so stupidly excited for this.
Clayton Needs Jesus
Oh Lord. Literally. After banging three girls in two or three days and telling them all he was in love with him, we find Clayton in church were a whole host of angels or a least a choir perform a private blessing for him or something. Will Jesus really be able to wash all his sins away? Wait! HE IS HURT? I definately missed a show or went and played Wordle and Quordle in the middle. Crap I forgot to do that today. Oh I remember now, Susie left because he slept with the other girls and that was a deal breaker. All of HIS trust is lost? Seriously? Men!
Both Rachel and Gabby arrive at a “rose ceremony” I am confused. With Susie leaving there is no need for this they are final two. This should be the part where they go off and wait for Clayton to propose to one of them and dump the other crushing her heart into a million pieces. that is how this show works what is happening here? They apparently have no idea where Susie is. Clayton tells them that Susie went home because he is a man whore who fucked all three of them and told them all he was in love with them. Poor guy, he doesn’t know what to choose.
Rachel and Gabby Go Off To Cry
Does anyone know where they are? Are they still in Iceland? What is this place with all the stairs? Has anyone been to Iceland? It used to be really cheap to go there and it’s a great jump off to Europe. Clayton hears all the crying. Rachel takes the rose. Gabby does not. This is madness. Rachel falls to her knees. Two out of the final three have left. But, he tries to get Gabby to stay. Clayton is such a doucebag. Gabby begs for an apology. He begs for a second chance. Good grief. He is going to be the most hated Bachelor ever and that is no small feat.
Gabby seems to be second guessing herself. Rachel feels like she is the only one dumb enough to stay, because, yeah. Gabby comes back and accepts the rose. God Lord. So now they have to meet his family. Gabby is the one who can’t stop saying like three times in every sentence. He should have sent her home for that. But Clayton does the same thing. Next some former people from the show talk about Clayton and point out that Clayton already told Susie he loved her the most.
So now he is picking from second and third choice to propose to. I’m not sure if this is the best or worst season of The Bachelor. I prefer Bachelor in Paradise. At least that is just a fuckfest. This is utterly ridiculous. Clayton’s family arrives in Iceland. He goes in to them what a fuckup he is. His dad already looks disgusted with him. He is totally is on the women’s side. His parents point out that he’s a fuckup and you can’t be in love with three women at once. I don’t think he knows what love is. His dad tells him that he has “screwed the pooch.” The mom says she feels like the final two are the “consolation prize.” where is the lie?
Final Two Goes To Meet The Family
This is turning out to be more of a recap than I thought. Gabby goes to meet the family. Gabby is way too good for Clayton. And so is Rachel. Why is Clayton’s mom crying over Gabby? Gabby really likes the family. Oh Gabby. Don’t fall for this. Clayton’s mom seems to really like her. His dad likes her too. But, the problem is their loser son. Gabby keeps saying “I really want to be here.” Here, in Iceland? Here on the show?
Rachel goes to meet the family. And I am really starting to consider going to Iceland. Clayton tells Rachel that he is so grateful for her giving him a second chance. Good Lord. He will probably break her heart again. Rachel tells his mom she really thinks he is the one. His mom says that her staying speaks volumes. Volumes of stupidity. Clayton’s dad says he would have smacked him. Raquel says she is very much in love with him. Clayton feels like he knows who he wants to be with. Or not. He is so not ready to get married. He wants Susie. His family says that Susie made the choice to leave. Dad says he is too focused on the one that got away.
Jessie arrives and tells Clayton and the family that Susie is still in Iceland. I typed that before he even said it. Clearly, this will end with Clayton and Susie getting engaged.
Anyone want to hear my blathering next week?
OH AND PLEASE NO SPOILERS! THAT IS THE REASON I DO NO RECAP THIS SHOW! I KNOW THEY ARE OUT THERE! LET ME HAVE THIS SHOW. 🙂