Houston, we have a problem! Andy Cohen continues to tag his show onto the housewives for ratings and that means I can’t record to night’s show because of a double conflict between The Bachelor Finale that I will NOT BE MISSING and This Is Us at 9 o’clock. So this is going to have to be a speed recap where everything must get done in 60 minutes or less. So I’m not going to be very chatty tonight. And fuck you, Andy Cohen. So here is the rapid fire RHONJ Recap for tonight.
We begin tonight with Bill leaving the Guys night out because Evan was insulting his wife. Frank is very sweet trying to get him to come back, but Bill is not having it and leaves. Then Louie shows up for his interrogation. He denies all claims about assaulting women in previous relationships. Then, he claims the woman making the claims stabbed her husband with a butcher knife. All of this raises concerns with Joe Gorga. But, Teresa has made it clear she wants to be with Louie so he is going to keep his opinions to himself. Oh, and Teresa called to check on Louie on guys night. I’m half blind. What does Marge’s Joe’s arm tattoo say? The next day, the wives are all irritated that Louie deflected and basically blamed the victim.
Family Drama And An Anniversary
Bill seems unable to communicate with Jennifer and the marriage is likely to get worse because of it. Meanwhile, Dolores’s kids are moving into the newly renovated house. Dolores is very concerned about her mother’s surgery. Dolores’s daughter still talks to David every day. That’s kind of weird. There are tons of 30 second scenes with each family that makes it kind of hard to recap. Marge is going to throw a spa day with the girls to help Dolores relax during this difficult time. She is not going to invite Jennifer just to keep the peace. Oh lord, Gia doesn’t think her mom went to jail because she did anything. Girl, read some documents. Aren’t you going to school for some sort of legal major? Study harder.
Gabriella is so pretty. Melissa’s daughter Antonia is pissed that they moved during the middle of high school. She doesn’t want to cheer anymore after tearing her ACL. Ugh. I hate sitting through commercials. Maybe I can start my Wordle during them. Next, we get a ridiculous scene with Teresa and Louie on a boat ride for their anniversary. He has a guy playing saxophone. Teresa played sax in elementary school. Ha! There is a chef making them dinner. She gave him a bracelet of some sort. It’s time for his big gift reveal. It’s a giant scroll with twenty reasons why he loves her. One is her “bashfulness”? These two both have the mentality of third graders. They are a perfect for each other. Finally got Wordle. I hate when the word uses a letter more than once.
I love Marge’s reaction to the Louie scroll. He loves her honesty? Literally none of the 20 affirmations were grounded in reality. They all talk about Jennifer behind her back. At least Teresa says that Traci needs to stop trashing Jennifer (in confessional) because she doesn’t even know her. Stop making me agree with Teresa. After some of the girls go into treatment the others feel bad that David is comforting everyone in her family except her. Traci just doesn’t fit in with these women. That could be a good thing for her. Melissa feels terrible for moving Antonia during high school. She had miserable experience changing high schools herself.
I just taped the 3:30 am rerun of WWHL because Loni Love is on with Teresa Giudice. I love Loni. When Traci’s group goes back for massages, Teresa says that she’s annoyed with Traci. Delores sticks up for Jennifer. Meanwhile, Jennifer goes out for bagels with her brother. Jennifer had to call their mother in Turkey and tell her about Bill’s affair ten years ago. Her brother seems like a great brother. They talk about her marriage and he is very supportive. And that hits the 9 pm mark. Off to watch this shit show of a Bachelor Finale. So excited!