It’s always weirdly comforting to write a Summer House recap whilst buried in 6 feet of snow. It may be snow covered out of my window, but on tv it is blazin hot! Speaking of weather, I’m a bit under it today. This recap may be brief, I apologize. I had to get this up and going so we can discuss this hot mess of a show we all love! The 4th of July party from last week is winding down. Amanda is still super drunk and harassing a poor girl who isn’t drinking. Kyle apologizes for her, which foreshadows what their entire marriage will be. Each constantly apologizing for the other’s shitty behavior. MARRIAGE SHOULD BE FUN!
Ladies Who Lunch
Paige and Andrea are in bed having fun. Andrea is hot. In a HUGE slap in the face to our dear Robert, the girls order delivery food! WHAT? Robert put on an amazing looking crab boil. Blasphemy! Mya talks to Danielle about what Chef’s hours are truly about. Mya also cleans up the kitchen while the heathens pass out. I really like Mya. She’s a great new addition. She seamlessly fits in while being a voice of sanity and reason (so far), Alex is too food obsessed and has zero personality (so far). Mya for the win in the newbie category! Oh, now Robert is cleaning up pounds and pounds of food that these drunkards left behind. Beyond angry. Come cook for the zoo Robert! We won’t waste an ounce of your incredible looking cooking!
Amanda decides to ditch Kyle to ride with Paige, Mya and Ciara. On the way home, they stop for lunch. Paige says she’s torn between Andrea and Craig. She hilariously wonders if Andrea and Craig decide what they have is more special then what Paige has with either of them. She’ll be left out on the porch like Kyle’s clothes. Lol. Ciara is anxious for Austen’s arrival the next weekend. I just can’t. Mya is still getting her footing with being single. She’s so beautiful and sweet, she won’t be single for long. Amanda continues to justify being with Kyle. Ciara says that after smashing all of Kyle’s things, they should be considered done. Ciara and I don’t agree on much, but this is where we do.
Someone Needs To Disengage
Amanda and Kyle work from home. They have a talk about their relationship. Again. Kyle doesn’t think Amanda gets how much he has invested in Loverboy. Literally 4.2 million dollars in a loan to be exact. Amanda needs Kyle to manage his stress better and to drink less. Amanda says that her fear is after ause they get married and have kids, he won’t change. She’s right. Yet she goes through with the wedding anyway. Kyle cries. Amanda consoles. My sympathy for Amanda is officially gone. She started out as being a booty call. “Moved up” to girlfriend. Then fiancé. Now she’s the wife. She has the benefit of watching back ALL of their toxic relationship. She still chooses this life. So happy trails Mama. I’m officially out of fucks to give for either of them.
Just like that, we’re back in the Hamptons. It’s the big Craig and Austen appearance weekend. Yay. Carl and Ciara continue to flirt. Don’t love this. Robert surprises Danielle with a sweet picnic in the pool house for their one year anniversary! I love them together. Danielle radiates happiness. Amanda is envious. She could have that kind of relationship, but nope! Anywho, Andrea is feeling weird about Craig’s imminent arrival. Austen called Ciara with the news he isn’t coming! YAY! Andrea feels weird sleeping with Paige while she is also dating his friend. Quite the predicament. When Craig arrives, Andrea pulls him aside for a chat. Andrea doesn’t like how Paige and Craig kept their brewing romance from him. He would have backed off had they just come to him with it.They ‘bro’ it out and moved on as good friends.
A Very Messy Threesome
They all go out to a club where Paige and Craig make out in front of Andrea. Lindsay calls out how messy it all is. It really is. At the house Lindsay and Paige discuss the Kristin Cavallari/Austen/Craig triangle taking place on Instagram. Paige thought Austen and Kristin were hooking up when it was really Craig and Kristin. Paige is devastated. She’s the only one allowed to lead a triangle! She’s hurt because Kristin is rich and famous, which is tough competition. Craig then explodes on Lindsay. He called her a loser, then Paige weak, for allowing Lindsay to get in her head. FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF CRAIG! Mya tells Paige that she’s being gas-lit by Craig. Mya is a thousand percent correct. Paige asks Craig if he and Kristin are still sleeping together. We have to wait until next week to find out.
Danielle and Lindsay are both on WWHL though! Very short synopsis: Danielle and Lindsay look gorgeous. Robert is in the audience. He got a haircut and looks FINE! This is Danielle’s first clubhouse appearance. She and Lindsay are on the same page of most everything. They love Mya. Both think Craig and Paige are good together. Neither of them likes Ciara. Since Ciara threw a full on glass at Danielle, no one can blame them. Lindsay doesn’t care what Craig thinks about her. Lindsay and Carl are going strong. They bought a car together. She hasn’t had a drink in two months. It’s not clear if that’s out of solidarity for Carl or not. Danielle and Lindsay come off as smart, beautiful, best friends. Loved this episode! Let’s discuss all of it in the comments. See you there!