Let’s hope I can do a better job on this week’s RHOSLC recap than I did last week. For some reason, all kinds of real life shit happens on Sunday nights and tonight is no exception. Also, I have been struggling to get photos but I am starting to realize that my Internet is very slow due to the weather. I’m actually lucky I have it at all so I don’t have many new photos tonight.
We start with bitches fighting on the van. Jen is still screaming about people supporting Mary more than they do her. Lisa who has basically tongued Jen’s ass all season is in a screaming match with Felon By Bravo Jen because Jen thinks Lisa sticks up for Mary more. How the hell is Jen supposed to choose between a cult leader and someone who was arrested by the Feds for fleecing old people? I mean normal people would cut them both off, but hey, welcome to RHOSLC, y’all. Production has to pull Jen off of Lisa, her BFF. Jen is still somehow talking about Meredith and Mary being behind her arrest. Girl sit you ass down and shut up.
Everyone Makes It To Zion Alive
Lisa goes over to hug Jen. She tells her she loves her and she is there for her. And just like that, everyone makes up. They want to give Jen the best room. That’s kind since she won’t have a nice room at Camp Cupcake. The RHOSLC have some of the best AirBnB’s of all the cast. It’s a really nice house and somehow they all arrive in one piece. Let the champagne flow. What could go wrong? Jen got the master suite. Crime pays. Also, Jen is wasted. I shouldn’t admit it, but I love the hoodlums on this show. Jen and Mary are must see crazy TV.
The women try to decompress from the van ride. Some try to explain things to their husbands. When they all go out by the pool, Jennie admits she does not know how to swim and is terrified of the water. Jen Shah comes out and tries to jump on a floaty and falls in the water. Don’t worry. Old people are paying for her glam squad. Whitney is tasked by doing that hippy dippy thing where everyone walks around a maze and releases their resentments or whatever. Is there one of these mazes at every single place the housewives go? Because we have seen this a thousand times now. Is there nothing new under the real housewives sun?
The Requisite Spiritual Healing
Here we go again with the labyrinth thing that is apparently all the rage out west when housewives go to a spa. Whatever. But first, Meredith and Mary need to arrive. Meredith arrives first and Whitney and Heather hide from her. I like Meredith and Whitney and Heather. Why are they hiding? Oh Mary is there too. So Meredith and Mary get Whitney and Heather to let them into the bathroom. They share that Jen and Lisa got into a huge physical fight on the bus. Meredith is pissed that people were fighting about her. Mary is pissed because she loves watching women brawl.
Heather and Whitney don’t get why Meredith and Mary are so thrilled with the news about the drama on the van ride. Everyone gets dressed in their white looks for the spiritual healing crap. Sidenote: The snow is over and I enjoyed it so much. 🙁 Tomorrow will be an ice rink and lots of bumper car stuff. 🙁 I hope everyone just stays off the road since it is MLK Day. Whitney tries to encourage Jen Shah to come get her soul cleansed. lol. Meredith and Mary are not ready to go. Apparently they have to be there before sundown. Meredith wore jeans. The van leaves Mary and they will come back for her.
The Cleansing Of Souls
We’re going to need a whole lot of cleansing. Meanwhile, Mary is left behind to do her makeup and stuff. Everyone does their little labyrinth walk to release their bad energy and resentments. Then, they drum everyone’s name, and I kind of agree with Mary for once. She shows up and is having none of it. But, I would have done it. It might be peaceful. Or you know, make me really dizzy. Whitney is pissed that Mary refused to participate. Everyone feels lighter after the labyrinth. So that’s a good thing.
Is dinner time. I think we all knows what that means by now. Jen shedded her white look for a snakeskin look. That’s HILARIOUS! Meredith was is my girl, does seem all the way up Mary’s ass at dinner. That is disappointing. Mary is just being a cunt. Meredith said she didn’t want to be on the bus because everyone is so hostile. What is going on with Meredith and Jen. Why is Meredith so into Jen Shah. Meredith says that Jennie called Jen Shah a criminal. Jennie says all she said if is the charges are true she didn’t want to be around Jen. Jen storms of “to the bathroom.”
Why Is Meredith Suddnenly BFFs With Mary?
Meredith is suddenly BFFs with Mary? Talk about picking the wrong horse. Lisa says she was there for Meredith. Wait, remind me what Meredith’s issues are again? Has she been arrested by the FEDs? Is she running a cult? What more support does she need than what Lisa gave her? And I don’t even like Lisa. My cable is going in and out I am missing some of this. Also, my Internet is going in and out. If I am MIA tomorrow during the ice storm, you will know why. I am not sure why Meredith and Jen are thing now. I am struggling just like Whitney to understand what the fuck is happening her. I’m going to need you guys to make it make sense. Mostly because Banjo keeps needed to go out in the rain/sleet. He’s too old for that!
Oh here we go. Jennie points out that Mary has said racist comments to her and Meredith defended her. This is where we get to the part where Mary bailed on the show rather than face her racism at the reunion. Meredith is “disengaging.” She tries to go to bed. They send Mary to get her back. Mary goes running after her. Meredith says she is traumatized about being around Jen. Um, why? I don’t get it. Mary and Meredith come back to the table. Mary tells Whitney she can’t give her what she is looking for. Again IDGI. Jen Shah asks Meredith why she hired a private investigator to research her. Meredith says she hired an investigator to investigate threats against her family. Jen screams at Jennie and seems to be blaming Jennie for Jen getting investigated.
Who’s Zooming Home?
Meredith points out that the private investigator found Jen to the be the one sending threats to her family. (Mostly Brooks). I believe that. Then Meredith points out that she has seen Jen Shahs vagina over and over and her son unfortunately saw it as well. Hell, if it weren’t for TV regulations (thank you) we would have all seen it. Well just wait until you see what Mary does to you Meredith. You have shit taste in housewives, you should have stuck with Lisa. I’m sure half the planet has seen Jen Shah’s vagina. Jen thinks Meredith has something to do with her arrest. Lots of incoherent screaming occurs.
The Jen drops a bomb. “Ask your ten other motherfucking boyfriends.” Well word on Mama Joyces streets is that Jen and Meredith are both in open marriages. And, as luck would have it the guy that Jen ran too in that whole bizarre thing after she left Heather’s house and went to her lover’s house ALLEDGEDLY was the same guy that Meredith is hooking up with. Anyway I’ll update Heather’s WWHL if I hear anything important.