I’ve been up since 3a.m. because I fell asleep around this time (6 p.m.) last night and slept for 9 hours.). I kept meaning to take a nap this morning but never got around to it. So, once again I am concerned I might sleep through this Vanderpump Rules Recap. I really, really want to lie down for a bit. This “sinus infection” and lethargy is kicking my ass. I’m going to do my best to push through. I tried Vitamin B to keep me awake and puked that right up. Then I made coffee so I should be good to go now.
Why oh Why do we have to witness the breast pumping with all the pregnant Bravo moms. Surely, they can do that off camera. I get actually breast feeding a kid while filming, like Ashley from RHOP does, because the kid is hungry. But, enough with the pumping on camera. Anyway we start with Lala pumping while chatting with Katie. Apparently, Lala is irritated that Ariana didn’t even acknowledge her at the event the night before. That’s because Ariana is the only sane person on this show. Lala thinks it is a “brilliant” idea for Katie and Ariana to open a sandwich shop together. I disagree. Who will make the sandwiches? Are they going to buy a Subway franchise or something? What makes them sandwich experts?
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I keep forgetting that Lala and Randall are still together at this point in filming. Katie and Ariana are going to ask Randall to invest in their shop. I wonder how that will all turn out once Lala and Randall break up. Schwartz apparently wants to be a DJ like James. He doesn’t have any skills at all. This whole scene is ridiculous. Brock has put his surprise marriage to Scheana on hold. Scheana is not the surprise quickie wedding type. Brock and Sandoval go to workout and Sandoval posts a photo with “Friends don’t leave you hanging #NewBesties ” So Schwartz and James post a photo together pretending to be DJing with the caption, “The next real duo.” The emotional immaturity of these people never ceases to amaze me.
Clueless
Lala goes to visit Scheana who immediately passes the baby off to her mother. Apparently, Scheana knew all about the surprise wedding and is still expecting it to happen, like this weekend? As Lala says Scheana seemed to know a lot more about the “surprise wedding” than Brock. Also, they also got a prenup done. So not a surprise at all. Lala talks about her prenup with Randall saying, “What’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine, go away.” They never even got married so it’s all moot at this point.
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The Toms meet with their partner, Greg, and a contractor to try to make some progress on the restaurant. Sandoval seems to have no idea how much things cost. Or how long all the work is going to take. Despite the lack of progress, these two fools decide the best use of their time would be to throw a “progress party.”
Across town, Raquel and James are equally clueless about how to plan an engagement party. Brock has a new idea for the surprise wedding. He’ll propose to Scheana in private, since he already bought the ring. Then, IN THE MIDDLE OF Raquel and James’ engagement party, Brock, Scheana, Ariana and Sandoval will sneak off and have a quickie wedding. Sandoval will officiate, and Ariana will be the witness. Ariana has to point out that this is a dick move. #RecipeForDisaster
Bad Decisions
Ariana and Katie go LVP for advice on their sandwich shop. They want the theme to be “Unapologetically Feminine.” They want to name the shop, “Something About Her.” #HeavySigh Is it me? Am I just in bitch mode because I’m sick? This just seems utterly ridiculous. They are all so clueless!
Brock, who can’t afford child support for his kids, is looking at rings from 8-12 carats? How does that work. Oh it’s pink morganite. It’s $25K, allegedly. That’s a whole lot of beenie weenies for the Aussie kids. Brock has to spread it out over three credit cards. This is giving me palpitations. What is wrong with people?
The UnProgress Party
The Toms get to the location of their bar to set up for the party. Schwartz, begs Sandoval to end their “break.” Sandoval agrees and Schwartz gives him a friendship bracelet. Everyone including LVP and Ken arrive at the worksite. It’s a complete mess. And a safety hazard. Sandoval wants to lower the ceilings, because clueless, and put in an arch. However, he has no idea how much any of that costs. Are we being punked? This can’t be real. LVP and Ken think it would take mid six figures to get this bar in order. How many more mortgages can these fools take out on their homes? Where will Katie and Ariana get the money for their whackadoodle plan? Make it make sense!
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LVP talks to Scheana and Brock about their wedding plans and prenup. Then she tries to get Schwartz to explain why they haven’t done a damn thing to their venue yet. Brock doesn’t understand why Raquel and James are having yet another engagement party. Brock and James get in a screaming match about his plans to quit smoking weed. Even the DVR is over this episode. The sound keeps going in and out during this argument. I don’t understand why James hates Brock so much. James makes poor Raquel leave with him as he storms off.
Next week is Raquel and James second engagement party, and Scheana’s secret wedding to Brock. Yay!
Thank you, TT, for having the cojones to recap this sh!t show for us. Love you.
I am need of a deep dive in your archives – what’s good? I need about 5 days worth of memories.
Find the search box for my site, type in Sheree Whitfield Court, Lisa Vanderpump lawsuits, Jodi Arias trial. I like the court ones. lol.
The Jodi Arias posts are incredibly detailed and informative. I would start with those
OMG! I forgot about the Jody Arias Posts!!! They were/are amazing! I Love court cases, and this one was quite the doozy! That poor guy, I can’t even imagine being a relative or knowing him and having that shizz all over the internet. But Tamara’s coverage was excellent and well worth reading.
The post about how the RHOBH is played is REALLY good after you watch the others. You will see Yolanda in a whole new light! (We already have a clue how LVP works.)
Remember to scroll all the way to the bottom and read up.
Thanks so much! I had forgotten about Jodi Arias, and the Sheree posts NEVER fail to disappoint. Loves and hugs to you, my TALENTED blogger!!!
Great recap. Why did I watch? How do they not know how pathetic this is? They are too old for this shit. I’m too old too watch this shit. It’s embarrassing for them. I’m embarrassed for myself. The depth of Scheana’s delusion is mystifying. The total self absorption of nearly every character is mind numbing. I would never want my partner to spend 25k on a ring when he struggles with child support and investing in his own business. He also seems to be an opportunist in an obvious way. I made excuses for Sandoval for a long time but his lack of business sense is secondary to his grandiose delusions. But at least Schwartz and Sandy’s sounds better than Something About Her for a sandwich shop. WTF. It sounds like a name for a douche, not a hoagie. Also. James is a straight up abusive POS. At this point, how many excuses can people make on his behalf? Frankly, I don’t know why anyone is together on this show. As friends or lovers. I think Katie hates Tom. Schwartz. I think he has some serious pathology where he los compelled to be the little bitch and then he resents her. He’s Tom’s bitch, too but seems to enjoy that more. If I were anyone with a business, this show would make me not want to hire or invest in any of these wackadoos. I honestly think Katie could actually be productive and good at something but she has gotten lackadaisical with ennui. I think her anger at this point is pent up frustration. Scheana needs to dig deep. It’s not all happening. I like Ariana but then I wonder what does she see in these people? I will say I like Ariana and Katie together better than Ariana and Scheana or Katie and Lala or Any Tom and either of them. They should just name their shop Bitches Make ‘Wiches.
I love this comment so much — from the embarrassed for myself to the Bitches Make ‘Witches!!! That is hilarious!!!
@Samaraohara, I’m gonna need you to contact TT about doing these recaps!!! You said it ALL GURL!!!!
“It’s not all happening.” LOFL! 🤣
After all the shit Katie gave the Toms about the name for their bar …
Yours is so much better!
that was a great recap, you have definitely not become lacksadaisical with ennnui!
Bitches Make Witches – GREAT name!
There is a sandwich franchise based in Dallas called Which Wich. Not sure if there are any locations in CA. Another alternative name could be “BitchWich”.
Thanks for the recap
Why don’t all four go in together and make a ‘sandwich bar’
Name it ‘Schwartz and Sandos’ and be done with it.
I’d go somewhere that had great cocktails and fancy sandwiches …. An ice cold glass of Rosè and a steak sandwich 🤤
Ooo – that’s a good idea too. Everyone thought Schwartz and Sandy’s sounded like a deli anyway. I like your name and your concept. Why hit a diner after the bar… have the bar be the diner.
Now that I’m thinking about bar food, I’m picturing Bar Rescue coming in someday. Schwartz will be the one down in the dumps and hoping for a rescue, and Sandoval will be the aggressive one who doesn’t want to make any changes. Just like now!
Exactly … have some amazing drinks (that they are known for, in their own minds) and offer some really delicious food.
Personally if I’m going for drinks I don’t want a big meal while drinking but do crave something a bit messy after … I’m pretty sure I remember him doing a caprese cocktail that sounded interesting.
Hahaha bar rescue … Sandoval takes criticism so well 🤔
First time tuning in and many weeks and it was for yet another vapid party. Sadly I miss the days of Jax and various gf’s fighting. Idea here if Ariana and Katie want a sandwich shop they need to get a food truck. Hell even do a tie in with food truck road race. And sweeties what is a feminine sandwhich?! Hmm I know morganite a durable but a stone that big, yikes. He could have bought a really nice diamond for that price just sayin!
The food truck idea is brilliant … They can park it out front of the boys bar on weekends and serve specialty snacks to go with the cocktail du jour
Maybe a Tuna Melt?
I love Morganite! Kunzite too! JLo’s pink diamond engagement ring from Ben Affleck all,those years ago was the best.
Lol, just not rare roast beef🥴
folded over open face ham? Is that a feminine sandwich. The name sounds like a brand
of lingerie.
I dont know what morganite is, but I guess Shaena is shallow enough to love it. I am currently thinking of last night when I gave my husband a hard time about buying fresh tuna and salmon b/c it was too fancy. It’s OUR money, dammit! I was not sure about Brock when I first saw him, then I liked him, now I think he is an idiot. James seemed pretty tweaked out last night, I think he is doing a bit more than smoking weed.
Could Brock be paying for the ring on camera then Scheana pays the credit card for the ring?
Agree with all the comments expressing frustration with this immature incompetent group. Does any of them actually do anything from day to day? Like work? These so-called businesses are a disaster in waiting, and nothing is being done to move them forward. It must be nice to be able to sit around discussing what a person wants to be when they grow up.
I guess Bravo pays them big bucks so they can sit around contemplating their navels. Unless one of their businesses actually takes off, they are screwed — no pension, no IRAs (I assume from watching). They are too old to play these games.
Brock is a giant mooch. Did I catch that he wanted Randal to pay for his wedding? Randal must be seen as the deep pocket sucker. Why would Randal pay for all these idiots games?
I watched and kept praying Stassi would walk in, say ‘hey bitches’ and grace us with her presence. Sadly that’s not happening.
I heard Lala on a podcast saying they film for a long time and the babies legally can only film for 20 min. Might explain why they have to pump on camera.
I agree with you about the breast pumps, Tamara. It never bothers me to see a mom nursing her baby, but the whole pumping thing annoys me. James is completely out of control and I’m so relieved that Racquel broke up with him before he physically hurt her. Brock was absolutely right in what he said to James at the mess of a progress party. and James flew off the handle. He has such rages, that I’d almost think he was on steroids and not just smoking weed. None of these people should own businesses. They don’t seem to have any real idea what goes into starting & running a business.
Did anyone else catch that the price of the engagement ring (which is beautiful) was $25K but Brock handed the store owner 4 credit cards, said put $4k on three of them and $2K on the other. That doesn’t total $25K. I may have misunderstood him but I rewound it twice and heard the same thing all three times.
I noticed that too. I figured he ( or Scheana) must have been making payments and this was the balance.
That’s a possibility. He sure got offended when Scheana mentioned how much she’s invested in his company.
Terri, that scene was telling imo…
I sure thought so.
Yeah, no with the pumping on camera. And if the baby can’t film but 20 minutes, that still doesn’t explain why they have to pump on camera. I went over to my daughter’s house and she was walking around pumping like it was nothing, of course she was in the privacy of her own house, but it took me aback! I nursed all 3 but was too scared to pump, so I would nurse, leave the kids with the babysitter; run my route (delivering roses etc to C stores) come back and nurse and head out for another 3-4 hours. No pump for me!
This fucking show. WTF? It has gotten so bad that we are actually missing Jax and Stassi! I blame LVP for making them think they can actually run a business. Why not concentrate on TomTom’s? With their find “handcrafted” drinks? And btw, what drinks are Not handcrafted? Ridiculous. I cannot stomach Schwartz, he is worse than Jax, and that’s saying a lot.
Thank you Tamara for watching and recapping this shizz for us, taking one for the team!! I am excited about OC tonight, which tells you all you need to know about my life!
I understand that pumping is necessary. But, especially with Lala it just seemed like she was doing it FOR the cameras. Not because she needed to pump. It didn’t even seem like it was actually doing anything.
I sadly remember a scene where the girls sat in a chair and got laser hair removal on their vaginas. Who wants people to see pubic hair laser removal? No one ever in history. I spent alot of money on a breast pump system. I did it two times and it was an awful experience. It was successful but I did not like it. I hate seeing women pumping breast milk like it doesn’t hurt. It freaking hurt me! I just get mad seeing skinny LA girls pumping vast amounts of breast milk like it is no big deal. I was so bloated and constipated and miserable.
a 10c moissonite stone is only around $3500
It’s Morganite, and you are right. That ring was not over $5K if that much. And he had to put it on three cards?#PRODUCTION
lmao!
If the jeweler gave them a 50% “discount” in exchange for being on two episodes it would be $12,500 plus 7.25% CA sales tax of $906.25, total $13,406.25. He paid $14,000 over the four cards. Interesting.
There is literally no such think as a $25K Morganite. If you google at 12K morganite they are all about $4,000. That is a reasonable ring for him to buy. But pretending like he is paying $25K for a ring is stupid on multiple levels.
I alway pumped in private, watching reality television and usually while eating junk food. I never pumped around anybody besides my husband. I also rarely breastfed in front of people, I wasn’t comfortable with it. Not embarrassed or ashamed, just more modest than these thirsty tramps I guess. They act like they’re the only females ever to provide nourishment to their precious offsprings. Pisses me off more than it should probably lol.
Thanks T for the great re-cap. I had to make a decision to “cut” a Bravo show from my routine schedule. And this one was the “winner”. I will make sure to keep up with what you are posting. And oh yeah….I’m going to dive back in to the Jodi Arias shizzle storm. Those were the days.
At that time I had the most viewers ever and no ads. I wasn’t really planning on making this my job. That was dumb lol. You should go all the way back to the beginning because it was my best work, back when it was just for fun. xo ~tt