Sorry guys, for the past two nights, Banjo and I have been up all night with tornado watches and warnings. See previous “I’ve fallen and can’t get up posts.” Also, Bravo hasn’t been airing jack shit and I kind of got used to not having to work, and lost track of days and well basically I fucked up. Sorry. PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME! But when I wake up in the middle of the night, the first thing I do is get on Twitter. My Tweeps keep me up n everything and all they are talking about right now is this show. It sounds insane. And I am starting to understand, even without watching, why production loves this show. I’ll do a drunken I just woke up and it is almost midnight Porsha’s Family Matters recap in a sec. But, when I woke up to the Hallmark Channel there was a movie with BETTY WHITE!!!! ON. It’s called The Last Valentine.So, I am sure you will understand I need to finish watching that.
This Hallmark Movie with Betty Fucking White is like Terms of Endearment sad. Okay, Okay, I am getting to the recap. Oh God, it just keeps getting sadder. THIS IS NOT HOW HALLMARK MOVIES ARE SUPPOSED TO END! Also, I wish I had paper towels. I forgot to go down the paper products aisle somehow when I finally made it to the Publix. I had the bagger lady who was older than me go back and fight for the last pack of toilet paper. The is NEVER any cottonelle toilet paper. Or paper towels. I forget what I got. She also had to load it all in my car. I feel like I don’t have long to live. I can’t take care of myself anymore. 🙁 OMG It’s a Betty White night on Hallmark. I’m just going to record everything and recap this shit show. You’re welcome.
It’s The Dennis Show!
Okay, I am in the mood for some stupidity tonight. I am gonna do less of recap and more of a drunken reactionary thing tonight. I was up so late drinking my fears of tornados away and am still drunk so having wine. We stat with the star of the show Dennis, and ….yoga? And Porsha is MIA. We already need a Dennis and Lauren show. ERRYONE on Twitter is team Dennis after this episode. And apparently, Porsha looks like shit. I love Dennis.(weird animal sex porn fetish and all ALLEDGEDLY) Porsha doesn’t deserve Porsha.
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I am still waiting for the point where this shit gets interesting. At the moment Porsha is talking with Lauren about her jackass behavior. BTW, Porsha was allegedly with Simon FIVE MONTHS before they got engaged according to Tisa Tells. Also, Tisa may be the most attractive person on the planet. It’s hard for me to watch her and take in what she is saying because she is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good looking. Anyway, so far I don’t give a shit about this show. All we need on this show is Lauren and Dennis.
Let’s Get To The Good Part? Is There a Good Part?
We get a scene with Dennis and Lauren going to a winery or something. The point is that Porsha was not in a scene at her own show. Apparently, they went ATV riding. Ah they are “competing events. Bad idea, all I care about is Dennis and Lauren. Should they hook up? I still haven’t been to his hot dog stand that is pretty close to me. I really want to go. But, the crazy, Le sigh. Banjo seems to be trying to tell me I did not feed him. However, I distinctly remember frying him an egg. OTOH, I could not tell you what day that was. So I fed him again. Anyway, I am bored. Porsha broke a nail on her ATV trip and it required a medic? Chile please.
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Still bored. But apparently something big happens at the end. Sit with me, we’ll wait. Also, are we supposed to know who Storm is? Can someone explain this to me? I am only sticking with this because Porsha goes ape shit at some point. Oh here we go. In literally, the last thirty seconds, Posha throws haymakers at Dennis. It’s clear she still loves him. Okay sorry for the shitty recap off to do RHOLSC and it will be equally shitty, 🙁
A. What the hell was Porsha wearing to go ATV’ing?
B. Storm is Porsha’s cousin and needs to not be on my TV.
C. I love Dennis & Simon. They should have a show together.
D. Porsha is getting worse with age & yes, she’s still in love with Dennis.
E. Idiots in my neighborhood were shooting off fireworks tonight and scared the bejesus out of my dog.
F. Porsha’s anger management classes don’t seem to have worked.
G. Which housewives visited that same Tequila place? I know someone else was there and I want to say it was Bethenny but I’m not sure.
Would you be interested in recapping this mess for me? Sorry it is not a paid gig, but HELP? And it has to be quick so no time for edits. You in?
Actually, your ABCDs can be the whole recap. You are awesome.
Ikr this is great Terri good job. I hate Storm I know it’s harsh but it’s my opinion. This TRICK wants to be Porsha as Dennis stated. Plus I think she wants Dennis for herself. That’s why she is so angry and combative with him all the time.
I think Porsha is developmentally disabled.
OBVI
Porsha’s cousin Storm went on her IG tonight and accused Dennis of assault and sexual harassment. She posted pictures also.
Did Storm file a criminal complaint against Dennis?
Team Porsha’s crew is now coming for Dennis on social media. She is not liking the good reviews on him and crap comments on her. This will not end well for Porsha if she tries to start a social media war. People with large account always feel powerful but rarely realize how those large account can work against them. Say the wrong thing and someone will come for you, either through a vicious comment or reporting you to the authorities or the social media police. Social media sites are brutal and full of angry, petty people. Come for them in your comments and you will give them a joyful day of having someone to target. Creepy Storm is now accusing Dennis of a felony on social media. She is playing with fucking fire and she will get burned.
Dennis seems so – nice? And Lauren is head and shoulders above Porsha. I agree that a Dennis & Lauren show would be much more enjoyable than this load of shite. Really stoopid.
Cousin Storm called Dennis a pedophile. She better have some evidence. Not a good thing to accuse the father of Porsha’s baby of pedophilia if it isn’t true.
Bravo (and Porsha) need to realize a little ratchet goes a long way. Next week’s episode looks full-blown Jerry Springer. I’m clearly still watching, so I can’t get too judgey — I just think this whole show is not doing Porsha any favors…like at all.
And now Storm is accusing Dennis of physical abuse and sexual harassment?
Everyone’s reputations are getting dragged through the mud. I hope it was worth the $$$
Porsha has worn me out, and this show has done her NO favors. I don’t know how Lauren worked as her personal assistant. Must be love cuz a paycheck can’t be enough to deal with Porsha on a daily basis. And there are far too many people on this show for me to focus on.
The show starts with Dennis, Lauren, Dom (Porsha’s former assistant and Lauren the sisters friend), and Lauren (Porsha’s current assistant) going to yoga. Dom falls asleep. It was an hour long session. Dennis is always sweating, like always. I know it is Mexico in the summer but still. After they have the obligatory sit down at table scene. Dennis makes the point that Porsha should have been present. The purpose of the trip is a spiritual retreat to bring her family together and learn coping skills. She should be there to learn the coping skills (In reality we know this was just the obligatory group trip for drama). At some point Porsha’s sister gets up for some reason. Then Dennis tells Dom he did not like that Dom told Porsha Dennis was talking to another woman. Dennis also claims he never slept with whoever this was. Dom says he told Porsha’s sister and she was the one who told Porsha. Dennis also brings up that at breakfast yesterday with Simon. Simon said he has a professional moving crew ready to move women out of his house and make sure not one fabric is left (or something to that effect). Dennis tells the other two that was a weird thing to say. Conveniently as Dennis is saying that Lauren walks back but doesn’t seem to hear the discussion.
Porsha and her sister talk. Porsha says something about trauma in her past. Her mom never came inside of her father and stepmothers home. That hurt her. I think Porsha said something about God leading her or using God as excuse for something. She didn’t really take accountability for not being present or doing her best to get the most out of the spiritual retreat.
Dennis, Dom, Lauren (the assistant), and Londie went to a tequila tasting, They all had fun. Dom apologized to Dennis and they seemed fine. Dennis said that he never made any moves on Storm. He knew Storm before he knew Porsha. He also said Storm and Porsha are not close he is confused how they are sticking up for each other all of a sudden. Their scene was really funny. It is also revealed that Londie used to be Dennis’s assistant. However Dennis fired her without explanation. Dennis said that Porsha told him not her work for him. It seems like Londie did not know this and maybe upset.
Storm is Porsha’s cousin. Her mom is Darlene, who is sisters with Porsha’s mom Diane. They look alike. Darlene and Storm do not get along because Darlene was absent at time as Storm was growing up. Storm was a teenager at the time but was featured at least once during season 5. It may have been more than once but thats all I can remember.
Porsha, Simon, Storm, and I think Lauren (Porsha’s sister) go ATV riding (I honestly do not remember if Lauren went to the tequila sampling or ATV riding). Porsha broke her nail. I did she the blood but I know nothing about how those super long nails work, so I can’t tell if there was actual damage.
Gina and Porsha’s great aunt or whoever the lady with the gray hair is went to the spa. Gina says she felt she was never super close to family so it is hard to connect now (Probably because Simon and Porsha didn’t date that long before she got pregnant).
They all go to dinner (Oh boy here were go. I feel like production is going to try to make the last dinner peaceful because all of them have been a shit show so far. They will probably try to label it as a dinner of coming together and prayer). When they recap everyones activities for the day it comes out the Dom told Dennis he told Lauren about the cheating. They start talking about the bartender that worked at Dennis’s club that he dated. Gina says the issue is petty. Porsha throws shade at Gina. Everyone starts throwing in their two cents. Dennis tells Dom they could fight. Storm says something about Dennis. Dennis tells Storm to shut the fuck up. Porsha calls security on Dennis because she doesn’t think Dennis should curse at Storm. Porsha gets up and goes behind one of the cameras to production or security or whoever and yells “him and his sluts and his mother need to go.” Dennis gets up to leave. He keeps telling his mom to be quiet and leave with him. Dennis is arguing with Storms mom saying that she is a kid and its no point arguing with her. Porsha keeps yelling for Dennis to go. Gina tells Porsha not to yell at Dennis. Things continue to break down as Storm, Porsha, and Dennis all argue. Simon tries to tell Dennis leave but at this point security is between Porsha and Dennis. It looks like Gina slipped to the side of security, close to Porsha. Dennis tries to grab Gina. Then Porsha turns up and swings at Dennis so he tries to hit her back. Everyone jumps in.
I looked back at the show for the final dinner scene. It was hard to tell what happened play by play because they always play with the angles, plus one of the cameras tips up which cuts the view of where Gina was.
I do not know that Porsha getting into a physical altercation with her child’s father and grandmother is great tv like the suits thought but this episode was better than the other 4. I wish they wouldn’t switch angles like that. It makes it difficult to under what really happens but we will know next week.
Great recap. Ty
I guess no recap cause Porsha really made a fool of herself this week. No way to spin this ay?