Oh Joy! Another Porsha’s Family Matters recap. Is this when we finally uncover the reason that the Bravo Suits are so impressed with this show? Because I am not seeing it. And, I’m not exactly an optimist these days. Last week’s show had 631,000 actual live viewers. This doesn’t include DVR. It’s probably enough to get another season. UGH. The Bravo Suits clearly have no plans for fresh new shows.
We begin back at the screaming match over the robe. Really? This is ridiculous five seconds in. Lauren is the top person screaming. The whacka doodle “spiritual advisor” tries to stop the chaos by making only one person speak at a time. And has a cigar? I dunno, something to pass around. The nonsense is about the fucking robe again. But, Porsha’s aunt Darlene goes first. She starts talking about her intention for this trip is to accept that her feet are beautiful. Yes, you read this right. Dennis immediately checks out her feet. He says they are fine. This foot thing goes on forever.
This Family Is Broken
The next woman who speaks says that Dom and Lauren, Porsha’s assistants are not her family and she doesn’t know why they are there. When I was in college, I lived in an apartment complex that was mostly students. We were all kind of friends on our wing. It was an eclectic group. The guy in the apartment next to me was a frat boy who did acid all day while watching preachers. It was something about the hand movements. He invited me to go to the Red Neck Riviera once for Spring Break. So I went. There I tried like a quarter of a hit of acid and we watched TV. I could not believe it was really TV. It all seemed so weird. That is how I feel right now. People storm off left and right.
Next, Dennis decides he needs his own room. So, Lauren the assistant is kicked out of her room. Dennis is flying in a side piece to be with him on the trip. Because, of course. Simon wants to have a conversation with Dennis. He wants to have a good co-parenting relationship. We are talking about the robe again. Why can’t Simon buy Porsha a fucking Versace robe? Simon is not a fan of Mama Gina.
Oh I Know, Let’s Go Swim In A Bottomless Hole!
The next morning Simon and Dennis go to breakfast. Simon and Dennis agree that Mama Gina needs to stay out of it. They seem to really like each other. Then Dennis asks him for ….wait for it… THE FUCKING ROBE. Then, Dennis tells Simon that he has a date flying down. He wants him to break the news to Porsha. Good Lord, please let me move on to RHOSLC soon. This is a ridiculous show with way to many people on it. Erica, Dennis’s date arrives. Has anyone ever been to Puerto Morales? I’ve never even heard of it.
Jesus take the wheel. It’s another talking stick moment. I do not need to watch people cry over nonsense. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever watched. And, I watched a lot of dumb shows. I do like Porsha’s Aunt, Lizzie I think. But all of this crying is not helpful today. The problem with this show is no one knows who anyone is. Or their back stories. It’s just a complete shit show. Eventually, they all jump into the cenote. On to dinner. Dennis did not show up because his side piece arrived. Porsha gets the news. She’s pissed at Mama Gina? Why? Lena is leaving as spiritual advisor, but another one is coming in. Oh Joy. More drama where I don’t know who these people are.
Finally, it is over.