I almost deleted tonight’s show from my DVR. Not because we don’t seem to care very much about this show, and we don’t. But, Bravo insists on naming it RHOA so it will record. I’ve never seen a spin-off named that way. It does seem to be helping a bit though with the ratings. I still can’t believe that the Bravo Suits, and MY SOURCE were very pleased with this season. But the ratings seem high enough for a second season. Lord knows, Kim Biermann’s show was kept on forever. I have to admit I liked Kim’s show. It was unintentionally hilarious. Apologies for the lack of relevant photos. I’m having an issue with pulling and have too many other things going on right now to fuck with it. But I thought y’all would appreciate this Mama Gina goes all housewives photo. Now, on with the Porsha’s Family Matters recap.
We start with Lauren, one of the real stars of this show. The other one is Dennis. Who of thunk it? LOL. Porsha and Lauren’s cousin Londie comes to visit Lauren. They talk about how everyone was praising Dennis at the reunion. I can’t keep these people straight in my head. It’s like the first episode of Project Runway or Survivor, but it doesn’t get easier from week to week because nobody gets voted off. Basically, this ridiculously fast engagement has both families struggling to understand it.
There seems to be a consensus that Dennis is hurt and more of the family members like him than Simon. We also learn about the title of this episode. Denise still has a Versace robe and a couple of other items that he wants returned to him. Lauren and Londie plan to find them and use the return of them to get him to agree on the trip. Come on, we all know Dennis is not going to give up any camera time.
Porsha’s sister Lauren and cousin Londie involve Lauren W., Porsha’s assistant in their plan to steal two Versace robes and some designer jumpsuit that belongs to Dennis from the house. This feels VERY produced. Londie forgot to wear pants to this caper. This will literally be the storyline for this episode. UGH.
Breakfast Of Losers
Did Porsha just tell her mama that she wants Dennis to get to know Simon so they could all co-parent? I thought Porsha’s original story was that she met Simon through Dennis!??? Porsha’s mama doesn’t care for Mama Gina. Why is Porsha wearing gloves to cook a “Nigerian breakfast”? Simon comes down for breakfast. Again it is way over produced. Lauren and Londie go to Dennis’s hookah bar to return his stuff and “convince him” to go on the trip we all know he is going on. I’m bored.
Next we get a lot of the usual ridiculous packing for the trip. I find it hard to believe these people travel in their real lives and take eleventy billion pieces of luggage. I generally don’t even check anything. Then again, I’ve been in my reindeer pants for at least a week now. What? Where I am going? No where. We move on to Mama Gina telling Simon that Mama Dianne told her that Porsha cheated on Dennis. Mama Diane denies it. I see where Porsha gets her lying genes from. Porsha was recently claiming her book was sold out in LA. But the book had not even been released yet.
Just Kill Me Now
We are going to be fighting over this robe for the entire hour. Just give the man his clothes. Porsha is bringing a male “assistant” named Dom on a family vacation. Because her entire family is not enough support? Porsha’s mother said she is too sick to come. Mayan dancers meet them at the hotel and try to cleanse them. There is not enough smoke in the world. Dennis is pissed that he is in a three bedroom suite with Lauren and Londie. Lauren’s suite is amazing. Dennis calls his ho of the week who is apparently coming down the next day. That’s sure to cause issues with Lauren. Why? Because apparently that is what the script says.
Also, I was not paying attention to how they got there, but my source claims that Simon paid for a lot of private jets this season. Mexico looks beautiful. I’ve only been to Acapulco with my parents. We were always on a budget. Daddy never wanted to go. Mama was upset by all the kids who were alone and homeless and had one in particular she wanted to take home. I met a little local girl on the beach who I exposed to my Cosmo magazine and probably damaged her for life. I used to eat fried fish on the beach everyday. It was on this trip that I learned I do not care for most authentic Mexican food.
Anyway, they do this bullshit meditation thing. The robe situation comes up and it is utterly ridiculous. How the hell is this show getting higher ratings than RHOSLC? HOW?