Okay, before you even begin to read the RHOSLC recap I need you to click this link to the latest open forum. You can skip over all the usual blatherings and go straight to the YouTube. The Uber driver who picked up Jen Shah from Heather’s house has spilled all the tea on where Jen really went. Plus find out which castmate Jen Shah refers to as AARP! LOL. It’s a juicy seven minutes. Did you watch it yet? Oh also, ICYMI adtleft did a great recap of the Hulu Documentary on Jen Shah. Also, read here to see Jen Shah’s ridiculous response to the Hulu documentary. It’s been busy week for RHOSLC tea! Okay, let’s get on with the show!
There’s Something About Mary
We pick back up this episode with all the women except for Mary who stormed off to bed sitting outside in the freezing cold in their Swiss Miss looks. Lisa has just blurted out that Cameron (RIP, he mysteriously died two months are he filmed) mortgaging his house and giving Mary $300,000. We get a flashback with Lisa talking to Cameron. Remember when I told you that Mary and Grandpa left Salt Lake and stayed in NYC for months on end? While they were there, they informed their congregation that Mary needed all manner of surgeries and she was going to die if they didn’t send hundreds of thousands of dollars to them. That was why Cameron mortgaged his house.
But, in actuality, Mary was getting a shit ton of cosmetic surgery, a whole new face, full body bleaching, and Lord only knows what else. She returned to the congregation with no explanation about the transformation. Mary and Grandpa need to be UNDER the jail house. Meredith refuses to believe the information about Mary. Lisa storms off to bed. Oh wait, she actually goes to Mary’s room and somehow makes it look like it wasn’t her that was exposing her fleecing of the flock. She says “they” are all down there talking about you! Lisa is some sort of sociopath. Mary says everyone is lying. In a flashback Jen says that someone committed suicide over Mary’s torture. I feel like Cameron probably died that way as well. This is awful. Lisa is awful. Mary is awful. Jen is awful. These people are batshit crazy.
Mary Succeeds In Buying Allies
The next morning, Mary needs allies. So she gives Jennie Louboutin shoes for doing her makeup the night before. Apparently, they wear the same size shoe. Whitney is pissed because last night after she thought everyone was in bed, she could hear Lisa and Heather in the other room, laughing. She determined that Mary had given them each a very nice Louboutin gift of some sort. At least Whitney knows Mary is trying to buy everyone off. Mary is trying to blame Whitney for everything. Whitney knows what a snake Lisa is. Heather meets with her psuedo-estranged sister and her husband. I’m not interested in this storyline.
Later, the ladies (use the term loosely) are packing to go home. Lisa tells the women a lot of lies about what happened with her and Mary the night before. She makes it sounds like she interrogated Mary and Mary passed with flying colors. Every word out of Lisa’s mouth is a lie. It seems like now Meredith feels bad for Mary. UGH. Come on Meredith! Also as someone with naturally kinky, curly hair, I covet Meredith stick straight bob.
Whitney Is Too Good For This Show
All the women sit down for open conversation. Wow, that pair of red bottoms really did the trick for Jennie. She’s in the cult all the way. Meredith is also backtracking. She apologizes to Mary and to Whitney for telling he what Cameron said. WTF is wrong with these women! It’s ALL OVER THE INTERNET! Click the link to see how I broke it all down. It was all out there before season one even aired! Does Utah not have the Interwebs? Whitney is now blaming Cameron. And also says that Lisa is the one who invited Cameron. Whitney is the only one with a fully function brain on this whole cast. Lisa’s lies and misdirection are not lost on her.
Lisa denies involvement, of course, and Mary picks on what she thinks is the weakest link, but also the only one speaking truth at the moment, and comes for Whitney. Heather, bravely stands up to Mary and defends Whitney. Whitney calls out Lisa’s duplicity and it is awesome. Lisa can’t handle the truth. So, she goes off on Whitney. Mary gets mad a Heather for saying that Mary gave her a gift as well as Lisa and Jennie. Apparently Heather and Lisa got Louboutin handbags. Heather says that Mary said something like “You’re done with Whitney now, right?” I may have misheard that I rewound three times and that is what it sounded like.
The Free For All Rages On
Heather also points out that Lisa was shit talking Mary all night. Then, later she comes in the room with Mary like she is her best friend because she got a Louboutin bag from Mary’s poor congregation. I would have politely declined that gift. It would not even have been hard. I would feel like a target for mugging if I took that anywhere. Someone who was upgrading there handbag game once gave me their previous Louis Vuitton bag. I took it to the local beer store in the hood once and as I was getting out of my car, a boy about 7 years old exclaimed “WOW SHE HAS A GUCCI BAG!” LOL.
Whitney asks everyone about their gifts. Jennie got the best present with the boots. Lisa got a clutch (the most expensive). Meredith got a hat. All Louboutin. Oh wait! Heather got a six thousand dollar handbag. She really is trying to recruit Heather. Heather has had enough. She calls everyone out for not confronting Mary like they said they were going to do. She says they are all scared of Mary. Whitney leaves to find Heather. Lisa once again blames Heather and Whitney for all the drama. Heather is crying in her room because she doesn’t want to fly home on the plane with Mary. They both just want to get there shit and get out of there.
Jennie of the red bottoms boots FINALLY says that EVERYONE was talking badly about Mary and her church. THERE! Now someone else said it! Mary starts some fake crying bullshit and tries to deliver a sermon or some shit. She’s disgusting. I can’t wait until she is arrested and all the fake bitches will distance themselves. She says she was born in money. Mary cries and Lisa goes after her. I’m so glad that Cameron doesn’t have to see Lisa’s bullshit. Mary mumbles, I want my purse back LOL.
That was a FANTASTIC EPISODE. I am all in on RHOSLC. Best franchise on the air. We didn’t even need Jen Shah, Felon By Bravo.