Y’all are really gonna make me come of my Christmas Movie stupor for this Porsha’s Family Matters Recap? Once again, Bravo is messing with our DVRs and calling these episodes Real Housewives of Atlanta so it automatically tapes. This sort of deception should be illegal. It’s almost as bad as tacking WWHL episodes to the end of everything forcing the recording to take up two time slots. I am back in Cranky McCrackypants mode before we even begin.
Maybe Porsha Wants Two Husbands?
Lauren meets with Porsha and tells her that she told Dennis he could bring a date to the cookout the next day. Porsha had told him he could not. Porsha is pissed. She clearly still has a foot still in her relationship with Dennis. Lauren cries about her boyfriend, Nate. He seems like a dick. I am shocked at how much Dennis and his mother appear on this show. Dennis and his mom take Pilar to the toy store. Pilar is screaming for “mommy” and and Porsha is not even there. This whole scene is unnecessary. They leave with $500 worth of toys.
Simon meets a lot of Porsha’s family for the first time. Lauren gives Porsha an appointment with her spiritual healer. Is that Lauren in three different wigs in her confessionals? Y’all know a hair change makes me unable to tell who anyone is. Are we supposed to remember who all of these people are? Are they all going on the trip? This is way too many people. While Simon is trying to explain that he “rescued” all of his wives, Dennis walks in with Pilar and his mama. Not his mama! I’m bored. The Grandmas are all crying happy tears because Dennis and Simon are friends at all support Pilar.
This Is Like Watching Paint Dry
I can’t believe this is what Bravo thought was so good they kept extending the number of episodes. Porsha has a dinner date with Dennis. I am not making this up. They go to the Brazilian restaurant that walks around with giant slabs of meats. The argue about when they broke up. Porsha says that he was supposed to give her the engagement ring back on Christmas and he didn’t. Dennis also cheated on her. Dennis says that he still loves Porsha and she still loves him. They both leave pissed. Porsha is a terrible driver. She talks with her hands. And she doesn’t seem to know how to wear a seat belt.
Lauren takes Porsha to see a spiritual healer. Random female family members also arrive. I have no words to describe this scene, sorry. Porsha is conflicted about whether to allow Mama Gina, Dennis’s mother to come on the trip. Later, Porsha meets with her and they talk about the family dynamics. Mama Gina doesn’t want to admit that Dennis is “playboy” which is apparently code for a dude who can’t keep his dick in his pants. Mama Gina says that Porsha cheated on Dennis as well. She claims Porsha’s mother told her about it. Porsha denies it. In the end, Mama Gina is coming on the trip. Apparently, Dennis is too. From the previews, things don’t go well.