Oh Yay! It’s time for another RHOP recap. We should be done with this by now but apparently, Bravo finds these reunion shows fascinating. It seems the ladies will be fighting over all the rumors spread by the worst blog in the world. And they are going to name it on air. For the record, we do not mention that blog on this site. They repeatedly try to sabotage other sites, allegedly get paid by the biggest assholes on reality tv to plant false information cough think sweaty whores in church* etc. So, let just ignore all of that nonsense in comments. Hell, I’ll probably ignore this episode. Let’s just get to Nikki Minaj and her reading all the ladies.
The second this show starts, Banjo somehow knows it is the worst time to need to go outside. It happens every night. Sometimes and eight and sometimes at nine. I am sort of team Wendy on this whole plastic surgery thing. Gizelle also has a bunch of plastic surgery. Pot. Kettle. Wendy says she is pissed at showing the rumor in January and not sticking up for her. Robin agrees that she texted her in January and wonders why it was suddenly a new topic in March. She didn’t know that was the “new rumour” that she was pissed about. So, wThehy are they letting a crap site that is all about click bait take this much time on this reunion. Everyone agrees it was made up bullshit by an incredible source. They also apparently said horrible lies about Gizelle.
Next, Wendy has even more receipts including her phone numbers to prove that Gizelle is lying. Andy just wants to close this out and asks if anyone has any fucks to give to this non story. Ashley apologizes to Wendy feeling like she was being shamed for “embracing who she is” and “embracing her femininity.” I feel like feeling the need to constantly get surgery to make yourself look like you are still 25, is not embracing who you are and has nothing to do with femininity. So, I’m fine with my saggy boobs and beer gut. I’ve been on this earth long enough to know myself and be comfortable with all the stages of my life from skinny bitch to old lady. And never felt the need alter my body to be acceptable to society.
Robin Talks About Depression
Next, we move on to Robin’s depression. This is something that has infuriated me this entire season. The treatment of Robin whether you like her or not has been abysmal. Especially, by her husband Juan who seems to be checked out. I remember what it was like not to suffer from depression and even the best of intentioned people tell you to “go for a walk” or other ridiculous suggestions akin to telling someone with two broken arms to take up macrame. Robin is still sort of in the denial stage about it being depression. I also get this. We don’t have anything to be depressed about! Nothing is wrong. It’s a mental thing. If it doesn’t happen to YOU, and I hope it doesn’t. You will NEVER GET that there is no external reason. It’s not about being sad. Robin makes more excuses for not getting married.
So, I’m bored. At the potty break, Andy goes to meet with Nikki Minaj. Everyone is over it and ready to go home. Nikki talks about all the reads she has. So, Andy is ecstatic that she is going to read everyone. Because, he is so messy. And well so am I bring her ass out. WAIT WHUT? How is Porsha’s spinoff starting next Sunday at nine? We have another episode of this bullshit and RHOSLC? Are they moving RHOSLC? What’s the plan?
The Husbands Arrive
Next, the husbands all arrive in seemingly good spirits and greet Andy kindly. I guess they know what side their bread is buttered on. Juan is not there. Michael is also not there because he “gets sick” for every reunion. I don’t blame him. I’m not like a Michael groupie but I also don’t think he is as awful as most of you do. I think Juan just doesn’t want to upset his girlfriend. Then, Candiace’s bitch mom conveniently calls call Candiace who is supposed to have her phone of at this exact moment. #Production Andy interviews her by phone. IDGAS about this woman.
Again, I am bored. I am not sure why Ashley is on the skewer for Mia’s husband’s behavior. (Banjo demands his peanut butter snack aka prednisone.) Mia’s husband apologizes for his behavior. Robin defends Juan not showing up to couple’s events because he is a basketball coach. Brown Dick Chris says he is not a husbandger because Candiace. He is just helping his wife out with things to further her career. Chris says he loves his mother inl-aw (giggles ensue) But he has never quit a job in his life, (so he got fired from them all? There are only two ways jobs to leave and in my life time most are because I quit but sometimes got fired first, lol. (especially waitressing) or my contract ran out and the government money was shut off ( because I am a reading specialist). I think EVERYONE has quit a job.
Oh Jesus take the wheel. I don’t even know what is happening with Mia and her husband and Candiace. I have not clue. Let’s move on. Explain it to me in comments. I really don’t care.
PLEASE GOD LET THIS END!!!
Chris points out he has paid for everything in the marriage. Michael and Juan not wearing wedding rings comes up. Michael has a knot on his finger or something. Juan is an athlete who can’t wear it lol. So the husbands come out an the BIG REVEAL happens. It’s Nikki Minaj! And the crowd goes wild. She sits in Andy’s chair with tequila and here we go… Nikki says not to take offense. Nikki comes for Ashley first. And so it begins…