Surprise! Peacock decided to drop another RHUGT episode early, so we’re racing back to the TV for another RHUGT Recap of Episode Four! Last time we checked in on our vacationing Housewives, they were enjoying another wild night in Turks and Caicos. Today, we’re gearing up for another epic game night.
We Start Out All Lovey-Dovey
As has been the case for RHUGT thus far, Episode 4 came in hot with Luann (still) having the hots for Michael the house manager. Of course, she loves to flirt. Of course, she loves to speak French with someone. And of course, she brushes aside the whole matter of Michael being married. Next up: Ramona and Teresa. Teresa decided to play nice and open up to Ramona on Luis writing her “love letters”. Ramona responded, “I love it. It’s so special.” Why am I not surprised that Ramona wouldn’t be creeped out by whatever the hell Luis was doing with Teresa? And why am I not surprised that Teresa picked another creepster to fool around with?
We know how important breakfast is for Luann. We also know how important Luann’s male lovers are to RHONY. This episode, Luann also got to gush over her new “latin lover”. I guess she made a wise move to talk here, since RHONY is “on pause” again. (#ThanksRamona) From there, the Housewives began to talk about a different sort of love lost. Kyle tried to sidestep the whole matter of (former?) bestie Erika Jayne. Teresa unloaded on Jacqueline Laurita and her “low blows” of unloading Teresa’s legal dirty laundry. Cynthia responded, “I just don’t enjoy talking about it,” when asked about Nene Leakes. “I will always have love and respect for her, but I will not be friends with her,” Cynthia added. Or to quote Nene herself, “I said what I said!”
Here’s where the episode gets more interesting: They broke the fourth wall. Kyle begun: “The biggest problem with these friendships in reality television is that some of these women care more about what the audience think than what their friends think.” I’m not sure whether this is Kyle being perfectly candid or Kyle trying to excuse her own coddling of Erika’s gaslighting during RHOBH Season 11, but at least there’s some truth to what Kyle’s saying. Teresa then added, “It can put pressure on you, but only if you allow it to put pressure on you.”
In another luridly lucid moment, Teresa actually seemed to accept the brutal reality behind the fucked up relationship dynamics on RHONJ: “If a relationship goes sour, it’s not the show’s fault. It ends up exposing people who are not really there for you.” But oh wait, Melissa just entered the chat, and Teresa complained some more about what Jacqueline and Caroline Manzo said about her during the early seasons.
Her Agenda Was To Put The Spotlight On Her
I must give Theresa credit here. She’s been quite deft in tossing the hot potatoes over to the other Housewives on the trip. Case in point: how Teresa tossed the matter of “legal issues” back onto Kyle regarding the many, many, many scandals and lies of Ms. Erika Jayne. Kyle again made it clear that she’s still not reading the Los Angeles Times, and that she’s perfectly content leaving the “Fancy Drew” detective work to Sutton Stracke and Garcelle Beauvais.
From there, we get clips from RHONY Season 8 and all the madness surrounding Tom D’Agostino, Luann’s ill-fated marriage to the Palm Beach playboy, and the ongoing debate on whether or not Bethenny Frankel was being a “good friend” or a good shit-stirring tool for the producers. Luann made it clear where she stands in this debate: “She claims to be my friend. She’s no friend.” Luann continued, “Her agenda was to put the spotlight on her. It was always more about her than it was about me.” She then made it clear that Bethenny should not have done all of that on camera, even though this tends to be par for the course for all the Bravo shows.
Heavy Is the Head That Wears The Crown
This episode, it’s Melissa’s turn to curate the schedule for all the ladies. It’s also the episode when Cynthia decided to form a new alliance of her own. Still fuming from Kenya’s decision to score more camera time with the rest of the cast, Cynthia hopped in the van with Ramona and Luann. Meanwhile in the other van, Kenya grouped up with Teresa, Melissa, and Kyle. Kyle actually called Kenya “lovely”, and she interestingly agreed with Kenya’s hypothesis that other RHOA cast members are “out to make you look bad”. Kenya then commiserated with Kyle on Lisa Vanderpump’s ongoing attempts to reclaim the RHOBH crown she relinquished back in Season 9.
For this day’s big outing, the housewives went go-kart racing. Of course, Kenya actually wanted to race. And of course, Ramona and Kyle complained about it. They all retreated to a beachside restaurant after the race. Ramona immediately sparked another feud with Kenya by shouting to the waiter while Kenya was trying to order. If this is Ramona’s attempt to rebrand herself in order to save her spot on RHONY, I don’t see how this is helping her case one bit.
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
In a RHUGT twist on the RHONY “rose and thorn” staple, Luann asked the other Housewives to name “the good, the bad, and the ugly” about being Real Housewives. Kyle got to start. She insisted that her relationship with Mauricio remains stronger than ever, and she attributed “The Housewives Curse” (of divorce) to cast members coming on the show with “not the strongest relationships”. Melissa proceeded to complain about the Twitter and Instagram shitposting on her relationship with Joe Gorga, and Teresa finally seemed to be at peace with her decision to sign up for RHONJ.
Ramona got the question about the kids. She insinuated that Avery got jealous over Ramona’s sudden RHONY fame. According to Ramona, Avery exclaimed, “I’m supposed to be famous now, not you! Can’t you just be a mom like everyone else?” Kenya got the social media question. Kenya (again) insisted that she never once paid Walter Jackson to appear as her boyfriend during RHOA Season 5, and she (again) lashed out at Phaedra Parks for starting that rumor.
It’s About Keeping Your Sanity
Luann got the question on what’s the worst part of the show. For Luann, “It’s keeping your sanity.” Luann unloaded on former RHONY cast members (cough – Carole Radziwill – cough) who continue to try to “take her down”, former romantic partners (cough – It’s still about Tom! – cough) who continue to try to embarrass her, and on the other “haters” out there. According to Luann, “No motherfucker can tell you you’re not [good enough]!” At least she ended her speech on a positive note.
Back at the Triton Villa, the Housewives got ready for dinner… After Ramona got naked on camera (again). Melissa then did the rounds to bear Envy-branded gifts: new pajamas for the evening’s slumber party! Hey, at least they didn’t consist of LuLaRoe-esque leggings with Housewives’ faces all over them. I can hardly wait for the RHUGT season when Shannon Storms Beador joins the cast and plans some #TresAmigas style bonding rituals!
The Games People Play…
Anyway, back to this season of RHUGT. Melissa and Teresa played nice downstairs, only for Ramona to bolt down and begin her mating ritual dance. Meanwhile upstairs, Kyle rushed to comfort Kenya after Marc Daly attacked her (again) via text message. Cynthia eventually made it to Kenya’s suite. Cynthia thought her visit amounted to an olive branch, but Kenya fumed over Cynthia walking in with a camera crew in tow.
Finally, it’s game time. Michael kicked it off by having the Housewives play drunken Twister with shots. As expected, it was messy as hell. Then, Michael invited the ladies to take shots from his mouth. You know Luann was first to volunteer as tribute: “I told you I like to play games!” Next up: some game involving trying to figure out what the hell they were saying while wearing extra large mouthguards. What could possibly go wrong here? If you guessed, “Ramona would pee her pants,” then congratulations – you’re correct! It then turned contagious when Kyle peed her pants.
It’s Time For Prosecco Pop!
It’s a combination of beer pong and truth or dare. Ramona spilled the tea on the cannoli cream (that she used on Mario). Cynthia admitted that Lenny Kravitz is her celebrity crush. Kyle admitted that she enjoyed some sexy times with Mauricio at a black tie dinner – “at the table”! Then, during “Housewives After Dark”, Kyle facetimed Mauricio to unload some more on the “black tie dinner” sex. Yep, he confirmed that happened. And just like that, Episode 4 came to a close. Thanks for watching another surprise RHUGT episode drop with us! Apparently in Episode 5, we get another yacht ride… And this yacht ride hits even choppier waters than the last one. Until Peacock decides to drop yet another surprise episode on our laps, let’s just sit back and enjoy the weekend.