As episode two concluded, Cynthia and Kenya traded barbs with each other in their respective confessionals that laid some more groundwork for the drama ahead. As the third episode began, we are greeted by horses on the beach. Kyle proceeded to complain some more about the Bailey-cue’s shade game, and more specifically the comments on the ladies’ looks. Back to Cynthia, she complained to Luann about Kenya and Kyle complaining during the dinner. She especially had it out for Kenya, as she showed up late to eat early and encourage Kyle’s whining.
At breakfast, Kyle apologized to Cynthia. Though Cynthia appeared to cut Kyle some slack while speaking with Luann, she was in a less forgiving mood once Kyle herself showed up. Eventually, Kenya came down and explained herself. She had just undergone a virtual court hearing where anyone could watch and comment on everything that was happening. Kenya was pissed at the trolls invading her privacy, yet Cynthia was still pissed at Kenya for trolling her Bailey-cue. As much as I understand Cynthia’s rage, it’s hard not to sympathize with Kenya over the raging shitshorm that she’s still enduring.
Who’s ready for Bolo-gate Pineapple Express?
Why, Luann? Why must you ask about the male stripper who defined the entire second half of RHOA Season 13 and most of the reunion? Apparently while most of us eventually lost our marbles over Bolo-gate, Luann wanted more! She piningly described a video “someone sent her” of Bolo allegedly making a cantaloupe explode with his sexual superpowers. “Now, I’m really horny. Thank you, Luann!” Of course, Teresa was also turned on. With Bolo’s melons and Teresa’s pineapples, they can make quite the fruit salad together. Now please excuse me while I lose my lunch over that last thought.
As they prepared for the beach volleyball tournament, Kenya unloaded to Kyle and Melissa about Cynthia’s frosty demeanor. They subsequently got a load of Ramona’s enhanced breasts, because Ramona. As some of the other ladies prepared to actually play volleyball, Ramona was far more interested in playing the field with John the Conch Shack owner and his hot male friends. To no one’s surprise, Luann and Kenya tried to play the game while Ramona “played the game”.
Finally, the Kenya v. Cynthia showdown we’ve been waiting for!
Following the volleyball game, Cynthia directed Kenya to walk the beach with her to address her “so nasty and so rude” behavior at the Bailey-cue. Cynthia unloaded on Kenya showing up late and adding to the circus of complaints at the dinner table. Kenya tried to plead her case that she’s no Ramona. Cynthia’s response? “Ramona’s not my friend. You’re my friend.” Cue to confessions, where Kenya suggested that Cynthia was jealous that Kenya was actually getting along with most of the RHUGT cast while Cynthia was gradually being sidelined. At the same time, the producers were basically signaling that Cynthia’s time as an Atlanta Housewife was running out as they contrasted Kenya merrily getting into the mix in Turks and Caicos while Cynthia attempted to stay above the fray.
On RHONY, Ramona mastered the art of contradicting herself with her holier-than-thou thottiness. On RHUGT, no one was buying her “we’re just friends” quip when they asked her about John the Conch Shack owner. Kenya basically summed up Ramona’s latest nonsense like this: “That is an act. Acting class is down the hall. It isn’t here.” Of course, Ramona fired back by mocking Kenya’s ill-fated marriage to Marc Daly.
Wait, so they’re still not friends?
Next up for (daytime) fight night: Teresa v. Melissa. Ramona poked the bear (again) by asking Melissa whether Teresa knew Melissa was coming onto RHONJ for Season 3. Melissa insisted that Teresa knew, but Teresa insisted that Melissa begged Andy Cohen to hire her for the show. Teresa proceeded to accuse Melissa of betraying her by going on RHONJ without her consent or notification. Teresa compared RHONJ to The Godfather movies. Ramona seemed to enjoy the show, but Kyle got ugly flashbacks to the early seasons of RHOBH when she fought with Kim Richards on camera.
After a round of nude massages and Luann running around wearing nothing but tin foil and a thong, Kyle got to host a dinner with an astrologer. The astrologer claimed Kyle was a man – and even a military general – in her past lives. Ramona was quick to call BS on the astrologer… Because she still insists that Luann was the man. For Kenya, the astrologer insisted that she’s meant to be a shaman, and that she was the daughter of a king. Luann was allegedly a queen who “married a commoner”. (Seriously, is this astrologer also a Housewives superfan?) Cynthia was a “visionary”. Melissa was a princess. Teresa is “exotic”. And of course, Ramona was also a queen.
Here’s where the “Dinner Party from Hell” really turns south.
Cynthia tried to get in on the action at the dinner table, but Kenya pulled some “alpha female” shit and dominated the conversation alongside Ramona. This probably explains why Cynthia decided to call it a night early. Kyle, however, was in no mood to go to bed at a decent hour. She facetimed Mauricio to ask for help in making margaritas, and Ramona joined in on the action.
Finally, we made it through the first three episodes! Thanks for sticking with us for this three part RHUGT Recap!
Honestly, I was surprised by Peacock’s snap decision to release the first three episodes early. I literally had to scramble to drop whatever else I was doing and pull up Peacock on my TV. Then when Peacock crapped out on my TV, I suffered a little nervous breakdown before I finally got it to work.
Thanks so much to everyone for watching RHUGT along with me, and thanks so much to our fearless leader Tamara for letting me recap the show for y’all. Au revoir!