My brain is mush and I can’t remember anything. So am I forgetting some riveting crap that happened this season? Because I can imagine that there was more than two episodes of stuff for this reunion. Even with Nikki Minaj (?) showing up to the party. I kind of understood the RHOBH doing four episodes. But that was because two of them were just Erika Girardi’s histrionics. Nevertheless I’m going to try to do a quick RHOP Recap of part one. I do not have much gas in the tank tonight, and I still have to get to RHOSLC tonight.
Vaginas And Pastor Holy Whore
Apparently, we are going to start with the new girl Mia. I am so not interested in this girl’s vagina. And I just lost my cable. WTF is happening here? Okay it is back but my DVR is dead. So I missed a couple of minutes of vagina stories. Yay? Mia says that her mother is doing well. The DVR is back sorta. It’s very strange, this has never happened before. I don’t feel like I missed much.
Everyone makes fun of Gizelle’s house. Then Gizelle gets grilled on when exactly she and Jamal broke up. She is not really clear. She says they broke up after the holidays. However, Wendy pipes up to say that actually Jamal was on social media clapping back the reunion implying he is single and regrets doing the show. Gizelle says that Monique’s binder was not responsible for the breakup with Jamal. No one believes her. There is a lot of piling on Gizelle for going back to Pastor Holy Whore only to get cheated on again. Then, they lay into her for Pastor Holy Whore’s back taxes like that is her fault. These reunions are really just opportunities to drag people to death for their most painful choices. It’s sad.
It’s Time For Tissues Folded Into Triangles
After the break, Askale has joined the left couch. She was a breath of fresh air this season. She is loved for her style. And she is bringing it tonight. We are moving on to Candiace. Unfortunately, he had to hear her “sing” a bit. Then, we have to rewatch all of her tantrums this season. She says that Chris’ name is on her house and her mother’s name is not. I do not believe her. She says Chris is “being paid in love” for “managing her.” That I believe.
When they discuss all the mean things her mother said about Chris at the low-budget video shot, she asks Andy for a tissue. He even tries to fold it into the stupid triangle. Chris was really hurt by her mother’s comments. She cussed her mother out. Her in-laws watch the show. She feels like she might be unwelcome over the holidays for the crap her mother said about him. Candiace continues to claim she didn’t know about Mia’s mother’s struggles when she called her low budget. No one believes her. Andy asks her how her reckless mouth is working for her. She says she is never the instigator. She is delusional. Then she comes for Mia and talks about her mother again. We end with a round of Fuck Yous between Candiace and Mia.
Next Time: It seems to be just more screaming. That’s 50 minutes of my life I will never get back. See you next week?