That’s just the facts. I don’t have the capacity to recap right now. I’ll get to Project Runway at some point. I have never been in a lower place. I need a minute. I need some mental health time. I may even need some time away. Or I may recap something soon. Banjo is fine by the way, it’s not that. I know that a lot of people are struggling in the pandemic with no human contact. And it is also weird because I never have that anyway. I think I have solved the mice/rat/ problem. I cannot deal with the impending loss of Banjo.
I am just miserable. Someone has offered to come help me and I will be curled up on the couch until that happens. I promise to get back to recaps soon. I can do it, just not today. Thanks for bearing with me.
I completely understand. I need you to know that you and your site have gotten me through some very rough times when I thought it would be better not to be here at all. You sharing your bad days and being so honest made me realize that I wasn’t the only one. You bouncing back and having good days helped me to hold on because if you could, I could. I also completely relate to everything being ok for a few days (a sunny day, a funny incident) .. all the things you shared along with a funny, snarky, on target recap could last for a few weeks and then other things happening (lawn boy, bad day for banjo, storms, mean comments or being hurt) could overload and bring up the feeling of wanting to curl up. I’ve learned to be patient with myself because you are transparent with the ups and downs of life, anxiety, etc. I’m on the roller coaster too. So take care of you and I hope I can give you a tiny bit of what you’ve given me. ♥️
Please take care of yourself!! 🤗🙏🏻🤗
Curl up with your beloved Banjo and sleep!❤️
Don’t worry about recaps. Do whatever you need to do for your mental well-being – if that is curling up on the couch or if you feel like just getting on here and venting to us. You have kept us going through our low points.
I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well. Love you and so do so many on here. Sending you (((HUGS))) !!!!
(Repost…)
Honey, just take loving care of Banjo and yourself. I well remember when you two rescued each other.
❤️
This is such a difficult time for so many people – my daughter suffered the same.. please take care and curl up w your baby. We will be here waiting snd sending good thoughts!
🙏❤For you and your darling Banjo
Take whatever time you need! We love you are are sending positive vibrations your way TT
Long time lurker first time post. I understand what your feeling. (I think so anyway) I have recently broken up with someone who I absolutely adored, loved him with every fiber of my being. I am 57, never thought I would fine love again. He proceeds to text me mean mean things. I blocked him. Sounds so immature. I had to move back home with my Mom. She did agree to us getting a puppy but I am so sad everyday. My best friend refuses to see me because I am afraid to get the vaccine. Been dumped by my two constant’s in my life. It’s very lonely
Hi Caron, I just wanted to stop in to encourage you. Unless you want to get back in that relationship, please don’t feel sad and (permanently) close that door. Nothing you’ve said is immature – it’s healing. Just enjoy every moment in life and, if you’re getting a new puppy, enjoy the unconditional love you’re about to receive. I am a loner (by choice) and, despite being married, with family in the house, I have to admit that this pandemic has also caused some bad mental habits for me. I can’t completely relate to your situation but hope you can feel better – just knowing that we’re all here to support you. As the holidays get closer and it stays darker longer, try to smile. Don’t believe the mean texts and just be proud of how strong you were to choose yourself in this situation
What a wonderful response!!! Thank you so much!
Do not waste ONE second worrying about this site or all of us readers. We aren’t going anywhere. Sending your way peace of mind. You just do YOU now!
I was thinking about you and your circumstances. After your house is clean, lucky you to have such a nice friend, maybe you could take a road trip. Just get out of Atlanta and out of the house. When life is overwhelming, sometimes a change of scenery helps.
Yes! I was feeling like I wanted to get in my car and drive north on I95 until I hit NY (1,200 miles away). I just wanted to run away from all of my responsibilities, my messy home, the tons and tons of laundry, bills, helping my adult children, etc. etc. etc. I felt that if I spent one more minute in that place that I would lose my mind. It needs so much work and I’m not in a mental state to do any of it so it just gets worse and worse. I’m tired and I really don’t want to take care of anyone or anything EXCEPT my dog.
Oh fuck I forgot to pay bills. Guess I should do that now. Thanks for the reminder. It’s ridiculous because I have the money to pay my bills on time and online. It takes five or ten minutes. It’s simple. And I just sit there and stare at them and procrastinate.
I totally understand. I have struggled with overwhelming depression my whole life. Now that I’m older, add in massive anxiety and sometimes it’s hard to just get through the day. Thank you for sharing your struggles and building this community of support. This is always a safe place to escape for a moment or two. You mean more than you know to your virtual friends. I know it’s horrible to contemplate the loss of Banjo, try not to focus on that and just enjoy and cherish every moment you do have. I lost my fur baby of 11 years in July and it can still bring me to my knees but I try to focus on the happy moments with him, and there were lots. Much love and hugs.
BIG difference between being alone by choice in the before times and being alone right now. YUGE difference! Just saying. You are not alone in your feelings and idk but sometimes that makes me feel less crazy? Bless Nancy in the Smokies. I hope this helps. Sometimes just having a cleaner environment (home) is helpful in clearing our brains. It gets overwhelming for sure. Hang in there!
The recaps can wait until you feel better & are up to it. Rest & restore yourself by taking all the time off that you need. We will all still be here. Take good care of yourself & Banjo
xo Marc
I hope you feel better soon
I too have been in The Dark Place. I wasn’t sure I would make it out this time but I’m doing a little better. I literally was trying to explain the dark place to my husband and this is all I could get out – “the only thing worse than being helpless…is feeling hopeless.” He didn’t get it. So I tried this “so what if one day Batman decides he doesn’t want to be Batman anymore. He is just tired. Or, maybe he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and didn’t like what he saw.” He still didn’t get it. The dark place steals my spirit…and I worry sometimes if I will ever be myself again. My 17 year old golden retriever is also in his last days. Though I managed to pull myself out of somewhat, I know the dark place is waiting for me when I lose him. That said…my house is trashed and I don’t do well when it gets this bad. Today is clean up day….and I put some rum in my coffee to help me face it all. It helps lol I am also hoping to take a shower….maybe today…but baby steps…
Anticipatory grief is a real thing. Add in a pandemic and it is almost unbearable. Lost my 17.5 year old dog and I am still grieving 5 years later. I just loved on him for the last year. I stopped going out and spent as much time with him as I could. It was worth it. Hang in there and only do the things things that give you peace. ❤❤❤
Love you! ❤❤❤ Praying for you.
Take all the time you need for your mental health. Project Runway was a hot mess this week so don’t rush with a recap. It can wait.
Oh no —why do you say that? I liked project runway this week and I though Christian have good advice
Sending tender loving thoughts to you and Banjo. This too shall pass 🙏
Been reading here for years and have never commented. Until today. ❤️ for you and everyone else struggling.
Self care is important. Take care ❤️
Two weeks ago I lost my almost 13YO furry son. Still hurts but allow yourself to grieve. Mine was in renal failure combined with 2 absessed teeth. I know he was in excruciating pain. Yes was the kindest thing to do to put him down. Logically this all makes sense. But tell my emotional side that. It’s my 2nd fur baby that I lost. Wouldn’t change and would do it all over again. Cry allow all triggers to happen. Not sure if you are aware of it but the national suicide hotline is also for you in case you are having a mental crisis. Would recommend calling your local one whenever you feel like talking. They have helped me many times and they are there 24 hours.
Take care. Sending prayers positive energy.
I’ve been in a very dark place several times during this pandemic. It’s isolating and depressing, and I have gained literally 25 lbs.
keep it in mind as you know you are not alone.
We appreciate and love you!
Please dont worry about recapping. Rest and take all the time you need and spend it with Banjo. Sending good thoughts and prayers to you both. You are not alone, we are here for you both.
I am here day or night if you need someone to talk to anytime literally! I hope you feel better soon ❤️
Thanks for all the love you guys. I have been sleeping a lot. That’s healthy for me because you can’t drink wine or chainsmoke in your sleep. Now I am going to try to find something I will eat and maybe knock out a Project Runway recap. I love that show even if this season is a bit…weird.
It’s about to be dark. Hopefully, I won’t have any visitors. I’m such a fraidy cat.
You have been a constant in my life, every day, since about 2015. I’ve just moved into a very small apartment with my 2 enormous extra toed Maine Coons. I’ve actually started a 20 minute exercise routine for the sciatica from moving and actually stuck to it. I will miss the turkey mound and Mr T and his laydeez, but I am going to treat this move as a new start. I’ve been in a holding pattern for the last 2, 5, ? years. I got a better job. I still work from home, my next step is you know, finding some actual real people out in the world to talk to. And travel. I can’t imagine NOT ever being able to travel again. It’s small little steps. Oh, and aircon. Cos where I am in Brisbane, it’s similar to Atlanta, weather wise. Hot and sometimes cyclonic in summer, lots of humidity. I have a beautiful tree out the front, and birds that visit. I’m hopeful. First time in a long time. And I wish that for you, TT.
Remember, TT, it isn’t you. It’s your darned biochemistry that has been messing you up. LMK if you need a Premarin Care Pkg–
For me, this is an awesome comment. Like so many – I got stuck with some sh*tty biochemistry. Mine tends toward depression with hints of anxiety.
IN USA – Seasonal Affect Dosorder SAD it hitting We loose little bits of sunlight daily. It’s a real thing – and it sucks.
For those who have shared, thanks, I appreciate knowing I’m not alone. TT – you give us giggle, insight and an honest space. Be you and be you loud. Get some sun, get a SAD lamp and use it in mornings. They help
I am coming for sure. Friday after thanksgiving. One time a doctor suggested that I give myself a mental health day/week/month. Everyone else gets a vacation, why shouldn’t you?! You are hereby laid off for 2 weeks. Please. Do it for us.
Love this site and your writings and your adorable puppy dog. Take all the time you need.
P.S. I agree, Project Runway is weird and frenetic this year.
Do whatever you need to do for yourself! I understand the grief of losing a dog. Still not over losing mine 10 years ago. But don’t make him endure pain if it comes to that, the kind thing is to let him go. Keeping you in my thoughts.
There is so much genuine love for you here. I know the dark place and its easy to get stuck there. I can be sitting on the couch next to a family member and feel all alone. Just know that we love you
Feel better soon. Love to you and handsome Banjo
“I am mentally unwell”.
Sums up my mental state currently. It’s my birthday and it’s been an overall crap day. It keep hitting me right in the face how unhappy I am with life.
Positive thoughts to you. We’ll get through this shit somehow.
CC79- sorry you are down. Just wanted to say happy birthday. Tomorrow, look around you and spot something you think is beautiful. Could be anything. ❤️
Here’s to better days for everyone!
Thank you for your kind words. Today has been a little better.
The 6th was my elder daughter’s birthday, too. The day before, Friday, I realized that on that day 60 years ago I had been in labor. I was sure glad THAT was over. However, what I didn’t realize all those decades ago was that it was the beginning of a lifelong obligation. I was still a teenager, & thought I’d only signed an 18 year contract.
I hope you’ve recovered from your birthday blues, & that you realize you have a whole new year of potential happiness to explore–
So sweet- I appreciate the kind words. Happy birthday to your daughter!
Hi Tamara, I saw your note on Twitter and wanted to stop by to say something. I don’t know what I can say that might make you feel better but I sure wish I could think of the cure. I think we’re only just now starting to understand how the pandemic/lockdown made us feel. I thought the lockdown would be a dream come true for me because I prefer to be antisocial (publicly) but the whole thing impacted me more than I thought it would. I can relate to how torn you are about feeling lonely while also enjoying your private alone time… that’s me also. I don’t know the answers but want you to know that I ‘see’/feel your struggles and hope you feel better soon. Sometimes a vacation isn’t the answer but some mental quiet time may help you relax. I hope your friend comes soon as well… that should make a big difference (or at least I hope so)
I have to say something about Banjo too… I know your love is centered there and your heart breaks every time he has a setback. I love your stories about him and know that he loves you with every fiber of his being. Virtual hugs to both of you. If you need to chat, I follow you on Twitter and FB with this same name on Twitter (or close to it, I had to make variations everywhere)
Please take that vacation, no matter what
The only think you NEED to do is cocoon and take care of YOU and Banjo. All of this other stuff is still going to be here and still be what it is . Hope you just wrap your arms around yourself and take the time to just release and refresh. Keeping you in prayers
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I’m so very sorry Tamara. Take your time. Breathe. Hug Banjo. I’m so sorry.
Y’all are simply the best. Thanks for being kind to this old, cranky, depressed, anxious, lonely old lady. It really means a lot.
Also thanks for the emails from people who seem to be a bit shy about commenting. I wish you would all come out of lurkermode and join this big old dysfunctional family. We are MOSTLY harmless, though we can all have grumpy days. Especially me. 🙂
Take care Tamara. You’ve gotten me through tough times reading your recaps. I wish I could return the favor to you. I pray life gets a little less challenging soon. 🙏🏻
Sending much love. ❤
WELL FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought we were GETTING another hour of daylight, not loosing one! Now it is going to be pitch black dark at 6pm???? FML!
Stop It. For every damn second that you are fearing the loss of Banjo, is one more damn second of time of existing real life Banjo time that is right there for you to play with him or, brush him, or walk with him or cuddling up with him.. Stop mourning his loss, there will be plenty of time for that when he IS gone.
No, sunset is at 5:30. FML.
I have a rule about leaving or returning to the shack after dark. This is making things problematic.
Stop It. For every damn second that you are fearing the loss of Banjo, is one more damn second of time of existing real life Banjo time that is right there for you to play with him or, brush him, or walk with him or cuddling up with him.. Stop mourning his loss, there will be plenty of time for that when he IS gone.
I saw a tweet today that made me lol. It said “hello darkness my old friend, why’re you here it’s 4pm” 😂
Can we just do away with Daylight Savings? Bc Seasonal Affective Disorder is real. And really bad in a global pandemic. Just saying.