It’s time for the last RHOP recap before the reunion. This photo of Robyn captures my mood tonight. I’m not expecting much. I suppose we have the vow renewal for Karen and “The Black Bill Gates.” And Juan and Michael finally show up on screen if only to fawn over each other. I didn’t think this season was that eventful, and yet we are having a FOUR PART REUNION? Really? I blame Cardi B for this.
The Last Thing Robyn and Juan Need Is A Baby
We start with a double date with Robyn and Ashley. It’s really just a reason for Juan and Michael make googly eyes at each other. What is a spicy watermelon margarita? Can someone bring me one? Michael has a personal trainer five days a week. That seems a bit obsessive. Michael has avoided filming because he can’t stand Candiace and more specifically, Chris. Ashley asks about Robyn and Juan having another baby. Don’t they have to have sex for that? They can’t even carry on a conversation. Do we really believe that Juan wants to have another baby? Robyn is 42 years old. The entire topic is ridiculous.
On to other ridiculous topics like Candiace’s “record deal.” The E1 website doesn’t have her listed as an artist. And their actual signed artists are all people you have never heard of. Meanwhile, Robyn is moving her business to a warehouse. Juan is there to help but of course they have another argument about the hypothetical baby. Juan storms off. We’re twenty minutes in and it’s all filler. And the reunion is FOUR EPISODES? How? The only franchise that needs a four episode reunion this year is RHOSLC. However, RHOP has better ratings than RHOSLC.
Bravo’s Marital Kiss Of Death
At the wedding venue, all the women freak out because they have to climb a long staircase to get to the bar. I’d be more worried about coming down the staircase after drinking at the bar. Also, Gizelle is still in a boot. It looks like all the husbands will be there and get into an argument. The girls are all dressed better than the RHOBH cast at the reunion. Wendy can’t get out of the car in her dress. It’s one of those gowns that you cannot walk or sit in. Dumb choice, but it’s pretty! Candiace immediately starts stirring the pot with Wendy who is refusing to acknowledge Robyn or Gizelle. Mind your business, Candiace. Gizelle and Robyn immediately start trashing Wendy.
Gizelle is apparently dating a much younger man. But, she doesn’t want to give any details on camera. Macy Gray is at the vow renewal? You now have my full attention. I’m shocked that she is Karen’s friend. Where have we been hiding her? Karen’s dress is gorgeous. But, how is she going to get up all those stairs? Somehow she manages it. Eventually. Now she has to get back down. Macy Gray sings her new song for the first dance. It’s not exactly a song to dance to.
It’s Dinner Time AKA Time For The Main Event!
Michael arrives late due to some sort of birthday party for one of the kid’s friends. Allegedly. Candiace starts trash talking him right away. Juan, Michael and Chris are all at the same table and the tension is high between Michael and Chris. Juan tries (and fails) to get them to work out their differences. Chris tries to make amends. But, Michael is not interested in his apology. When Michael tries to talk to Robyn, Candiace says “This is the whitest privilege! I have to go,” and storms off. What is it with all the runners this episode!? Leave it to Candiace to make things even worse.
Meanwhile, Candiace’s white husband is left to deal with the Michael situation. The minute Candiace is gone, Michael and Chris shake hands and agree not to disrespect each others wives. Problem solved. Michael asks Juan for a hug. And he gets one. His night is made. Then the electric slide begins and the party begins. Juan leaves early. Chris confronts Candiace over her dramatic white privilege excuse to flee the dinner table. He once again tries to teach her simple social skills that most people learn in elementary school. Candiace is on the short bus though so instead of putting her listening ears on, she starts screaming at Chris to STFU! Because, Candiace.
In the endnotes we learn that Gizelle is no longer dating the young guy and instead had a hot girl summer. Mia is building a bigger house with a suite for her mother. Wendy is writing a memoir. Um, why? Chris barely speaks to Candiace’s mother. Now if only he would leave Candiace. Robyn and Juan have moved into their new house, but still don’t have a wedding date.
I have to say the reunion looks GOOD! Maybe we do need four parts?