Welcome back to another installment of drunken, beautiful people’s shenanigans, otherwise known as your Winter House recap! I’m going to try a new format today as there are just too many people on this Godforsaken show. Yet, only a few are actually doing things. I’m going to stick to who’s making the show juicy and do a very brief synopsis on who isn’t. The “Isn’t’s” first. Gabby is really trying to get into Luke’s lumberjacks, to no avail. He’s too busy making igloos and fires to notice pretty girls. Gabby doesn’t seem to notice that JASON is into her. JASON. He is hot, he cooks, he listens when she speaks, he is (so far) unproblematic…it makes no sense.
Add it to the list of things on this show that don’t make sense I suppose. Julia seems to be making an effort to get to know everyone. I like her so far but again, not doing much. Craig is Craig. Drinks, talks shit about Austen, then hangs out with him. Amanda is annoyed with Kyle, who drinks and works too much. I would love to see Amanda without Kyle. I feel like she could be fun, if she didn’t have to babysit her 40 year old fiance all the time.
Hurricane Lindsay Has Arrived!
That brings us to the central players of this hot mess show. Paige, Andrea, Ciara and Austen are still making out in the hot tub. A huge shoutout to Bravo for making me want to pierce my own eardrums whilst listening to the slobbering hot tub kissing. So fucking gross. Anywhoodle, everyone braces for the arrival of Hurricane Lindsay. I personally cannot wait for her to come! Lindsay’s force winds prove too powerful for Austen to ignore. There is clearly a huge connection between the two. SInce he’s Awful Austen, he’s trying to appease both Lindsay and Ciara. Should work out perfectly! Ciara (and Lindsay) are far too beautiful and smart to be chasing after Austen. Yet, here we are.
Paige and Andrea are super flirty. I will preface this as I am old AF. I am married with three kids, one of whom could be on this show in 5 years. (Over my dead body but you see the age I’m working with here). It could be just me, but I find Andrea super skeevy. He’s gorgeous with an amazing accent. Got it. There’s something about him that screams player to me. I don’t know. Paige is soaking it all up, regardless of what Mama PCK thinks.
Sister Lindsay, Oh The Time Has Come
The gang finally get out of the house to go night snow tubing. It looks so fun! They then hit the bar, where Austen and Lindsay’s attraction cannot be denied. Ciara is sitting there watching them. For me, that would be a deal breaker. For Ciara, maybe it’s a competitive thing? Either way, she remains undeterred. Lindsay and Austen confess to Kyle that they have slept together in the past. Kyle is shocked. Then Lindsay and Austen share the longest hug, again witnessed by Ciara. Austen asks Lindsay if she ever thought about a future with him. She said of course.
They go back to the house where Lindsay falls on the floor drunk. Lindsay then professes her love to Austen. He feigns shock, but he knew all along that she wants more from him. He leaves his drunk, emotionally vulnerable “best friend” to go snuggle with Ciara. God I hate him. The next day, sober Lindsay and Austen discuss the L bomb. Austen tells he loves Lindsay too…LIKE A SISTER. I want to smack that huge, sagging tongue right out of his mouth. Why do these women give him this attention? WHY?
Next week on Winter House: More drunken shenanigans. Julia goes after Luke. Amanda, Kyle, Ciara and Austen go on a double date. Ewe. Oooh Mama PCK could be right about Andrea! He gets texts from two women. Gabby confesses that she’s only known Andrea as a player. Thank you so much for reading! And thank you all for the sweet condolences on my Red Sox losing, and for the beautiful birthday wishes. See you all in the comments!