I’m exhausted and in a very bad mood for this Vanderpump Rules recap. So, I’ll probably be a bigger bitch than usual when it comes to this shit show that no one is watching. Last week’s ratings were 0.583 million viewers, That’s WWHL levels of bad. HOWEVER, they had 0.22 in the 18-49 demo which is pretty good. I’m not going to address all the dramatic rumors because my source has no confirmation on any of them. I do believe that the fired cast members are going to be selling their houses soon. I don’t believe “the breakup” between Lala and Randall is serious. Lala throws a lot of temper tantrums.
Lala Is A Fundamentally Horrible Person
Apparently, Raquel is going to go visit Lala so they can play pickleball. Why would Lala agree to this? Lala is a full blown cuntsatchel and that is never going to change. What is Lala’s agenda? Katie continues to stir the pot between Sandoval and Schwartz. Sandoval doesn’t want Schwartz and Katie to come over to test drinks with Ariana. So it seems Scheana and Brock will film her scene with her instead. Apparently, Lala has a pickleball court at her house. She kills Lala 11-0. According to Lala’s bet, this means Raquel has to give another toast in front over everyone and work in the phrase “made me wet” regarding James’ proposal. Lala just likes fucking with Raquel.
Ariana is having a cocktail making/tasting party. She is making a cocktail subscription service called (Drink From Home) DFH where she send a new recipe each month with all the cocktail ingredients. Shouldn’t be Drink AT Home? IJS. Schwartz shows up without Katie. Sandoval is still pissed at Katie because she yelled at him at Stassi’s book signing event at Tom Tom in front of the customers. That was three Covids ago. Get over yourself! Even Schwartz says Sandoval needs to seek therapy if he is still so traumatized. I can’t stand Katie, but most husbands would not tolerate the way Sandoval treats Schwartz’s wife.
Ariana wants the attention back on her at her event instead of her boyfriend screaming about not liking his sister wife. She gives Brock and Scheana the instructions to make her cocktail. Schwartz is going to play along as well. They all make their drinks fairly well. Scheana talks to Brock about his other kids and all the things Lala says about him. It’s really not her business.
Where Is Sandoval Getting All His Money?
Later, the Toms go to a floral warehouse to meet with LVP and delivers some flowers to Tom Tom. Schwartz tells LVP that his home equity loan was denied. He still has a small business loan pending. Sandoval says he can cover Schwartz’s share. He tell us that would make him a 67% owner with controlling interest. Wait! WHO OWN THE OTHER THIRD? And why does he have tens of thousands of dollars to spend on James Kennedy’s proposal? The original’s casts contracts specified that the all had to make the same per episode. So, it makes no sense to me that Sandoval is so flush.
Next, we are off to some sort of all cast night out for not reason. But, truly it is just production’s plan to make Raquel give an uncomfortable toast in front of everyone. I see their fingers all over this just like the pickleball game with her arch enemy Lala. Brock shows up and sits next to Lala. Is this some sort of kiss Lala’s ass event? Brock starts trying to explain things to Lala. Why? Lala keeps on needling Brock for more information. Apparently, Lala is the star of this shit show now? Raquel, who is a pageant queen among other things pulls off her toast perfectly. I never got why she made a big deal out of the first one.
Oddly Shaped Heads
Katie and Schwartz meet with his doctor to find out about his sperm count. The news is not good. 96% of his sperm sample had sperm with misshaped head. So he has to limit his alcohol to four drinks a week from 20 something (gross underestimate) no more smoking pot, and no more hot tubs or hot baths. Oh and he has been doing a lot of mushrooms during the pandemic. Because, who hasn’t. No, WTF?
LVP has the girls over so she can meet Scheana’s baby. Scheana brings her mother with her to take care of the baby. Lala comes with her baby nurse in tow. Can none of these women take care of their own children? It’s not like they have jobs. LVP is having a tea party outside for the girls. Meanwhile, the boys are having a boys night out catered by McDonalds. Apparently, Brock told Lala that his ex won’t let him speak to the children because she placed domestic violence charges on him. So of course, Lala thinks this is something to bring up at the tea party in front of everyone. She fake cries and makes it seem like she is worried about Scheana. PLEASE. With friends like these…
Of course LVP jumps right on the bandwagon. Scheana immediately texts Brock and he is pissed he told her anything. He cries to the guys about someone coming for his family. He cries again in confessional. Then, he leaves the guys night.
Next week: The guys have a poker night and it typical fashion it appears Randall loses his shirt, Raquel gets a nose job. We me the third partner in Schwartz & Sandy. He seems like a dick. Ariana and Craig are on WWHL tonight.