Some of you have my phone number. Let me explain what is happening. First of all it is a land line. I know this is is strange for most of you. Secondly, I have two hand held phone that mostly need to be recharged. Thirdly, something has gone incredibly wrong and now my fucking phone rings FOREVER. And I cannot answer because usually the phones are dead. So what I am getting on my end is INCESSANT RING FOR AGES ON MY END THAT I CANNOT ANSWER. It is so annoying. I present I can call you but you cannot call me. When you try to call me I get a ring on my phone that never stops and goes on forever. I don’t understand this situation either.
But for the love of GOD, please stop trying to call me. MY PHONE IS FUCKED UP! An all I get is one long ring I cannot answer! Email me. I will call you. PLEASE STOP CALLING. I really do not want to talk to anyone right now. Can you please let me have some space for what I am going through? I love you all and even if I drunk dial you I still need my space. All of this is a lot to deal with. Banjo is the only dog to ever rescue me. He seems kind of “Finesh” now So we are still holding out for everlasting life.
So to my friends, I hope to contact you when I can. I’m not really sure why the comments are being blocked, but I am super sad and miss you all. I’m having a really hard time .
I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time😥 Hang in there you are not alone.
oh no, sounds like you are really having a time, I wish I could help, this sucks so much, what you are going through, my heart is breaking for you.
OMG, that would drive me insane. I also have a land line so I don’t find it that odd. I hope you can get it fixed soon.
I also have a land line and it has saved me a few times, like when I left my cell phone at a blues club and was able to call to find out if it was located. Actually, that happened twice, at two different clubs. Hope things improve for you, Tamara.
Miss Tamara, we LOVE you!!! Thanks for reminding me of what a land line phone is, trust me I’ve been there 🙂
…and Thanks for dropping the name of the woman who previously shall not have been named. I remebered
her from M2M moreso than Rhoa, but anywho we wish her all the best, it was probably for the best. Would have commented on the post itself but it was days past by the time I saw it so I figured I came too late for the conversation
Also, I know we haven’t even made it to the reunion yet but I’m seriously considering starting a petition to Defund Candiace (Miss Dorthy I hope your listening)
We love you here. Please reach out before things get too dark there. I hate to hear you’re not in a good place. (((HUGS!!!)))
So sorry for your troubles, TT. Hugs to you and Banjo.
Love and appreciate you TT.
We love you TT, hoping you and Banj feel better soon❤
Please don’t worry… Banjo will ge fine; as he’s been everytime you thought he wouldn’t, over the past seven years!
I have had those cordless landlines and when the battery starts to go, they will ring incessantly and you can’t answer. You need a new battery for the cordless or a new landline phone. Hang in there. ♥️
I’ve followed here for a long time, laughed often, shook my head a lot but never commented. Today I am. I’m a now single 66 year old woman who “almost” lives alone. My daughter passed away 5 years ago. Alone is the best place for me. It’s not sad, it’s just best. The only thing that makes life okay is my “almost”. A beautiful angel in canine form named Hope. I have a real good idea of how important your Banjo is to you. My heart goes out to you as you face this. I’m saying prayers for you both.
You sound like you have been through a lot. You are still young at 66, and don’t forget that.
Thank you so much. Your kindness is a blessing. I love being the age I am, because my years have allowed me to find the huge importance of thankfulness, even in the aftermath of tragedy. When “stuff” happens I try my hardest to look for the good in it, even if smaller than a grain of sand. Doesn’t mean you are glad for the bad things or would chose them again if given a chance to rewrite history, but rather, because finding something, anything good that came from it, keeps you from focusing solely on the “why the f**k did it happen to me” feelings. Won’t get into it but even in my daughter’s death I was able to find something special that happened, that wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s all in how you look at life !!
Again, “who rescued who?” comes into play. We rescue dogs, they rescue us. Glad you found Hope. It seems she has lived up to her name.
I am sorry about your daughter. I do not know how one goes on — but I admire the strength and grace of those who do. I hope Hope will be with you for a long time.
As I sit here struggling with the death of another chicken, I think the pain of losing a child must never go away. MAYBE it gets better. People say they don’t get over it, they get through it.
OMG Nanette. So sorry you lost another chicken! 🙁
Nanette, please read my response to Kdwagz because I certainly appreciate your kind words and was also thinking of them when I responded to her. I couldn’t agree more about rescue dogs, in fact that was why I named her Hope !!! Sorry about your chicken. One good raid of the coop by a raccoon years ago, put all my farmer Mary aspirations to rest. And no, you don’t get over losing a child. As much as I dislike the phrase “new normal” it really does apply. You don’t ever laugh quite as easily or as often. Sometimes the sight of other’s sharing the love of the Mother Daughter bond brings tears to my eyes. But I thank God every day that my mind is sound, because I have 27 years of wonderful memories. Again, thank you.
I hope you and Banjo are feeling better.
We have a landline AND cell phones. We are old. We have lots of animals. We need a backup (landline) for the times we lose/misplace our cells. And cells because they can be a literal lifesaver. We have been very grateful to have both, despite people trying to convince us that we do not need a landline. What we need less is a FANCY cell phone.
You have said you do not want a cell because you do not want to be besieged with calls. YOU HAVE WAY MORE CONTROL OF THAT WITH A CELL THAN A LANDLINE! There are MANY OPTIONS to control calls.
1. Do not give out your number indiscriminately.
2. You can turn your cell phone to OFF.
3. You can turn your cell phone to “Do not disturb.” You can see who called you whenever you choose.
4. You can block people — and still see if they call, if you choose.
5. You can see who is calling and hit IGNORE.
6. If you are driving and choose to not receive calls when driving, callers will be notified. (IF it’s an emergency, there is a way for them to get through. Block anyone who abuses that.)
7. Your voicemail is available on your phone — IN YOUR HAND — and you can hear your messages or see them as texts.
PLUS:
8. You can text more easily/quickly than email and both parties read and respond on their own schedule.
9. You can get your email and do web stuff from almost anywhere.
10. IF YOU ARE IN A BAD SITUATION, YOU CAN DIAL 9-1-1 from anywhere.
11. See #1.
YES! Perfect. I hope this convinced her.
I have a landline. My lifeline since I have a cell phone that “talks” constantly and I have absolutely no idea how to answer, call, or use, or “shut it up”. (I mute it)
Problem is I need the #.
Embarrassing. I use my kindle for zoom doctor and messenger for communication.
Thank goodness I don’t talk to people.😊
I got a few more things guess I will vomit out.
-mom is in hospice care at home. She always has disliked me (I think one of my first comments, T T doubted, but my mom told me so……)
I had a actual nice convo the day prior to her finding this out. She liked me! I suffered terribly and was beyond devastated by her status.
Welp, she’s at home, doing fair, and I called her.
She crushed my soul by how she will agree to a gift of me not bothering her. Not my brother or sister. Ugh. She got me again.😥
I am 62years in a weekish, and feel 7 years old.
-our car died
-our lease is increasing $700/MONTH.
But actually I am feeling find today.😊
Thank goodness for a bff. Like Chris and I, she and her man have been off and on for 30 years, never married, but she got a ring, doing a drive thru wedding and then a party!!?
Hope you all have a great Sunday. My son, when I was crying and hyperventilating about my mom, said “you have Shawana (bff) and your on line friends” meaning you guys.💛
Just awww.😊
Thanks for letting me vent.😊
my mother despised me and loved my brothers and sister. she did serious damage to my self-esteem and confidence before I even turned 18. at 18 I was gone, moved 2000 miles away. she snagged me back in during her last 15 years and she was still nasty to me and I always reacted like a hurt little girl. I finally learned to stand up to her, reasonably, and always protected myself from her and her words and behavior. I was there for her the last 5 years of her life.
once I accepted she didnt love me, for whatever reason, it was easier to deal with her. I also came to the realization that I didnt love her. and that was ok.
my unsolicited advice to you is, step back from her and be careful around her when you have to be around her. leave her alone. and above all know that just because she doesn’t like you, you are lovable to others. love yourself.
Thank you daintyfeets.💛
I absolutely can tell you know exactly what it is like, and since I have never had anyone REALLY understand, or been embarrassed about my mom not liking me, I feel like it’s become easier to breathe.
Thank you friend.💛
Tamara, I hope things get better as soon as possible. Hi Cheryl. I know exactly what you and Daintyfeets have experienced regarding having a mom that doesn’t like you. In my case, never loved me. I’m crying as I type this because I have so many triggers when it comes to her. I can go on and on about the emotional and verbal abuse, among other things. For all who happen to read this, may I please ask that you pray for me? Only God knows everything that I am going through. I am constantly thinking about suicide. I have an amazing son and daughter that I don’t want to be a burden to. I am so sorry everyone, but I am so depressed I don’t know how long I can hold on. Thank you for your prayers.
Prayers sent. Also please call this number and get some help. 800-273-8255 It’s the suicide hotline number and the can help, I promise. Also where in Georgia are you?
God bless you. Please, if you can’t find it in yourself right now to hang in there for yourself, do it for your son and daughter. I know from experience how devastating losing a parent to suicide is. Please, don’t do that to them. You may feel like you don’t matter, but you do. Don’t lose faith. Don’t lose hope. You are loved even when it doesn’t feel like it. God loves you, and I have prayed for you. Hold on.
Don’t be sorry, CJ! Just keep talking to us!
Hello CJ,
First of all, you must be a wonderful mother yourself to have two great children who find you lovable and wonderful. Please don’t rob them of their beloved mom because I know from experience how traumatic it is to lose a parent to suicide. My dad took his own life nearly thirty years ago and it still affects me. I am so glad that you are reaching out to others about how you are feeling. My dad internalized it and never received the help he so desperately needed. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem, so I commend you for taking this step. Things can appear so hopeless at times, but if you just hang on and talk to professionals you can see a new way of looking at a situation that maybe you hadn’t considered before. There are so many people out there who are willing and able to listen and help you, but you may need to try various therapies to determine what will work best for you. Just remember how great a mom you are and how much your kids need you.
All of us want you here!!! Love and prayers to you and your family.
CJ I hope you are still reading here. You can email me directly on GMail. I’m tamaratattles there too. Maybe we can set up a time to talk? I kind of down today as well. But, I know this feeling will pass. So hang tough and remember that you are NOT a burden to your kids. They love you and would blame themselves if you made the decision you are considering.
CJ in GA: Please don’t! I can tell you from first-hand experience that you think the suffering will stop, that it will be an escape, but it will fucking RUIN your kids’ lives. They will NEVER get over the pain. It will be an endless battle of what if’s for them.
Please, dear God I beg you don’t do it. My daddy did it. It’s the worst hell. Every time the thoughts creep in, PLEASE think of your kids.
Please know you are loved. Your kids would be devastated without you. Just like you were devastated without your mother. But you are not your mother. You are your kids momma and they want and need you. Pray
Oh … CJ. This site kept me going during months of suicidal thoughts — because it made me laugh. And not feel alone. Every day, I struggled to find ONE THING to hold onto to get through that day. Often, it was Tamara Tattles. I read and laughed LONG before I ever commented. You were brave to comment. Brava. So I will pass on what helped me.
Your FEELINGS are valid, but your mother’s actions toward you are SHIT. HER SHIT. But as we form our self images as children, we DO NOT KNOW that. And it is hard to free ourselves from the shackles of YEARS of the abusers’ acts and words.
You beat the first part of the legacy of abuse. You did not pass it on to your own kids. That is HUGE. HUGE.
Because you mention prayer, please remember and believe the Serenity Prayer (or Serenity Principle for non prayers). You can neither control the past, nor your birther’s actions. She wasn’t your mother, just your birther.
It is so easy to say things, harder to do them. BUT, NEVER EVER repeat to yourself any of the negative shit she said to/about you to yourself. EVER. Scream aloud “stop,” or “cancel, cancel” or ANYTHING to stop those thoughts. They enter your subconscious and wreak havoc in your mind and heart.
AND, REMEMBER “Blood is thicker than water. But LOVE is thicker than blood.” Choose and surround yourself with kind and loving people — your TRUE family. ~ Best wishes and love.
The “fact” that she doesn’t love you is on her and her judgment. I was cut off years ago by judgemental parents and they missed out on a wonderful life (albeit flawed by self esteem probs and long recovered alcohol abuse). You are certainly not responsible for your mother’s issues or cruelty.
Beautiful advice to a hideous situation. I was verbally berated and emotionally abused by my mother BUT I ALWAYS FELT SHE LOVED ME. That makes it way easier.
It must have been the worst growing up feeling unloved, especially when bothers and sisters were treated differently.
I hope you can find some peace and happiness and — IF YOU DECIDE YOU NEED TO — the strength to cut your mom from your life.
This site kept me going through a very difficult period of my life. Tamara knows this, and was extremely kind to me, made me believe that there are good people out there! If I did not have children I may have sought that way out also. But it’s always darkest before the dawn etc etc. I personally hate the cliches but they are true. Hold on CJ!! We got you! praying for you-
Sending you (((HUGS))) Cheryl!!!! My mother is a total controlling bitch. I heard it all my life. The few friends she had when I was growing up used to ask me, the kid, what was wrong with her. One of the detectives who worked my dad’s suicide told my husband (who he knows) not to let her do to me what she did to my dad. It’s been a vicious cycle. I know she is bad for my well-being, but I always get guilted. “She’s the parent, I’m the child.” Right??? Children aren’t supposed to be respected – even when they become parents themselves. She has this delusional self-importance that is sickening. It’s impossible to talk to her realistically. My kids have said be done with her. She’d never believe they said it. They would have to tell her to her face and then they would be the one with the problem. The problem is never her – in her mind.
Omgosh, you guys, thank you so much. I have spent years worried that she may die some day and I will never know why she didn’t like me.
Stories when as a adult I had to stand outside of the front door until they were done eating, then can enter, and eat. While it was Thurs night and the day my daughter would visit. AND I DID IT!! I was 28 years old.
F’IN crazy.
I am so glad I finally stopped erasing and finally mentioned because CJinGA needs help, and I am hoping that you do CJ. We all need each other.💛
Wrapping thoughts of you in warm hugs and kisses.
My mother also doesn’t like me. She begrudges every success I have had. My mother caters to my only living sister and her children— paying for houses and their college educations. I’ve taken care of my dead sister’s child since he was 8. My sister has had nothing to do with him. I
It is not about the money. It sucks, but it is what it is. You can’t pick your relatives— even your mom. I suppose I need therapy.
Holy cow, we are quite the little tribe here, those of us who know what it is like to have a mother who didn’t like us. I always told people that my relationship with my mother was “complicated” and that is an understatement. I don’t want to hijack the thread here with my stories, but I will say that only you control you. Her life was her life and I refuse to let her become my life. It isn’t easy, but it is necessary.
Aww! Hang in there girlie! Love you bunches!
I just saw CJ in GA’s post. Is anyone talking to her??? This tears me up for her, for her kids. My Daddy committed suicide and my uncle 6 months later. We have got to help her – stop her. It will ruin her kids’ lives. It’s something you never get over. We can’t let her do this to herself, to her kids. It will destroy them!
CJ, I am sorry if I triggered you.
Please reach out to at the least TT.
What keeps me going is my daughter and son.
They love me, and if I hurt, they hurt.
There is NO way they would love me like they do if I didn’t deserve it.
We know how we felt with our moms. We also know that is not how out children feel about us. 💛
Hugs and prayers to all of suffering so badly 🙏🙏🙏
CJinGA. If you read this, have a good day today. 😊💛💛
I don’t know why these things continue to surprise me, but they do. Maybe because I wish they were not true.
How many of the TT community have lost loved ones to suicide is head-spinning. Wow. I hope you all find love and happiness and healing.
And how many of us have either had thoughts of suicide or … more …
I wish all of us the love and happiness and healing too.
It sounds to me like more than one of us has endured the gawdawful burden of having had a mother with narcissistic personality disorder. Absolutely no guilt, folks–it was NEVER your fault. If you are here, you are a survivor, battered & scarred, but nevertheless a survivor. My younger sister was not a survivor, just a victim as long as she lived, & when she died at the age of 47 her friends declared she had contracted cancer just to escape from our mother.
I clearly remember the day in 1999 when I got the call from my great-granddaughter that my mother was terminally ill with cancer & only had 2 weeks to live. When I hung up the phone I slumped against the wall in relief, my only thought “How did I get so lucky?” I was in my late 50’s, & felt like I was soon going to finally achieve freedom–little did I know she still had some tricks up her dying sleeve, & that she would manage to torment family members, including me, long after she was ashes in a crypt. I still have nightmares about her.
It was even later in life that I discovered that I was not alone, that there were other women like my mother with this vicious personality disorder, & of course, countless victims in their wake. Right now I happen to be in the middle of reading Lady Colin Campbell’s biography of her mother, another woman with this disorder, & nearly every page I am amazed that another woman would have behaved exactly the way as my own mother, with exactly the same ways to torture her children as long as they & she lived. The book is “Daughter of Narcissus.” Note that psychologist Mary Trump, PhD, has also written a best-seller about the widespread devastation this malignant personality disorder creates.
I do not know if there are survivor groups for grown children like us, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Each of us likely has a tale that can top the next one–& the totally weird thing as that the abuse didn’t stop when we escaped home (17 for me), but continued at least for the lifetime of the abuser, often cleverly after death. Although I cut out my parents most of my adult life as a survival tactic, periodically I would get sucked back in, always with disastrous results. For those of you still in this situation–GET OUT NOW, no matter how piteous the abuser’s situation. She loves the drama & manipulation, even if she is literally on her deathbed. Ignore the pleas of family & any guilt trips they want to lay on you. SAVE YOURSELF! No matter what you do, mark my words she will still find a way take it out on your children. If anyone thinks I’m being overly dramatic, you just have NO idea of the individual & family destruction of which this succubus is capable.
And look at you now, living a wonderful life with a wonderful man. Thank God the succubus was dead before Flyboy entered your life. Just so she couldn’t TRY to ruin that for you. Living well IS the best revenge.
My God, MizGrandma, your words are so incredibly true. I am a product of a narcissist as well. This thread has been touching on so many nerves I couldn’t comment until today. I’m actually the sole caregiver for my narcissist mother, and only because my fathers estate has my entire retirement fund and my kids college funds tied up with her as the trustee. I pray for her death often. I am in my mid fifties and still stuck with this bitch, as I was employed by my father before he got a fucking brain tumor and she switched everything. My biggest regret is ever letting her lay eyes on my kids. I was younger then and didn’t understand it all back then. I’d be homeless without the money I rightfully earned with my career and education I paid for myself. Even my life insurance policy is tied up in it. Otherwise I would have hauled ass years ago with no forwarding address. It’s humiliating.
There’s another great book all daughters of narcissist mothers should read, called Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists and their Struggle for Self, by author Elan Golomb. I’ve read tons over the years but it was a deeply identifiable feeling I got after reading it. I had a wonderful shrink for several decades (highly recommended for those who suffer), but he killed him self! Anyway, I tried to move several times out of state to get away from them but they always followed me. I accepted my fate but waiting for the day I become free. I have coped better on some days than others and I relate to the very dark days that so many here have shared.
One thing I learned about narcissist mothers of daughters, is they literally compete with their own daughters, not their sons. I was the black sheep for my entire life until my dad died. I was crushed but it actually pulled the curtains back for the entire family to see the ugly truth and I was vindicated of all the lies she had told about me and to me. I say this to share & hopefully help others to understand it’s not got anything to do with themselves. I actually think the pain we endured gives us more empathy than others.
I would also like to share that there are support groups through NAMI. Pre-Covid I had a great group I met with, at the recommendation of my dead shrink. I would’ve liked to ask him what the entire situation said about our fathers who choose these women. I was very close with my dad, and it pissed her off no end. As he’s been gone longer I now wonder why he didn’t leave her when he was alive. I’ll probably never understand that one. He clearly had his own issues!
I’m saying prayers for everyone here and especially for TT. It’s not an accident that we all found this place. Nanette’s suggestion about the serenity prayer is very true and helpful. I have a big pillow with it needlepointed on my bed to remind me of it daily. I will spare everyone my stories as what you said is true- I’m sure we can all top each other in that department!
We are definitely all SURVIVORS. Thanks for sharing your wisdom here….AGAIN. xxoo
“Trapped in the Morror” is an apt title, & for those who have not yet encountered the phenonmenon (other than in a recently past president) of narcissistic personality disorder, just remember the tale of Snow White’s tribulations with her wicked stepmother. THAT was no fairy tale, just a case history.
OK … I am going to go there … I will add a prayer that your mom SOON GOES TO A BETTER PLACE.
Hopping on my luge to hell for saying that!
Lol! I hope that luge is a 2-seater! 💕 I do appreciate the support. xxoo
I feel like I have a army behind me ready to hold me up.
I feel so thankful, and I am grateful for each and every person here.
Thank you all. 💛
With the holidays is what I was fearing the happy families, mother and daughter cooking, etc.
Usually, I just don’t comment during the holidays due to embarassment.
This year I am going to celebrate everyone, no matter what the situation, without any shame.😊
Cheryl, please focus on the family that you created with your own awesome children. This is how we break the cycle. You are not alone and clearly are a great mom with kids who love you.
Same for CJ if she’s reading here.
Big hugs to all. Hang in there!!!
Thank you IJC.💛
The way we left the last phone call that was, well, left me stomped on, I told her that I would gift her by not bothering her to see how she was for a week. She agreed, gladly, but hesitantly.
But, I decided, with the strength gathered by the best bunch of souls EVER, (you guys) I am not going to even put myself through it.
I will think about a one liner email, maybe.
As a wrap up.😊
CJinGA, have a great day today.😊
Feel better! Fall is tough bc sun starts to be a little less and Seasonal Affect Disorder starts about now!
Rest and be well
Hello my fellow survivors! Just recently I shared with TT that she saved my life, Literally! CJ, I was so down that I thought I had no way back up. I also had a mentally abusive and unstable mother. She hated all of her children because they took away the attention that she believed should have been directed towards her. She terrified her children, kicking all of us out by the age of 16. She told lies like they were from the Bible. Told my high school counselor that I was going to become a street walker because I stayed up late. (Not because I had insomnia and that’s the reason I wasn’t doing good in school)
She told me that the only reason I’m alive is that she didn’t believe in abortion. I learned that there is light and life ahead and away from abuse. Sending you all the love you need. 💓💓💓💓
I guess that Brian guy who killed Gabby Petito is DEAD DEAD DEAD. Good riddance.
I had hoped they would find him alive and send him to jail, along with his parents. Still kind of fishy that they were the ones who stumbled across his body and stuff after literally the entire country and their DOG, was looking for him for a freaking month!
I was half watching news. The remains have been identified? Yeah, good riddance. He should have done that first before killing Gabby.
HA! I had not read your comment before I titled my post. That must be an SS thing. LOL.