Some weeks fly by and others drag on. This week has been a drag. I’m actually ready for this Vanderpump Rules recap tonight. I need some distraction from real life. So let’s get right to it.
OMG. I am starting to like Charli. She sleeps with a mannequin? And she complains about having to play pickleball with these losers in the sun? Yep. Totally starting to like her. Lala is the literally the most annoying person on this show and I hope Charli accidentally smashes a pickleball in the head. In other annoying people news, Katie continues to belittle her husband.
The First Annual Pickleball Open
Everyone is being forced to play pickleball. Pickleball is apparently on the Bravo list of acceptable activities on their shows. This is like the third time we have had to endure idiots playing pickleball. This time it has a “90s Wimbledon theme.” I don’t get this game. What makes it different from tennis? The paddles? The number of squares on the court? Lala is a terrible loser. No surprise there. So is Katie. If you care, Randall won the Pickleball Open. Schwartz was a very close second.
Tom Sandoval is the Rachella party planner. But first there is a pool party. And what is a party without party games that make everyone upset. In this case it is some sort of Truth or Dare Jenga thing. You really don’t want any more detail than that. You might need to know that Raquel’s dare was to make a toast. Apparently, public speaking is her Achilles heel and will be a recurring theme this season. She cries about it hours later to James. She asks James, “How are you not embarrassed by me.” So sad. Scheana’s parents are at her Palm Springs house to watch the baby. Brock is not very nice to Scheana’s mother. He’s also a dick to Scheana. Scheana is a terrible picker. This has been the longest 26 minutes of my life.
A Tale Of Two Seasons
Schwartz tells Katie that she has a “Karen” haircut. She’s pissed. He’s right. And that is my favorite part of this episode. The Toms are hanging out and Katie is about to stir the pot between them. I can see it coming because that is all she ever does. She has put Schwartz up to telling Sandoval to stop steamrolling him. So, of course Swartz starts of with “Katie thinks you are steamrolling me.” BWAHAHAHA Katie mumbles about him not Yoko Onoing him. She’s such a moron. Schwartz immediately backs down from Sandoval and says he’s good.
Sandoval and James head off to set up for Rachella. Sandoval is “paying for the event.” You know, if production was was named Sandoval. Meanwhile, Lala and Scheana have a play date for their babies. This is weird, because they hate each other. We learn that Scheana’s baby, Summer, has the same birthday as one of Brock’s other daughters. Ironically that daughter is named Winter. Clearly, Scheana chose the name on purpose. Brock hasn’t seen his other kids since he moved to the US four years ago. He’s a winner that one. Brock claims that his ex won’t even let him facetime with the kids and cut his whole family out.
Forty nine torturous minutes later we are finally at least predrinking for Rachella and getting on the road. With roadies of course. Everyone freaks out when they get to Coachella. I didn’t know that was the name of the actual town. James kicks off the party with his DJ moves. Raquel is the most excited. She and James go to Coachella every year. Production did a great job with the fire dancers, aerialists, margarita bar, photo booths, food truck and teepees. I missed the part where Rachel found it was for her, or they didn’t so it but she is so excited.
It’s ten minutes to the proposal that will probably be shown on the next episode. Oh apparently Rachel didn’t know it was all for her until James pulled her aside and showed her some balloons spelling out Rachella. I can’t believe she has waited five years for this moment. James gives her a very sweet proposal with a lovely ring and she said yes! Then, Sandoval set off all the fireworks. It was very romantic. Everyone comes over for the fireworks wondering what the heck is going on.
Next week, Katie and Schwartz try for a baby. I’m not sure if they know they will need to have sex for that. Raquel’s evil sister tries to dim her happiness. Lala continues to badger Scheana about Brock’s other kids. Sandoval and Katie continue to butt heads. Heh. I said butt head.
Random Instagram post. Lala posted photos of herself in the wedding gown she has yet been able to wear.