Some weeks fly by and others drag on. This week has been a drag. I’m actually ready for this Vanderpump Rules recap tonight. I need some distraction from real life. So let’s get right to it.
OMG. I am starting to like Charli. She sleeps with a mannequin? And she complains about having to play pickleball with these losers in the sun? Yep. Totally starting to like her. Lala is the literally the most annoying person on this show and I hope Charli accidentally smashes a pickleball in the head. In other annoying people news, Katie continues to belittle her husband.
The First Annual Pickleball Open
Everyone is being forced to play pickleball. Pickleball is apparently on the Bravo list of acceptable activities on their shows. This is like the third time we have had to endure idiots playing pickleball. This time it has a “90s Wimbledon theme.” I don’t get this game. What makes it different from tennis? The paddles? The number of squares on the court? Lala is a terrible loser. No surprise there. So is Katie. If you care, Randall won the Pickleball Open. Schwartz was a very close second.
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Tom Sandoval is the Rachella party planner. But first there is a pool party. And what is a party without party games that make everyone upset. In this case it is some sort of Truth or Dare Jenga thing. You really don’t want any more detail than that. You might need to know that Raquel’s dare was to make a toast. Apparently, public speaking is her Achilles heel and will be a recurring theme this season. She cries about it hours later to James. She asks James, “How are you not embarrassed by me.” So sad. Scheana’s parents are at her Palm Springs house to watch the baby. Brock is not very nice to Scheana’s mother. He’s also a dick to Scheana. Scheana is a terrible picker. This has been the longest 26 minutes of my life.
A Tale Of Two Seasons
Schwartz tells Katie that she has a “Karen” haircut. She’s pissed. He’s right. And that is my favorite part of this episode. The Toms are hanging out and Katie is about to stir the pot between them. I can see it coming because that is all she ever does. She has put Schwartz up to telling Sandoval to stop steamrolling him. So, of course Swartz starts of with “Katie thinks you are steamrolling me.” BWAHAHAHA Katie mumbles about him not Yoko Onoing him. She’s such a moron. Schwartz immediately backs down from Sandoval and says he’s good.
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Sandoval and James head off to set up for Rachella. Sandoval is “paying for the event.” You know, if production was was named Sandoval. Meanwhile, Lala and Scheana have a play date for their babies. This is weird, because they hate each other. We learn that Scheana’s baby, Summer, has the same birthday as one of Brock’s other daughters. Ironically that daughter is named Winter. Clearly, Scheana chose the name on purpose. Brock hasn’t seen his other kids since he moved to the US four years ago. He’s a winner that one. Brock claims that his ex won’t even let him facetime with the kids and cut his whole family out.
Fireworks!
Forty nine torturous minutes later we are finally at least predrinking for Rachella and getting on the road. With roadies of course. Everyone freaks out when they get to Coachella. I didn’t know that was the name of the actual town. James kicks off the party with his DJ moves. Raquel is the most excited. She and James go to Coachella every year. Production did a great job with the fire dancers, aerialists, margarita bar, photo booths, food truck and teepees. I missed the part where Rachel found it was for her, or they didn’t so it but she is so excited.
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It’s ten minutes to the proposal that will probably be shown on the next episode. Oh apparently Rachel didn’t know it was all for her until James pulled her aside and showed her some balloons spelling out Rachella. I can’t believe she has waited five years for this moment. James gives her a very sweet proposal with a lovely ring and she said yes! Then, Sandoval set off all the fireworks. It was very romantic. Everyone comes over for the fireworks wondering what the heck is going on.
Next week, Katie and Schwartz try for a baby. I’m not sure if they know they will need to have sex for that. Raquel’s evil sister tries to dim her happiness. Lala continues to badger Scheana about Brock’s other kids. Sandoval and Katie continue to butt heads. Heh. I said butt head.
Random Instagram post. Lala posted photos of herself in the wedding gown she has yet been able to wear.
That proposal was awesome! And it was so cute how much Raquel loved it without even knowing the event was for her. I’m happy for them.
Funny you mentioned the 26min. That is the time I cut out from this episode. This is no longer fun, just task after task. This show and the people, minus Charli give off dead inside vibes. That IG photo you posted, since cameras were there, is this for a lame wedding special, because we all care so much! Great recap, you added just the right amount of salt to one very bland episode. Can’t they just ditch the originals, maybe just keep the Tom’s on like a Peter mgr roll and recast this show!
Kudos to production for making it look like Charli was having a long conversation with the mannequin head. I love that kind of editing. Also for the flashback to Shaena saying she would name a baby Madison, not Summer. She explained it away on WWHL, but I never fully trust what she has to say. Not a reliable narrator because she spins everything.
I feel sorry for Scheana. She does not think rationally, or realistically. She really can’t pick a man. She was doing her talking head during the play date scene saying how she could never pick a man, regardless how much money, who it was not 50/50 with regarding baby duties. Then, throughout the play date Lala and Randall sat big-eyed, mouths open listening to Brock tell about not seeing his kids for 4 yrs, acted like it was just all for the best that step-daddy took over with them because Brock was coming to the U.S. and leaving them behind. I was thinking Scheana, you idiot, you picked a man who chose walking away from 2 kids 4 YEARS AGO and you think Randall not changing many diapers is what’s bad?????
I love Schwartz and wish he wasn’t everyone’s punching bag. When Sandoval isn’t manipulating him, Katie is emasculating him and Randall is insulting him. I generally play a game on my computer when Lala comes on the screen. Raquel is sweet. I felt her pain because I hate speaking in public. Why did Sandoval have to push her to give a toast? He can be such a jerk. I have to say, I’m enjoying the show without Jax, Kristen and Stassi.
I thought this was a a cute show, Tom Sandoval has really taken over. Ditto on Jax & B, K, and S, not missing them at all but kind of miss Peter and his blandness. It seems like SUR is an after thought on this show now. “Next week, Katie and Schwartz try for a baby. I’m not sure if they know they will need to have sex for that.” Ha! I really don’t want to got thru Katie’s infertilities struggles with her, she’s unlikable enough. Something tells me its going to be a long haul and wanting a baby because you feel left out is not such a great reason.
I agree with you about missing Peter. I’m not sure how much filming they did at Sur but I hope Peter’s included in more scenes this year.
I know I’m in the wayyyyy minority, but I’m with Katie on Schwartz being steamrolled by Tom, and I don’t know how she can even stand it. I mean come on… On WWHL they said that they DID end up calling it Schwartz and Sandy’s, even though Schwartz hated it. I see it the other way around than others do. I think it’s Tom who puts Katie in the middle of him and Sandoval. The guy has zero backbone and asks his wife to do his dirty work and then throws her under the bus when Sandoval takes him to task. I could never EVER be with a man(who acts like a boy imo) like him. She’s right… Grow a pair Schwartz. Watching him raises my blood pressure.
I can’t believe I’m watching this show again. I thought I had absolutely zero interest, yet here I am. Tonight’s episode had some very sweet moments.
Tom Sandoval does drive the bike with Schwartz in the sidecar both literally and figuratively. But, I think Schwatz likes it that way. That’s they way they have always been. What Schwartz can stand is being henpecked by Katie all the time. The Toms were a couple long before Katie came into the picture. She practically forced Schwartz to marry her. If she wanted a strong alpha man she should have looked for one. She needs to stay out of her husbands relationship with Sandoval and stop railroading him. That is Sandoval’s job. She needs to stay out of the restaurant and mind her business. Next week she wants to have a baby with Schwartz? Why? She seems to actually hate her husband. If she is hellbent on wearing the pants, at least let him wear the dress in peace.
Dress in peace! I have never heard that before but it perfectly describes them. Thanks for the smile
Omg … right on point, TT! The question is WHY did they get married. They don’t seem to even like each other.
Yeah, I’m not saying that I like Katie either, but I think that Tom may not only like being bossed around but Sandavol, but also by Katie. I think he probably has some issues that he probably gravitates to bossy people. I like him well enough, but I personally could never be with someone like that. His lack of a backbone would override all of his good qualities over time for me.
I agree with everything you said. If Katie wants Tom to grow a pair, she has to stop trying to control him and protect him. Let him fight his own battles. I have grown to dislike her and Sandoval. This show has no reason for being, as far as I can tell. Sad cause it really used to be my guilty pleasure…well, one of them anyway.
Amen, Tamara. That’s exactly the way I see the relationship between Katie & Schwartz.
Katie is quite possibly the most unlikeable person to ever be on Bravo, and that’s saying a lot!
100 percent agree. Katie is tbe worst of tbe worst !
Katie has been unpleasant ever since the show started! I literally do not see any redeeming qualities about her. In former seasons she was one of the witches of Weho, and wow she really thought she was a queen bee. Now she is just a wet blanket, bitching and complaining the whole time. Last week she was complaining that she got a “small bed”? for two nights she cant suck it up in a queen bed?
I agree, she is a real pain in the ass. And in every partnership one person is good at certain things, and another at something else. Sandoval is clearly the razzle dazzle man, and Schwartz the silent partner; but Sandoval needs him. I Love Schwartz!! I Loved the proposal, I was proposed to during fireworks! Why in the AF am I watching this? Patiently waiting for BH tonight-
Hi TT, love your site, it’s the best. Coachella is actually in Indio, CA at the Empire Polo Fields, but you were correct that there is a Coachella, CA as well.
Thanks! I’m a Georgia girl but on the show there was a street sign that I thought said something about welcome to the town of Coachella. 🙂
Why is Randall on this show? Is he trying to be relevant. Dude, your 20’s are over.
He needs the paycheck so he can meet the vig on the money he still owes Fofty!