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You are here: Home / Vanderpump Rules / Vanderpump Rules Recap: The Schwartz Shuffle

Vanderpump Rules Recap: The Schwartz Shuffle

October 5, 2021 by tamaratattles 30 Comments

It’s time for a Vanderpump Rules recap and the tea is no one is watching Vanderpump Rules. The premiere episode that aired last week only had about 637,000 viewers. That is about half of what the previous season’s premiere had. I’m still shocked there is even a new season since everyone was let out of their contracts shortly after all the firings began. Then, apparently, they decided to cobble something together. In other ratings news, things are shockingly bad for RHOSLC as well. Even a felon by bravo can’t seem to get their ratings out of the gutter. Perhaps things will pick back up with that once the episodes are all filmed after the arrest. I’m dying to get to that road trip.

Tomfoolery

Anyway, on to this crap show. lol. I admit, I do love the Toms. Lala kind of ruins this show. We start with Brock and the Toms at a cycling class. Swartz is discussing the ratio of thigh to dick ratio. Brock doesn’t like the name Swartz and Sandy’s. Neither does anyone else, but that is the final name. I would have gone with Tom Foolery personally. Sandoval is pissed at Katie. Everyone should be pissed at Katie just on general principal. Next, it is time for the pointless LVP scene and apparently Ariana drew the short straw. As someone with kinky hair, I am jealous of Ariana’s stick straight hairdo tonight. Oh! Tom and Ariana have mortgaged there house for the bar. Wow. Really dumb move. And Ariana thinks she is immune. She’s not.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE VANDERPUMP RULES RECAPS & NEWS!

James Kennedy stops by to visit Sandoval at his house. The group is going to Palm Springs and James is going to propose to Raquel. Sandoval is planning the entire event. They are recreating Coachella for her because she loves it so much. Raquel’s family hates him so when he went to ask her father he suggested perhaps he could just throw him in a ditch. LOL. I agree with her family. That said, if not for Raquel, James would probably not be alive right now. Somehow she keeps him on the straight and narrow.

Vanderpump Rules RecapDelusions Of Relevance

I know so little about California, EVEN THOUGH I WAS CONCEIVED THERE! lol, that I am not really sure where they are going, but I THINK it is Palm Springs. Forgive me Californians. YES! I was right! Lala thinks she is going to be on the NYT best seller list. All of these ghost written books by Bravo morons should not be considered at all. Lala also thinks she was not the aggressor in her altercations with Ariana. She’s beyond delusional. Sandoval tells LVP about James proposing to Raquel on the trip. Because, the Toms both can’t stop acting like gossipy old women. Also, LVP needs to take some flower arranging lessons. Swartz admits that he is the one who hates the name of the restaurant.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE VANDERPUMP RULES RECAPS & NEWS!

Someone needs to get Katie some help with her jewelry. Finally we get to Palm Springs. The place is beautiful and Katie starts bitching immediately. Lala and Randall have their own house and she brought the baby. Oh wow. Lala did not make the NYT bestsellers list. She also thinks she is a published author. I’m still trying to get to know Charli. She’s weird. So in other words she fits right in. I’m also trying to cook while writing a recap and I don’t have the mental capacity for that. Everyone is having fun because Lala is not there yet. Charli plans to come for her. Good luck with that, new girl. I mean I am rooting for you but … Lala is a guttersnipe.

Vanderpump Rules RecapYou Better Work, Work It Girl…

Lala  arrives to the house with Randall. Doesn’t he have a job somewhere?  Brock and Scheana arrive and I can’t really explain what Brock is wearing. Perhaps he is going for a Samari warrior vibe? I feel like this would be a good show to watch on acid. Because, it always kind of feels like an acid trip to me. Is it me or are Ariana and Scheana both dressed like elves on a shelf? They have a very weird walk off. I must admit that Sandoval can in fact work a run way. Next, we work our way to a showdown between Ariana and Lala. I hope Ariana wipes the floor with her ignorant, trashy ass.  But first, drunken Randall seems really pissed he was not asked to invest in Tomfoolery. Err. I mean Schwartz and Sandy. Schwartz has no idea what the concept of the bar is.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE VANDERPUMP RULES RECAPS & NEWS!

James talks about how he can no longer work at SUR because he trashed LVP’s son. He realized he fucked up.  Everyone is very supportive of him. Suddenly, Lala sees an opening to come for the new girl, Charli. Clearly she is not happy she has a role on the show now. Remember how everyone treated you like shit when your ho ass first arrived at SUR? Now you want to do that to someone else who is for all we know just a sweet kid who is not sucking dick for money? IJS.  I need Charli to just beat Lala’s house. Terry Bradshaw ad for his show is adorable. Charli shares stories about childhood abuse over eating. It’s heartbreaking. Somehow, Lala and Charli hug it out.

Next time: It’s the Pickleball Open (/groan) and Brock explains why he was cut off from his children. Also, It’s time for the big proposal. And I guess I will watch fucking WWHL and comment if anything interesting happens. As always, thanks so very much for reading.

 

 

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Filed Under: Vanderpump Rules Tagged With: Ariana Madix, Brock Davies, Charli Burnett, James Kennedy, Katie Maloney, Lala Kent, Lisa Vanderpump, Pump Rules, Raquel Leviss, Richardson Cherry, Scheana Shay, Tom Sandoval, Tom Schwartz, Vanderpump Rules

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. atdleft says

    October 5, 2021 at 10:28 pm

    I used to be a big Pump Rules fan. I just don’t think I can handle this show any more. They probably should have just canceled the show, then maybe repurpose a spinoff/new show for the Toms, Ariana, Katie, and maybe Scheana. Lala’s story arc finished sometime last season, and I lost count of the newbies who’ve been churning on and off this show.

    Reply
    • Shay says

      October 5, 2021 at 10:49 pm

      This show has definitely jumped the shark. Not only am I over all of these people, I want nothing to do with propping up this shit show other than reading about it here. I do love the Tom’s, but Katie is a non-fucking-starter for me. I would rather pull my eyelashes out than look at her face or hear her voice. And TT is correct, the name of their new club is stupid, and it was even MORE stupid to mortgage their home for this shit, especially during a pandemic. And I’m speaking from experience. My husband, 30 years ago convinced me to mortgage our home to prop up his business. Long story short, we ended up $1M US in debt. I almost divorced him behind that shit. I was in my 20’s, making $30k a year and was terrified. We were blessed only because the bankruptcy laws hadn’t changed, so all by $30k was discharged, but at that time I had 800+ credit score, and had to start from BELOW the bottem with a 350-something credit score and had to spend YEARS rebuilding. I said never again, and I own outright the home I live in. These “kids” think they have all the time in the world to make mistakes, and in this era we live in, they don’t. Yong people are burdened for decades behind bad financial decisions. Sigh. Fortunately, my husband ended up becoming successful, but I told him he had to do that shit on his own, I would pay household shit, medical shit, but NONE of his business shit.

      Also, Lala is a cunt and she alone makes this show unwatchable.

      Reply
      • Nanette says

        October 6, 2021 at 1:20 am

        I really REALLY hate when someone does to another person the same things that hurt them so much. It’s so petty and disappointing. I expect people to do the opposite, but so many times … they take the low road. Ariana seems to remember what hurt her and apply that to supporting others. Lala … the opposite.

        Reply
  2. janfan says

    October 5, 2021 at 11:13 pm

    the real show is going to be the new bar – whatever it is called!

    Reply
  3. MHP says

    October 5, 2021 at 11:32 pm

    I really enjoyed how Charli wiped the floor with Jax at last year’s reunion. Britney was stumped as the entire cast seemed to really like it

    Reply
  4. Jro says

    October 5, 2021 at 11:39 pm

    That’s absolutely a better name! I didn’t hate SS but it sounds like a sports bar. Your name sounds inspiring! Hahaha!

    Reply
    • Nanette says

      October 6, 2021 at 12:44 am

      There have been at least three places named Tomfoolery in California. Don’t know if any are still open.

      Reply
      • Mike b. says

        October 6, 2021 at 8:19 am

        What about TS 2?

        Reply
  5. Annabelle says

    October 5, 2021 at 11:44 pm

    I hate Lala. Why is she so angry (nod to rinna🤪), please stop trying to make them relevant bravo. I like Charli but she feels out of place with this couples retreat of epic boredom! Yeah just let me live with the reruns from years gone by, because seeing them adult is as exciting as a sock! And yes Katie’s kitschy jewelry is awful. Not shocked these shows are doing poorly, if viewers are like me, we’ve all moved on.

    Reply
  6. gigi says

    October 6, 2021 at 12:17 am

    I didn’t even watch the last season so I don’t think there is any way I’ll watch this. Just from the recaps I know I can’t stand any of them. How about this… GET A REAL JOB! With benefits… Their 15 minutes are so over

    Reply
    • lulilu says

      October 6, 2021 at 10:56 am

      Me too. I don’t like any of them. They overact for the show, trying to be extra. Not a good look.

      Reply
  7. Nanette says

    October 6, 2021 at 12:49 am

    I wish there would be a spin-off with Sandoval and Ariana traveling and visiting weird places. They could travel with a vintage trailer. They could do overnight trips in the trailer and little day trips on the motorcycle. Similar to Norman Reddus’s show, they could sometimes be joined by other INTERESTING people.

    Oh, yeah, Ariana would drive, Sandy in the sidebar! Bwahahahaha! I DO love my Sandy!

    Reply
    • Nanette says

      October 6, 2021 at 12:51 am

      Every place they visit could be the inspiration for a signature cocktail. (And a Sandoval outfit.)

      Reply
    • Keep it moving says

      October 6, 2021 at 10:26 am

      Oh Jesus! I just got it- Sandy=Sandoval. I haven’t watched for a couple of seasons so if they started calling him “Sandy”, I missed it.

      Kept thinking – who the fuck is Sandy???

      Doesn’t matter… anyway you look at it, it’s not a good name.

      Reply
      • Mike b. says

        October 6, 2021 at 10:48 am

        I’ve never heard him him called “Sandy”. It reminds me of Nene and “Who’s Ken?”

        Reply
    • Annabelle says

      October 6, 2021 at 12:38 pm

      Team them up with Adam and do something similar to that show on Netflix about redoing and relaunching cool places that need a little extra. That I would totally watch.

      Reply
  8. Karen says

    October 6, 2021 at 1:45 am

    Did anyone notice that LaLa’s bikini was from target. You go big spender Rand with the security tags still attached and the receipt right there. Also that Charlie’s dress was the same dress she wore in the flash back fight with LaLa. Bitches please.

    Reply
    • Annabelle says

      October 6, 2021 at 12:44 pm

      Product placement and to show in case you missed it it was bought at target. Also pointing out the store didn’t forget the tag, rand did.

      Reply
  9. Mike b. says

    October 6, 2021 at 8:47 am

    I’m confused. Were the Toms fired from TomTom? I don’t remember that happening but they don’t seem to be associated with the place anymore.

    Reply
  10. MeAgain says

    October 6, 2021 at 10:19 am

    I love the name Tom Foolery! 100 times better than S&S!

    When you say that Lala is running the show this season it makes me not want to watch it at all. (I haven’t watched the 1st 2 episodes of this season yet.) I’ve been binging the old seasons since they’ve been showing them during the day. I liked it before Lala arrived to tell us all about how life works. (Spare me, miss bj’s for pj’s.)

    Reply
    • Annabelle says

      October 6, 2021 at 12:48 pm

      Great name!!! But if it wasnt Sandy’s and Schwartz, what else could Katie bitch about. Tom’s cheating and tequila Katie has is been done to death so keep going after Sandoval till that horse is dead!

      Reply
  11. Nanette says

    October 6, 2021 at 11:01 am

    On WWHL: The Toms really like Brock. Katie and Lala, not so much. So far, I am really liking him. Another man who sews … I love it. Some of my fondest memories are sewing with a couple of — “manly” straight — guy friends. I really liked when he went to comfort Charli.

    I guess next week, we get insight into his relationship with his ex.

    Reply
  12. Gingerella says

    October 6, 2021 at 11:11 am

    Not enjoying this revamp of the show. Lala has terrible anger issues. It’s a good thing she stopped drinking, but clearly there’s a lot more therapy needed. Tom Sandavol gets more eccentric and annoying each season. I used to think he was hot. He’s channeling some Freddie Mercury vibes and he seems kinda feminine. He knows he’s the main guy, an OG of the show, and his theatrics in every scene he’s in is so obviously exaggerated. I wonder if he’s that annoying in person. These fools are older than me and still hang out with young twenty somethings. I have NO interest in socializing with anybody under 25 these days. This show went from my ultimate favourite to one I watch when I’m browsing my phone and half asleep.
    Does anybody know why Dana didn’t return? Did she get her hand slapped for something as well?

    Reply
  13. Nanette says

    October 6, 2021 at 11:11 am

    On the subject of FASHION … TT … Are we going to have CJBomb and the Lovely Less recapping Project Runway this season? I hope so. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

    Project Runway reviews span the range of reality recap snark sites and serious fashion sites and not one compares to the brilliance — CJ’s encyclopedic fashion knowledge, combined with just the right amount of snark — of theirs. I love that they both give their opinions, sometimes they agree sometimes not, which adds flavor to the recaps. AND, when my opinion goes against the judges, I get a THRILL when almost every time, CJ feels the same way I do. (And often Tim Gunn too. I miss him on PR.)

    Reply
    • KaraW says

      October 6, 2021 at 9:12 pm

      I feel like Project Runway is going to be a lifeline for me this season. Like it’s what I NEED right now. Just pure entertainment with limited fighting and hopefully pretty clothes. Maybe because fashion doesn’t remind me of anything else in my life and I need that escape. Not that my life is that bad… but it will be a nice break.

      Reply
  14. Anon says

    October 6, 2021 at 11:35 am

    Don’t some celebrities buy enough copies of their books to make the NYT best sellers list? I do respect LaLa that she didn’t do that.

    Reply
  15. Sue W. says

    October 6, 2021 at 2:08 pm

    i only view most of the episode 2 this season. It was more than enough to tell me I don’t want to watch this show anymore. The only reason I would ever wish for it to succeed is that should it fail those fat heads Stassi and Jax will believe it just couldn’t make it without them. That is far from the truth this show jumped the shark at least a season or two ago. I was hoping the cast shake up would improve things but not!

    Reply
  16. DawnMammer says

    October 6, 2021 at 9:45 pm

    I dislike all of them besides Schwartz but will continue recording (not watching) just so the ladies of RHOBH (Kyle-hardly a lady) can take several seats about LVP’s shows tanking.

    Reply
  17. 4paz says

    October 6, 2021 at 9:51 pm

    Does anyone know what the viewing numbers were for episode 2?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 6, 2021 at 9:58 pm

      653,000 viewers (0.23 18-49 demo) *season high* lol

      Reply

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