Guess what guys! Guess what! I made it out of the house just before our next 8 monsoon and have supplies! And by supplies I mean dog food, water and wine! LOL. And you know toilet paper and other essentials. So I feel energized by my success ahead of this RHOP recap. Tonight we have the first ever couples trip. At least for this franchise. What could possibly go wrong? LOL.
It Seems That Those With No Man Are Not Going
I am in a good mood and my body is ready for this double recap night. The two best housewives shows currently airing back to back! Anyway, Mia, the new Monique (but not nearly as great) is ready to come for Candiace. She tells her husband, Gordon. she’s ready to fight a bitch. And when it comes to Candiace, I am here for it. Meanwhile Candiace is is trashing Mia to Brown Dick. I tried to make all the photos of the men for this episode, but I had to use a few of the women. I totally forgot the Robyn is building a house. Robyn and Ashley bond over not being fond of Candiace. Robyn hates Wendy too and she is the one hosting the couples trip. Apparently, Gizelle isn’t planning on going on the trip.
Wendy’s husband Eddie is kind of hot. He’s going on the trip. I’m excited about seeing the men. Ashley’s husband is not coming. Robyn is torn about going on the trip. Karen is going and Ray is supposed to come a day late. We shall see. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Maryland so I am excited to go vicariously through these women.
I need to stop for a moment and talk about Balenciaga. While I know that many of the housewives get free clothes to wear on the show, I would not think that Balenciaga would do that. However, this is like the third or fourth franchise where someone is wearing a Balenciaga to with the name all over it. So, I feel like they are sending the clothes that no actual rich person would wear as a billboard. It’s actually free advertising with not cost involved at all as long as their name is emblazoned all over it. You’re welcome Balenciaga. If you have plus sizes please send me something in gray without the name all over it. Something tasteful. I do recall (and reminder my recollection is foggy) that Louis Vuitton hated being connected to the housewives franchises. But I’m sure it sold a lot of shoes.
Gordon and Mia arrive right after Eddie and Wendy. Gordon is going to show out this episode. He’s the Peter Thomas of RHOP. IJS. Wendy shares shots with the foursome and says the theme of the weekend is GVO, Good Vibes Only. BWAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! Never going to happen, girlfriend. Sorry. It’s had for me to remember who is Mia and who is Wendy with the new everything. They are both very pretty and don’t look alike at all. But, it is still hard to remember who is who. Hopefully the husbands will help me out. I can tell the husbands apart. LOL.
Drunken Talk About Strip Clubs ( And Not JUST me)
Karen and Ashley are riding together without their husbands. Ashley left her baby at home with Michael and you know, whoever he is fucking this week. Errrr…. ALLEGEDLY! Candiace arrives with Brown Dick, errr I mean White Chris… I mean Chris. I love Mia and all of her Candiace shade. Everyone is already wasted and talking about strip clubs.
In Atlanta, couples go to strip clubs literally all the time. A WHOLE LOT of important business deals are made in strip clubs. I remember wanting to go to the Pink Pony which is sort of a big deal around her and my boyfriend surprised me with a trip on the way home from Lake Lanier one Saturday (PS if you come to Atlanta NEVER EVER EVER GO to Lake Lanier or Lennox Mall both are death traps). Anyway, we went in the day and it was much fun. He of course had been there a billion times and was bored. I wanted to stay to see Miss Nude USA! (I love a pageant queen) but he dragged me out of there.
Sorry back on track. Did I mention I have wine for the first time in 90 forevers? Apparently, I missed the part where Gordon talked about how well hung he is. lol. He’s 68 and apparently it still works. I’m not sure I buy that. Askale arrives with her husband Dre. They are walking in to Gordon being drunk off his ass. Everyone drinks more shots. Oh Lord have mercy. Everyone knows Gordon is completely shit faced.
Money Talks, Wealth Whispers
So, Gordon goes outside to get a phone call and gives the phone on speaker to Mia. Then, he tells everyone to listen. He taps the women on the shoulder and tells them to listen. Mia is getting a customized vehicle that she wanted. Gordon really, wants everyone to hear how much money he spent on a car. This is not how actual rich people act. I know actual rich people. You would never know until you know them for a long time. Gordon tells his wife to STFU. And the women are stunned. She’s getting a customized G wagon. I remember reading in Cosmo when I was a kid that real rich people in the south drive a Ford F150 and the others are pretenders.
The girls all break off to talk about how fucked up Gordon is. Except for Mia. I hate to say this but Candiace is making a lot of sense and is probably the most sober person in the room. I wonder where Ashley is? She probably went to bed like a sane person. But now Candiace and Mia are getting into it with just the girls and all of the your mama comments between Candiace and Mia are coming out. Ashley and Karen are not even there yet. Candiace and Mia get into it. All hell is breaking lose and Ashley and Karen are about to walk into a shit storm. Mia keeps screaming GVO after Candiace starts talking about Mia’s big ass feet. Good Lord. We all have big ass feet if we were raised in the south. Yankees are the ones with little feet! LOL.
All Hell Breaks Loose
Finally, Wendy and Ashley arrive. They are apparently team Mia. I love that Mia calls Candiace “Candy Ass.” Wendy announces that it is time for room assignments. Oh, this is always fun. lol. Someone says, PUT CANDIACE IN THE DUNGEON. Brown Dick says, “No!!! WHAT ABOUT ME!” lol. The people stuck in the cottage on the last trip get to pick first. That sounds fair. Then, Ashley gets to go because she left her child to be there. Next, Mia, then Candiace. Then if Gizelle or Robyn show up they can pick. Candiace is pissed that Wendy said she was mean. Candiace gets into it with Mia. And starts throwing food at her. Actually I think Mia started the food fight first. All of these women are low budget in my low budget opinion. Apparently, production sent the men outside for all the drama.
Next week, Gordon continues to be EXTREMELY low budget. And the food fight continues. Why do these people agree to look so ridiculous on TV? Gizelle and Robyn show up. Brown Dick tries to get his POS wife out of there. I’m just saying… why do people act like this on TV? If I were in this situation I would leave immediately and I don’t have kids or a husband or pretty much anyone that would be humiliated by my behavior other than me. Isn’t that enough reason not to behave like people raised by wolves?