I truly thought my days of Vanderpump Rules Recaps were behind me. Everyone was released from their contract so they could pursue other options. Restaurants were closed. Most of the original cast was let go for racist or homophobic acts. Stassi’s classes on How Not To Be Racist didn’t take. Lisa Vanderpump’s statements on it all weren’t well received either. Yet in true Bravo fashion, they must run these shows into the ground. Plus, this show draws in the younger demo that they love. So, after almost two years, we are going to give it another shot and show off the lesser racists and their spawn. So YAY!? They should have just given the Toms their own show.
Who Opens A Bar In The Middle Of A Pandemic?
Why do we need to start with the season preview? Why? The best part of this franchise is the theme song. Richardson is the new manager of Tom Tom since a few of the guys got the ax for Tweets they made years ago. Not surprisingingly, they hired a black manager as part of this show’s “We’re not the racist ones!” theme. The Tom’s take their motorcycle and sidecar to meet with Ken and Lisa about the timeline. Schwartz swears to us that he and Katie has sex for a couple of months to try to join the baby pact. I do not believe him for a moment. The Toms are opening their own restaurant and they haven’t exactly told Ken and Lisa yet. As if they would not already know that.
Ken claimed in the scene with just LVP that they were ready to open the following Wednesday. But, then, Ken tells The Toms that they don’t have any bartenders. Probably because most people don’t want to work for them because the don’t pay the staff properly? Their new bar is sort of nameless at the moment, (In college we often went to the No Name) that was a good dive bar. But, Sandoval wants to call it Swartz & Sandy’s. Katie tell Ariana that Swartz hates the name. I can already tell that Katie is going to be a problem with this new bar. LVP and Ken tend to be fine with it.
Aren’t California Sober People Mellow All The Time?
Apparently, SUR is open and no one is wearing masks at all. Because, California. I guess that is Charli who suddenly put her mask on to serve drinks. I didn’t even recognize Raquel. Then, LVP asked her about James. She says he is dropping by for a visit. Of course his mission is to DJ at SUR again. Which she will allow because that is his role on the show. But, first she has to lecture him because that it is her role on the show. She is pissed at James for comments he made to her son on social media. He sent a whole ton of texts to Max calling him a fat prick and other nastiness. So is he sober? Apparently, James and Max had a huge argument at a restaurant and caused a scene.
Scheana has had her baby, Summer Moon, with Brock and the two of them have an apartment in Hollywood which I suspect is just for filming. Of course Scheana claims he is the one. He’s really like the 19th. The we are treated to home video of Lala giving birth which she describes as “my kid basically slipped out of the cookie.” She’s also written a book where she shared things like … she secretly shoved Randall’s toothbrush up her ass when she was mad at him. Nothing about that sounds like something anyone would want to read. Apparently, Lala and Scheana are on the outs because Lala didn’t comfort her during her miscarriage. Lala went to dinner with Meagan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly instead.
With Friends Like That…
Sandoval and Ariana don’t have a baby crib in their bedroom. They do have a full-on bar replete with a cappuccino machine so they don’t have to plod all the way to the kitchen to make coffee. Everyone is getting ready to throw herself a birthday party at Tom and Ariana’s house. Meanwhile, Scheana is gossiping about all the trash Lala keeps talking about them. Scheana calls Ariana and tells her that on her virtual book tour Lala said about her relationship with Ariana, “It is what it is. She doesn’t care about me and I don’t give a fuck about her.” This surprises and pisses off Ariana. Ariana has always stuck up for and been friends with Lala.
LVP has summoned James to Villa Rosa to cross the swan shit bridge and make nice with Max. LVP sits them both down to broker a truce. Max says that James flipping out because he told them the restaurant charges $10 to spare a plate was bizarre and he thought the might be on drugs. He says he took some sort or workout pill that heightened his testosterone. Max points out that he took the same pill and was perfectly chill. James tries to apologize. Max says he has had enough of his apologies and he doesn’t want him at SUR. Suddenly, things escalate. Max leaves and James cries to LVP.
The Birthday Brawl
I haven’t seen a frame of this party yet and I already know it’s going to be a shitshow. Because, Bravo. Everyone arrives at Ariana and Sandoval’s house. Suddenly, I wonder if all the fired people are watching this and what they are thinking. Swartz has made three special cocktails. One is called Summer’s Eve. Only Schwartz would do that. And for some reason he is wearing a wig and a fake mustache? The wig is pink so I guess that was his tribute to the black and pink theme Scheana selected. Scheana has hired a magician. Is she six? It was a good magician.
Then on to the back yard for the Hibachi dinner. These bitches do not need to be around knives. Katie tells Sandoval she wants to work in the new restaurant. Then she tells Sandoval that they have to change the name. Sandoval pulls Schwartz aside and says Katie needs to STFU and start butting into their business decisions. Then Scheana goes to talk to Lala. Suddenly, they are both crying. Then they hug it out. Raquel comforts Lala and then sort of turns her in her bizarre way. The next thing you know Ariana is telling Lala that she just raged about her on a podcast. They start screaming at each other and Lala storms off to go home to her baby. She probably cried more at dinner than the baby did with the night nurse.
Next time, Katie continues to come between The Toms and interfere with their business. Everyone goes on a road trip to Palm Springs.
Well? What did you think?