Apologies in advance for the delay in this Below Deck Med recap. There is a two hour Hell’s Kitchen tonight and a two hour episode of Bachelor in Paradise. Both are my guilty pleasures that I don’t have to recap. So, I will be doing my recap later tonight on the 11 pm showing or possibly tomorrow morning. I’m already struggling to stay awake. But sometimes I rally later on at night and am up late. Lather, rinse, repeat. Alright, I’m ready to go finally. Lots of weirdness happening at the shack. But, we’re all good over here.
Red On Deck!
Last week’s Below Deck Med recap must have been an absolute mess. I was distracted by Banjo and totally missed the whole fat stripper suit scene. I remember wondering why Nanette sent me that photo since I never saw the scene. I’ll probably just drop in here this week somewhere for fun. Yeah, I probably should have watched last week’s episode again before recapping this episode. Because, I don’t remember half of this stuff. I just looked up what red on deck means. I still don’t get it. Apparently, it just means the left side of the bow. Anyway, the weather is horrible.
Wait, AFTER they all have to change cabins due to some imaginary rule that males and females can’t share a cabin, Katie wants to send the new stew home? And suddenly, this is Katie’s decision even though she wasn’t allowed to send Lexi home even though she sucks as a person? The girl has never been a stew before. How about teaching her something! The deckhands LOVE the new girl, Deloni. She’s quite the THOT on Instagram. The guests all have very different picky food preferences, but they all seem satisfied with Mat’s cuisine. He is really quite good at his job.
Fire In The Hole?
Katie asks the deckhands to put on firemen suits and do a little striptease for the ladies. They loved it even though David was not particularly arousing. Zee seemed to really get into it. He did a full on lap dance. Then the deckhands challenge the guests to a game of beer pong. They are all totally shitfaced before the beer pong game even starts. The women are all over the deckhands and loudly announcing who swallows and who doesn’t. Because, classy. Malia goes up to rescue her deckhands before they are sexually assaulted.
Mat is pissed that he has to sleep in a musty cabin with Marten. Malia should have just gone down and bunked with her boatmance, Jake the engineer. I’d don’t think we have ever seen Malia on any season where she wasn’t fucking someone on the boat. She managed to do all of that off camera this season. Mat is also basically cooking one handed. His hand is very badly burnt. And one of the guests wanted her own individual entrée but had to take her piece of fish off a family style plate. THE HORROR. It’s not like they aren’t all demanding different dietary restrictions. Otherwise, they would all get the same entrée! People find the dumbest things to bitch about.
Say My Name, Say My Name!
Lexi is actually being nice to Deloni and teaching her how to do laundry and beds. Courtney complains about Deloni who is basically doing half of Lexi’s work. Why does she care? At least SOMEONE is doing Lexi’s work! I literally thought I had Delaney’s name wrong, so I went back and changed it above. Now, I realize that the other stews are calling her by the wrong name. She even answers them with her real name on the walkie talkie. I’m having a good day. The sun is shining. I have a glass of wine. But for some reason this episode is really irritating me and the recap is taking forever!
The sun is also shining on the boat! So they can finally use the slide and the water toys. Yes. Get the off the boat. Lloyd has made massive improvements to the slide. But something is wrong with one of the jet skis. David didn’t properly tighten the plugs. Malia tries to cover for her crew and Sandy gets pissed off. They have been perfect all season. Sandy needs to chill her jets. Now they want a beach picnic. The people never seem to understand that the beaches don’t have sand in that part of the world unless they are staying at a resort that brings it in. So basically they are going to sit on rocks.
A White Party For The Amish People?
Never in the history of the show has the crew worn white for the charter guests “white parties.” The deck crew is wearing their whites. But the interior crew is cutting up some ugly white dresses to wear. I don’t see the need for this. They could and should just wear their whites as well. Delaney continues to do Lexi’s job for her with a smile on her face. And Katie still wants to ditch her. It’s raining on the white party and the deck crew gets soaked. One of the bitchy guests who didn’t her special entrée says the charter has been a four out of ten for her. I hate people like this.
Mat really doesn’t want Delaney to stay. He wants his room back, and she’s another person splitting the tip. What they should do is fire Lexi who just eats chips out of her bra while watching Delaney do her job. That’s who doesn’t deserve a tip. I literally forgot Courtney was on the show. She’s barely been on this episode at all. And it looks like Katie is going to bite the bullet and send Delaney home. I hate these people.