Hi guys! Before we get to this Below Deck Med recap, I’d like to apologize to those of you who emailed me today. I haven’t gotten to them yet. The depression is bad over here and I am up all night and sleeping all day. On top of everything else, my site requires more backend attention than usual, or maybe it just feels that way. I also feel bad for the things I thought before Banjo rescued me.
There was this teacher at school whose dog died and she took a week off. I was clueless. My thought at the time was…just go get another one. I had no idea how hard this is. Even since then, my imaginary husband implied that I didn’t know what was coming. And I didn’t have a clue. I haven’t slept in my own bed for years because I needed to be in the room with him. Anyway. The prednisone is really helping him and I am trying to find ways to get him more. ON TO THE SHOW!
The Morning After
Many of you have said you are not watching because of Malia and Captain Yawn. Production must have talked to them because they are humans this season. Captain Yawn still sucks, just not as much. And Malia is ….wait for it…. Extremely likeable as is all the cast except for Lexi. You are missing a good season. Poor David. He is in love with Malia. I KNOW! But she is very likeable this season. Zee’s parents have a house on the ocean and he is inviting Courtney there. Eleven hours before the next charter guests arrive they are all drunkenly trying to get to bed. David tries to carry Courtney to her bed, but can’t so she ends up in Malia’s bed.
It’s a new day and everyone feels like shit. Courtney was up puking all night on Malia’s bed. Lloyd wakes up the next day to the camera where he talks about how open he feels with this crew and sharing that he is 90% straight and how he was previously gay bashed by a captain. Malia pretends like David’s profession of love did not happen. David is happy he at least took his shot. The charter guests are repeats from another season. They drink a lot and want an Octoberfest themed cruise. Mat googles German recipes. Lexi is still a bitch. Mat continues to impress Micromanager Yawn.
Here Come Da Fuzz
The guests arrive with the men wearing Alcohol Now t-shirts. In my current situation, I’m down with that idea. The guests say on their last trip they drank 69 bottles of booze in seven days. Malia gets more experience driving the boat. Courtney is on service and she loves it. Laundry sucks. Sorry. I am just sort of zoned out. I promise to try and do better. It’s just been a lovely episode so far. Things are going great until the cops show up. Has this ever happened before? Apparently, it is just a warning for the guests who are speeding too close to the shoreline. It seems there were complaints by the beach goers. I keep wanting to call the cops about the speeding on my short little street. It’s very dangerous and there are always kids walking around. But, I am trying really hard not to be the cranky old lady. Truthfully, I am the cranky old lady.
Lexi continues to moan and complain about being on laundry. She thinks she is the “Cinderella” of the boat. That’s just because you suck as a person, Lexi. Mat is a bit concerned about the German theme. The guests are so much they won’t even notice. Courtney and Zee are in love. They both feel the same about each other but they don’t know that yet. I wish I had some cauliflower soup. Lexi claims that the cabins are done, but she did a crap job. The charter guests are blowing through all the booze. How is that possible? I would think they would have a ton of booze available. The guests want less German food.
Lexi Continues To Suck At Everything
I mean, first she complains about being on laundry and now she is pissed that she has to be on service because she can’t tolerate Mat. Does she think she should be able to select the crew? Really? She is an awful human. Lloyd gets to drive the boat. I do appreciate that Captain Yawn allows the deckhands to learn new things. Lexi sucks at service. She doesn’t know the difference between a cappuccino and a latte. The guests don’t even have plates. I’m starting to wonder if this is all production. No one is as bad as Lexi at everything if she has all this “experience.” Mat has to step in with service. WOW.
Captain Yawn, micromanager in chief, is now micromanging, Malia. WTF? Captain Lee would never. Is this production trying to break up the scissor sisters? Lexi was apparently busy taking selfies, or photos or whatever so she never set the table for breakfast. How can you “forget” that guests need plates and cutlery for breakfast? The guest play the beer Olympics. I feel like I would be good at this game except for all the swimming. Conveniently, the crew has medals for them. #Production. The guest complain about Lexi not finishing their rooms. #Production. Katie complains about Lexi AGAIN. Captain Yawn blames Katie. SERIOUSLY?
Next week: Service gets worse. Will Lexi actually get the boot?