Y’all, I’m on the struggle bus where small things make me overly emotional. Apparently, this Shahs of Sunset recap is the season finale? I really want more. How have we already had thirteen episodes??? This has been the best season in years. Again sorry for the delay. Banjo is hungry and I am having to cook for him because I need to go buy dog food and I just can’t seem to get my shit together these days. When you are sad, everything else that happens is sadder. So, I am overly sad this season is over.
Everyone is very hungover as they set out on a fly fishing trip. I used to love fishing. I can do everything except take the fish off the hook. Thus, I haven’t been fishing in ages because, no man. LOL. Golnesa appears to still be drunk. Better still drunk than hungover I always say. My liver would like to vote disagreement. I have no idea what Mercedeh is wearing. Nema is enjoying peeing in the woods. So at least someone is happy. ON WHAT PLANET IS FLY FISHING CATCH AND RELEASE!? What’s the point of just terrorizing the fish rather than eating them? Trout are yummy!
This entire scene is ridiculous. They are all standing shoulder to shoulder trying to fly fish. I am not amused. They eventually wade out into the water and two old people in a boat nearly avoid death by fish hooks. I feel like the the whole catch and release thing will not be an issue due to the lack of the whole catching part. Mercedeh is on the phone with Tommy. I love him. He says Baby Shams doesn’t give at shit if she is home or not. LOL.
Golnesa Is On The Pot
They are going to have a pot infused dinner where everyone has a to dress as their spirit animal according to Golnesa. This is the Shahs ridiculousness that I love. I love that Reza’s spirit animal is the hyena. I’m still half asleep. But I am loving this pot infused dinner. Everyone is high and is reading their spirit animal qualities. They all fit each other perfectly. They even all agree with their spirit animal. What is your spirit animal? I think mine is the sloth. When we get to Mike, who is a bat allegedly, there is something about him remaining faithful and Reza starts cracking up. This is the best obnoxious dinner party game ever. I think I am the bear, like Golnesa. Who are you? Anyway, Mike gets all pissed off at Reza for laughing about him being faithful. Really Mike have you ever been faithful in your life?
Then after a costume change, Destiney (why do I not hate her this season? How is she the voice of reason?) is back and confronts Mike for not being truthful. He storms off as he does when confronted with FACTS. Meredeh goes after Mike and they have a drink at the bar. Oh did I not mention this place has a bar? She tells Mike that while his intentions are good, his actions betray them and he has broken Paulina’s heart. Fun Fact. Paulina is still with this guy. The things we do to be on TV. Mike at least acknowledges that he seeks attention from Internet whores. And that it is a problem. He says he needs to learn how to fight that temptation. Oh please. Is keeping your dick in your pants and not sexting really that hard? Heh, hard. Mike says he and Paulina are on a break. Mercedeh respects his honesty.
Burning Up Negative Energy
Despite Mike storming off the production schedule continues. Metsley, a spirtual guide comes to do the famous Bravo burn what you want to get rid of thing. For the millionth time. Sometimes it is a fire, sometimes they release a balloon. I’m bored. Until, Golnesa sets Destiney’s hummingbird outfit on fire. Is this the worst editing ever? I though she changed out of that? Maybe she got a coat. But, anyway, Golnesa literally set her on fire. London of course gives a long speech. She was good for a hot minute but now she is like that new girl on Southern Charm who thinks she is there to educate everyone. Or Eboni from RHONY. Me no likee.
The next morning, MJ and Reza talk. They think Mike is lying. I think it is 11:05 when I write this. These are facts. Mercedeh tells Reza that Paulina and Mike are on a break. They talk about how Mike’s relationship is likely over. The group has a steak breakfast. Probably a good idea. I love Shervin. He needs to be full time, Bravo! Mike opens up for perhaps the first time. Mike says that he is afraid of losing Paulina. Of course Reza betrays Mercedeh’s confidence and announces Mike and Paulina are “on a break.” I “know” Mercedeh I don’t think she would have told Reza unless production told her to.
Mike denies it. Mike admits he thrives off the attention of Internet whores. Golnesa says that if he knows he has that addiction, he needs to let Paulina go. He sort of admits that he is still texting with other women. At least he is admitting it. The trip end on the good foot. But before we leave, Reza writes a letter to Tommy. Whatever dude. I wouldn’t let my wife around you let alone my kid.
BEST SEASON EVER!
Sorry had to do some things with Banjo. Golnesa finally bought a house. I love has this cast actually waits until they can AFFORD a house before buying one. I actually enjoyed Destiney this season. Finally, I think she had finally settled in the show. The only cast changes I would make would be to make Shervin fulltime. I can’t stand Reza but he kind of needs to be there. Ditto, Mike. Mercedeh gives Tommy the letter from Reza. Tommy rips up the letter without reading it. GOOD. FOR. HIM. Tommy is always right. Mercedeh is too quick to forgive Reza. Reza is a POS.
THE REUNION LOOKS FANTASTIC!