Sabbat Shalom! It’s the “Black Sabbat” RHONY recap where the black friend was excluded! YAY! Sonja has a date. And Luann wants to have a snowball fight. YAY!? I’m kind of crabby tonight because some idiot women have banged on my door for two days in a row now while I am trying to sleep. Today they came twice. I have yet to open the door. They looked very “perky.” I imagine they either want to invite me to church, or they are campaigning for some political candidate. This is not the hood for knocking on random doors. IJS.
OH YAY! Here we go! I’m sort of offended by this whole conversation between Leah and Eboni. Personally, I think Leah is appropriating another culture just to piss off her mother. She’s like a thirteen year old. How is Michael Lorber spending so much time with Ramona and letting her do open houses for extremely expensive properties when she doesn’t even have a license? Grrrr. See I told you I was crabby. I got my license on the first try when I was 19 or 20. I’m a very good test taker and told my mother after I took it that I failed. The Georgia licensing test was very obscure with things you would never need to know. Why is Ramona wearing a handbag while doing the walk through? And hitting Michael? And she can’t shut up. I need more wine.
Eboni meets with a genetic investigator to continue her search for her father. I was just going to ask why this is necessary due to all the mail-in DNA tests that will tell you about any relatives that have taken the test. But, before I can type that she says that the did do Ancestry and no close relatives were found. The genetic investigator looks at the results and finds a couple of close relatives. She says she may no something for her in a little as a week.
Sonja’s date didn’t go very well in my opinion. If he is loaded, I think Sonja could do it. But he talks about surgeries at a dinner date in gross detail. And spews his drink from his mouth when they toast. Keep your spittle in your mouth! It’s a pandemic! Sonja says he looks nothing like his photo. And he doesn’t. Sonja doesn’t drink on the date. For once, a drink or two would have been in order.
All the girls get ready for Black Sabbat. Leah calls to say she will Zoom in because she was exposed to Covid and has to quarantine. I’ve never been invited to a Sabbat but, I would dress like I was going to church. Sonja is in a sequined minidress with some sort of weird tail. What is wrong with these people? Don’t they own a simple long-sleeved camel cashmere dress That’s mid-calf length or something? Ramona wears a short zebra dress. Luann wears on of her sparkly cabaret dress with a slit up to her hoo-haw. Since this is a Jewish think, Jesus can’t even come take the wheel! When they arrive at the stunning home, Luann starts a snowball fight with the girls. This does not bode well for this evening. I predict Ramona will nod off at the table and Sonja will put the moves of a Rabbi.
The hostess, Archie, is also in a silver sparkly dress. So. Whatever. The three black guests are the only ones who are appropriately dressed. The decor of the huge home in Jersey is like a museum of dogs. It’s weird. I loved the dog statues on the porch. But then, once inside, it all became way too much. Also, I Googled whether it was Sabbat or Shabbat and was told it was Sabbat (but pronounced with the h). But the Jewish lady has huge napkins, or maybe it is a prayer book at each setting that spell it with the H. So now I am already confused about tonight’s lesson in Judaism. Ramona can’t stop commenting on the “very eclectic table scape.” She “kinda likes it.” I kinda don’t. Ah, Ramona namedrops her “best friend” Michael Lorber (the realtor we saw earlier) as her Jewish friend.
This Is Going To Be A Trainwreck
Sonja already starts talking about her ex-husband. Eboni says that she and Sonja get along because they are both introverts. I don’t think they know what that word means. They are both loud and never STFU. Production plays a quick roll of scenes with Sonja being anything but an introvert. Ramona is suddenly the expert Challah. Leah is already having technical issues and interrupting the hostess. Archie and one black man are the only Jews as this sabbat. So much for my Jewish lesson. Archie is very odd. And the black man is very softspoken and reserved and is looking for a reason to run from these lunatics.
Ramona announces that she was once engaged to a Jewish man who wanted her to convert. She took all the classes but he never recognized her accomplishment. So she dumped him. I do not believe a single word of this story. Leah’s Hebrew prayer song was quite emotional. It doesn’t take much to get my allergies riled up these days. Archie points out that the Jewish people and Black people share the struggles of centuries of oppression. It’s the first intelligent comment of the evening. So, of course Ramona has to interject and talk about the Italians. Just be quiet, Ramona. But, no. She says, “How about when I went to college and Jewish people hated me?” Girl, read the room. This is not about you.
Ramona Drives The Sabbat Train Right Into The Ditch
Ramona storms out because no one is listening TO HER? Good Grief woman! You literally interrupted the hostess to insist on making it all about you! I feel like she needs the instructions I gave my second graders. You have two ears an one mouth so that you will listen twice as much as you speak. Someone at her age should have definitely had some etiquette training. Or at the very least basic HOME TRAINING! Was she raised by wolves? She is infuriating and is ruining something that I really wanted to learn more about. Why am I not surprised. Ramona says SHE. IS. BEING. DISCRIMINATED. AGAINST. Quite frankly, as much as I despise the term, this is the appropriate time for Eboni to bring up “white fragility.”
Archie asks if she should go after Ramona. Luann says that might be best. Archie says she can go “apologize for the Jews!” I can’t with this either. “The Jews” are not responsible for Ramona’s “college trauma” because people didn’t like her. And I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM AGREEING WITH LEAH, but I doubt very many people liked her in college because she is self-centered and entitled and demeaning and rude and doesn’t listen! Luann convinces her to give Ramona a minute. Ramona comes back in screaming. These three black people look like they want to be ANYWHERE but in this shit show. They are pretending to read their prayer books and probably praying at the same time.
The Train Has Wrecked And I Am Dead
Dear LORD! It keeps getting worse. Ramona now says she cried at night because she wished she was Jewish. Wait, I thought thirty minutes ago you said you converted! The Sonja blurts out, “Can we please listen to ‘the blacks and the Jews”. I mean, Sonja means well and now “the blacks” have drained their drinks except for the poor pregnant lady. And they are laughing and looking for a bartender. Eboni is horrified. And I am too and I am not even there!
Then, Ramona demands that they bring out her “first course.” Archie points out that they are not doing Sabbat so it’s not time. BECAUSE RAMONA WON’T STFU! Ramona gets up and goes into Archie’s kitchen looking for food because she hasn’t eaten all day. She at on the entire bus ride there! She goes into the kitchen and starts demanding food from the staff. They were literally plating the food when she got there. No one can possibly this ill-mannered in real life, can they?
Next Week: We MAYBE get to see a Sabbat? And Eboni’s researcher found three possible fathers for her. I’m not sure if I can take anymore of Ramona at Sabbat. My blood pressure is sky high from this episode. Jackie Hoffman and Dorinda are on WWHL tonight. I ADORE Jackie Hoffman. I’ll update in comments.