Y’all, I am so not ready for a RHOP recap tonight, or the Shahs one, or the Big Brother one. I’m in a really strange headspace. This used to happen when I was a kid in Libya. I’d tell myself it was a “quiet day.” I don’t really know how to explain it. But, I think I was processing my childhood traumas. I was also worried that my mother might notice. So, I used to go outside the walls of our villa and dig in the sand. One day I found an ancient artifact that is still in a museum in Tripoli. Anyway, I am fine, I’m just sort of out of it and in slow motion kind of. It’s really a pleasant change from being depressed and anxious. I feel calm and sort of in slow motion. Yes, I know I have the crazy. I haven’t done any setups so recaps will be slower and probably less interesting. Apologies.
Babies, Babies Everywhere!
Fuck. I forgot to feed Banjo. He’s not doing too great and doesn’t remind me anymore. Usually, at six o’clock on the dot, he looks at me with an expression that says, “Bitch? Where is my dinner?” Not anymore. Sorry for all the oversharing but it is probably going to happen a lot tonight. I’m struggling to focus. Anyway, Ashley and Michael bring the baby home. How does she still look so pregnant? The baby is adorable. His big brother is adorable too. Mia’s kids are adorable too. They go on a family picnic. The plotline is that Mia works to much. Also, her mother doesn’t want to be involved with the kids.
Cute scenes with Gizelle and Ashley and the babies. And some poop stories. Candiace is in charge of the first trip to Williamsburg. She “forgot” to invite Ashley. Ashley says she might come for a day. Gizelle catches Ashley up on the Pajama Jam. She goes on to trash Mia for her behavior at that event. Lines have been drawn. As I told you, Mia is the new Monique. Lots of family scenes this episode. We see Wendy and her (allegedly) cheating husband. These reports are from sites that get paid to post lies. IMHO. On the other hand, Wendy is weird. I’d cheat on her. IJS. And with all of her degrees Wendy doesn’t know that she needs to do research her business name and trademark it. And take the steps to start a company. I only have two degrees and I was able to do that without a man. I’m just saying.
And Off We Go!
I know y’all hate Robin but I love her and her depression and her friendship with Gizelle. Mia joins them for lunch. Don’t they hate Mia? They will never be on her side. Mia has a sad story about being sent to foster care because her home situation was violent. Her mom was a drug addict. Mia is slowly working on mending that relationship. Robyn refers to Juan as her husband and says that both of Juan parents died from AIDS due to heroin addictions. Wow. Mia says he day died from AIDS also. That was kind of my first pandemic during high school. I was super scary. There was so much we didn’t know. Yet these two are going to hate on her all season anyway.
They ladies take a party bus to Williamsburg. Why does Candiace need a microphone? Wendy shows up in some sort of outfit for a teenaged rap fan. Gizelle is as confused as I am. Karen snubs Gizelle. Wendy know how to drop it like it’s hot and twerk. Who knew? They all fail at the stripper pole. I’m kind of shocked by how much they suck. Except for Mia who was decent, but not as good the others seemed to think. Candiace announces who will be in what house with her stupid microphone. Karen has to go to some event recognizing her in her hometown. She has invited Wendy of all people to join her. And Mia.
Welcome To Williamsburg, And The Room Selection Drama
The house in Williamsburg is stunning. They have a private chef. Its really quite lovely. I love Gizelle’s blunt cut wig. I have kinky hair so I covet straight hair. Back in the day, I used to iron my hair on an IRONING BOARD. True facts. The women in the main house pick their rooms. But Robyn wants to change Mia’s room so that Gizelle can be on the same floor with her. WTF? I swear, I’d be like put me in the cottage, y’all all pick your rooms and I’ll take whatever is left. I’m not picky about this kind of petty shit. I’d be a terrible housewife.
Something is dying outside my house. Or maybe it’s a owl. Banjo and I are both unsettled. I hate birds and sometimes there are some really HUGE ones in my yard. Mia doesn’t seem to care. Gizelle wants to know if there is anyone that would like to apologize. She means Karen. Karen thinks she is she is owed and apology by Gizelle. And BTW, Pastor Holy Whore did have a whole ass baby with someone else. AND, he doesn’t take care of the bajillion kids he already has. Karen points out that Gizelle is living a lie. Again, true facts. Next week, more drama. and Ashley shows up for a day to stir the pot even more. Wendy goes off on the green eyed bandits.