OMG! I am all set for this RHOBH recap but did not do setups for Family Karma! Argh! I totally forgot that was tonight. I need a ladysitter! Okay here we go, I am still behind on Family Karma but lets get these bitches off to La Quinta, Garcelle, Erika and Crystal are apparently staying at a hotel rather than Kyle’s house. That seems weird but if it means we get less Crystal around my girls Sutton, I am all for it. I had no idea this was a triple recap night, I’ve just been fucking around all day.
Off To La Quinta
Thankfully they are not wasting any time getting on with the trip. It’s funny that Erika’s “clubhouse” is being emptied out because it is “an expensive she doesn’t need.” That was where she stayed on many nights. Allegedly. And she was not alone. Allegedly. I guess now her gentleman callers can come to the new fancy mansion. OMG. Erika is going to whine about “being on a budget.” THERE ARE ALLEGEDLY $36 million in her account. She really thinks she is going to sell this narrative because most of the hard stuff didn’t come out until either the very end of filming or after. This all makes her look ridiculous.
Kathy wants to know if there is a bellman to carry in her luggage to her sister’s house. Kathy did apparently have a driver. I thought she said she drove herself, but I must have misunderstood. Or maybe that was Dorit’s driver? Sorry I can’t look at the screen that much. Kyle, Rinna and Dorit learn that at least two million dollars of victim payments was stolen by Tom. They seem shocked. Is Kathy drinking out of a vase? I’m sort of over her highly calculated slapstick. Dorit knows what that is like. She’s had her accounts frozen as well. Also, Tom’s attorneys are about to claim he has Alzheimer’s disease.
Erika Arrives To Spin A Few More Tales…
Everyone flocks to hug Erika. Everyone cries for poor Erika. PULEASE. I know they don’t know what we know now at the time of filming, but still. Let’s wait and see if Erika every once this season says that she feels badly for the widow and children whose money was stolen. Kathy wants Erika to talk to Robert Shapiro. Erika says she knows Bob very well. That makes him suspect as well, Kathy. Erika said that Tom could not see or hear well. Girlfriend, that is not Alzheimer’s. Dorit tries to make it all about her. Sutton talked about her father’s suicide two days before Christmas. I love Sutton for being supportive. But I also know that her ex-husband was UBER wealthy and not a criminal. So it makes sense she might have signed things. Also he was not transferring millions of dollars into her multiple LLCs.
Erika is claiming she has not spoken to Tom at all. But that didn’t stop her from opening YET ANOTHER LLC that allegedly received MILLIONS of dollars from Tom and/or the firm. I love when Kyle says that she is making all this food for people who don’t eat. Rinna comes out in a sequined jumpsuit. Dorit helps Kathy get her luggage to the room. Kyle drops her spices. No one knows how to sweep. I cannot sweep or mop. My mother and sister used to always mock me. IT’S A REAL IMPARMENT! I know what it looks like, but she I try to model that, it doesn’t work. I am the worst housekeeper in the world. My mom used to show up at the most inopportune time and do that. I need a maid.
Erika Jayne Is SO CALCULATED
I love that Erika Jayne says that she will do anything to cleanse except go to confession. She’s southern. So it is HIGHLY unlikely she is Catholic. Tom says he is not paying spousal support. Probably because she is ALLGEDLY sitting on $36 million dollars. Erika says she doesn’t know if there is anything to get. Probably because she already has it all. Erika says he should turn in his bar card and stop practicing. Oddly enough, he was still giving very lucid speeches about this time. I don’t believe for a minute that she is no in communication with Tom. Rinna points out that Tom was very lucid the last time she talked to him a year earlier.
Now suddenly Tom is mean as fuck. She is now saying that Tom’s car accident which was much worse that she said at the time. I am not believing this and neither is Sutton. Then she says she assumed when he didn’t come home he was with some other woman. This is clearly throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks. I can’t with this. Seriously. Erika’s “you guys have no idea what I have been living through.” PLEASE. She had her own relationships. Allegedly. Now she is saying she went through his phone and found out he was cheating. This is all fiction. They ALLEGEDLY had an agreement. That was what her “clubhouse” was for ALLEGEDLY, for her liaisons.
Rinna manages to bring up Scott Disick. Because Rinna. And we get a fabulous midseason preview.