Just before I started setups for this Below Deck Med recap, I rolled the trash out to the curb and check the mail. I was HONKED at by a firetruck who was speeding past with lights but no sirens. I live on a short street. It connects on each end with other streets and one connects two busy streets. Still there is not much reason to use this street unless you are going someone on the street itself. Anyway, as I was working on setups, an ambulance sped by with lights and no siren. I hope everyone is okay. 🙁 At least it seems like love is in the air tonight on Below Deck Med, so let’s focus on the good stuff.
But Will There Be Birthday Sex?
Okay, I’ve only gotten through the quickie recap from last week, and I already feel my blood boiling with hatred for Lexi. I hate that Katie seems not to care about Lexi’s smarting off and complete disrespect of Mathew. She’ll figure out what a bitch Lexi is eventually. Malia, Katie and Lexi mocking Mathew is utterly disgusting. What is wrong with these bitches? Meanwhile the fun people are all in the smoking area and Courtney is not holding back when it comes to Zee. She’s calling him daddy and talking about her WAP. I hope she is on birth control. We don’t need another fatherless child created on a yacht. Zee is definitely hoping for birthday sex.
Lloyd is ready to release the goose. It’s not exactly what you might be thinking. Apparently, when he gets um, loose… he dances like a goose. Errr, as one does. They all decide to head off for a dance party in the master cabin. On the trip back the boys ride in one van and the girls in another. I’ve never seen this happen before. The guys are all rooting for Zee to get lucky with Courtney. The girls are all drunkenly spanking each other. Everyone seems blackout drunk and going nuts in the master cabin. This is not wise. I’m sure Captain Giant Yawn (I assume that is her middle name) won’t like this. Captain Lee would throw them all overboard.
Let Them Eat Cake
Courtney does some sort of Aussie white girl version of twerking on Zee. He seems to be enjoying it. Chef Mathew made Zee a birthday cake, because he is a nice guy. He does have some what I think are anxiety issues, (because I of all people should know) but he’s a softie at heart. Unless you are a little bitch that eats charter food in his galley and is completely disrespectful. David has the hots for Malia, his boss. Danger there Will Robinson! DANGER! He starts with feeding her cake. Everyone encourages Zee and Courtney to have birthday sex. But did they….?
Lexi is drunk on the floor and someone has to help her up as she stumbles off to bed. I think she was trying to call her mother. Look, I’m guilty of drunk dialing A LOT. But even if my mother was alive I would never do that. My drunk dialing is mostly limited to you guys, and generally it’s Nanette or “the fiancé” or both. I’m sure they are both changing their numbers as we speak. Oh Lexi finally gets her mother and she tells her to stop drinking. Lexi slurs “I haven’t drunken anything.” This is why you don’t drunk dial your mother. They always know everything before they even answer the phone. Malia smartly chugs a coconut water before bed. Lexi finally tells Malia that her father died three months ago. Malia is super sweet to her.
Roy Orbison Junior Makes A Return Appearance
The next morning, Courtney has no memory of the night before. Production tries to fill in some details. Roy Orbison Junior is the primary for the next charter, if you missed his first appearance, click here. And here. At the preference sheet meeting we learn the couple is bringing their kids ages 4 and 2, the nanny and some friends from Sweden. They were on charter last year with the very messy and rambunctious kids last year. They want water toys and the last time, they were on it was too windy for all of that. This group always does a short two day trip. And they are big tippers.
Lexi makes me want to slap her in her fresh mouth. She complains not stop and seems to think she is Matthew’s boss. She’s really an awful person to have to work with. Then she mumbles about having to work with him and she wants to strangle, HIM? Gurl. Have several seats. Katie seems to be picking up on this because she changes the duties for the stews. Lexi is being moved to breakfast and laundry. So she’s basically third stew now. This puts Courtney on dinner service with Chef Mathew. I wonder if he had a hand in this decision somehow. I also just realized his name has only one “T” and he wasn’t listed on the tags.
Fire In The Galley!
Courtney struggles to set of the cribs, allegedly. So Zee and David rush down to help her. Meanwhile, Lloyd tells Captain Yawn that he used to be a very good tennis player who trained at Wimbledon, but he missed out on a lot of his childhood so he quit. Why is this recap so long? Matthew is very excited about this trip. He loves Roy and fam and wants to impress them. So far, so good. Then after lunch, Mathew has a kitchen fire involving a pan of oil. And he puts it out with water? NO! You do not do that! Hit it with a bunch of flour! The grown folks take the babies on the Jetskis. The grown ups enjoy the waterslide. Captain Yawn loves the crew food.
Lexi continues to bitch about everything. Malia discovers her “burn list” which is essentially a list of people and things she hates. If I had a burn list, my first entry would be Lexi. I hope they have a backup stew for her. Lexi continues to whine about literally everything. She makes Captain Yawn and Malia look like sweethearts. Is that production’s plan? Now suddenly, Lexi is bitching about Katie. She bitches about EVERYONE. WOW! Mathew just let us know that despite cooking for tons of celebrities, he’s never had formal training. Roy O Jr. is completely shitfaced at dinner. Mathew is thrilled that Courtney is on dinner service. She’s fun. Someone asks the stews to please clean the toilet because Roy Jr has pissed all over the place. UGH.
The deck crew has to dock at night in high winds. Roy wants to jump in the water as they are docking. Meanwhile they are having problems with the lines. Someone need to physically take Roy Jr. to bed. Next week, there is are more drunken crew scenes, Lexi is still a PITA to Mathew and the crew has another drunken night. Mat wants to quit again and I do not blame him at all. YMMV. I have no idea why this recap is so long, or why it took forever. Sorry. 🙁