Tonight is only the second RHOP Recap of the season and there will already be conflict between the new girl, Mia and Wendy. I miss Monique already. But, I predict I will be riding with Mia and her side this season. But, let’s watch with an open mind. Sorta. LOL. UPDATE! IT IS RAINING SO HARD ATM I CAN BARELY HEAR MY TV. HERE COMES THE THUNDER AND LIGHTNING AND BARK IS FREAKING OUT. Sorry if this is more disjointed than normal. Looking at the new season, I am hoping that Mia beats Candiace’s ass. AGAIN. LOL at Mia thinking she can lie about her her age. I’m hoping that Candiace is still holding out in vain for more money that she never got. She also didn’t get the advance on her first payment she asked for. She’s totally the Kim Biermann of RHOP.
Anyway, we are back to Gizelle’s “hot box” and trip to Sing Sing. Karen says that Gizelle is called the First Lady From Hell For a reason. Mia sticks up for Gizelle even though she just met her five seconds ago. This completely contradicts what my exclusive told me. So I expect her to flop over to Karen’s side soon. Or maybe I misread something? We shall see. Karen says to give it five minutes and Gizelle will show her darkness to Mia. I’ve never really ridden with Karen and have been on the green-eyed bandits team. But this may change this season. Karen keeps mocking Robin’s fake engagement to whatshisname.
Wendy suddenly wants everyone to know she has a new ass. Even though she lied about it on the last episode. Sigh. I am already falling asleep. I’ve got the narcolepsy thing happening ladies, I slept all day and basically got for to tonight’s THREE recaps IN A FUCKING ROW. So let’s move on. I just skipped through to the ladies leaving Wendy’s place. I’m half and hour behind. Mia apparently lives in Baltimore. She loves her rich older husband. She has three kids, one from hubby one and two from the old man. He husband is retired and she runs her chiropractic companies. She doesn’t seem to get along with the old guy.
Things We Do Not Need To Know
Why are these episodes, supersized. I’m going to zip through Candiace’s fake scenes. It’s all bullshit. I do love the Ashley scenes. I know that is not popular here. But, I don’t care. She has cute kids and sure her husband is kind of a douche but she is not the first housewife to marry for money and have an arrangement. And, it’s really not that expensive to be Ashley. But Ashley has no serious legal charges against her. That said I am zipping through the whole anal sex thing. It’s not necessary to go in to such great detail about how you please your husband. No judgement. It’s just none of my business.
I’m so far behind on the longest night of the week and Banjo has to go out but it is POURING. This will not end well. Robyn mocks her BFF Gizelle on national TV. Gizelle is still acting like she still has a relationship with Jamal’s shady ass. She is making it seem like she broke up with him. Even Robyn doesn’t believe that. Gizelle is trying to be the Dorit of RHOP. As if that is something to aspire to. I have a few very expensive things. I can’t think of any of them that have the designer name blasted all over them.
Even More Weirdness
I do admit that I have on at least one occaision sported my Hermes scarf at the Whole Foods where I drive up in my 2007 Honda Civic. But there is no designer name on the scarf in big letters. And I see the acknowledgement in their eyes. I’m usually in sweats. But, I like the looks of confusion. Candiace has to phone in. I wonder if they paid her for that. This was probably taped after she returned to work. Skipping thought he Candiace Crap for time reasons. Karen wants to throw a “love party.” Wendy wants to open a candle business. Because that is a market that needs more product. I’m always saying, we need more scented candle businesses. They are so hard to find,
Ashely wants to eat her placenta. Whatever. I’ve never been pregnant and weird shit is happening these days. Then, Karen shows up with a placenta Oh wait, a scented candle, sorry as her invitations to the “love party.” Whatevia. Someone please send me a Whatevia gif. This is becoming the Karen show. She admits she didn’t even know what Sing Sing meant. She just thought it went well with “hot box.” Did ANY OF THESE PEOPLE PROGRESS PAST GRADE FOUR? I’m asking as a teacher because my second grade students were smarter than these bitches. Now my principal? He was totally this dumb. Everyone else gets their love lunch invitation. Candiace has brought in children to make her seem more human. The mother of these kids should never let this happen.
This Season Suck Donkey Dicks
None cares about Gizelle’s relationship with her children. We know FROM THEM she sucks as a mother. On to the Love Lunch. Mia and her husband arrive first. The whole point of this is for Karen to draw Mia into team Karen. And she does. Did the chef just say, “This is dessert?” No chef says that. They explain the dish. Candiace and Brown Dick actually show up. Candiace fondles Wendy’s new butt and greets Mia for the first time. As one does. Ashley is scheduled to arrive at any moment. Mia is asked about he clitioplasty (spellcheck agrees that is not a word) but Mia insists it is because she has so much sex with her elderly husband. Girl friend it my clit was not worn out in the 80s and 90s, yours will be just fine.
I’m a bit upset that Candiace didn’t hold out longer. She would not have gotten shit. But still, for me, try that shit again next season Candiace. Karen hates Mia for saying that her husband will probably be dead before she needs surgery. Or something. Y’all this is a fucking stupid show. I’m trying to follow in a torrential downpour and a dog trying his hardest not to go on the floor. Also, Wendy looks so different with all her surgeries and Mia is totally knew I can’t remember who is who in this drama. If EVERYONE COULD KEEP THE SAME FACE ON THESE SHOWS IT WOULD HELP ME A LOT. I HAVE ENOUGHT FACIAL RECOGITION SKILL. There are all sorts of rumors that Wendy was fired. I think she feels Mia is her replacement. Mia is SLAYING.
Ashley is host of the Happily Married Game… Because Michael did not attend. This is not something I care to reap. I do like the craziest place you have ever had sex question. Most of mine were with the same person who I feel like is dead now based on his erratic behavior. The top two or three were all with him. #1 On a golf course in broad daylight in a golf community that he lived in with multiple houses able to watch.
#2 Same guy on a car trip from Atlanta to the keys. He was drunk the whole way (I KNOW! we could have all died and then I forced him to pull over after he decided to stop at a strip club and we ended up on a Presidential property, one of the Bushes. We slept in the car but there were outdoor showers that I read in morning letting me know whose property we were on. Then in the Keys on the beach. #Sandhurts. I feel like I can leave this recap here. LOL.
Mia seems awful after this. I AM TRYING TO LIKE HER. But this was boring so I spiced it up for you.