They’re back! It’s finally time for a new RHOP recap! This season we welcome Mia Thornton. For more on Mia, and the drama in between seasons, click here. There you can find out who is broke and who is fighting with whom. Let’s just say that Mia is going to slide right into Monique’s shoes and I am here for it.
Production start off asking the women what last year was like. It was toxic. But apparently, we are going to begin by replaying all the most dramatic events from last season. Everyone seems skeptical of everyone else this season. Professor Wendy invites everyone to a “nude interlude” event in a video of her her doing a sexy dance. Ray seems to really appreciate it! LOL. He wants to know what he should wear, but Karen makes it clear he is NOT invited. Wendy also got some new titties she wants to show off and a tummy tuck that she is denying.
Checking In With The RHOP
Well fuck me. Banjo just politely wandered over the second I started working on back to back to back recaps that his dinner is over two hours late. Why didn’t he tell me this two hours ago? We are down the only the remains of the dehydrated dog food that take 20 minutes to rehydrate. He is not happy with me and I am already starting out behind. Grrr. Anyway, Ashley is is very pregnant again the baby should arrive in ten days. Her first son is adorable. Michael is a great dad. I know Michael is a bit on the creepy side, but I like this couple. Sue me.
Candiace’s broke ass has bought way more house than she needs or can afford. Allegedly, she is not paying this mortgage on her own. Chris’s kids appear to be living with them. Gizelle and “Pastor” Jamal shockingly are not going to last. Stevie Wonder saw that coming. Gizelle still hates Karen for letting the world know that Jamal had a whole ass baby with some other woman while they were dating. Candiace is all the way up Gizelle’s ass and it must be crowded in there with Robyn. Karen and Ray seem good in their marriage. They are about to do the Bravo curse and renew their vows. Karen points out to Ray that everything she said about Jamal was true. Production backs up Karen with FACTS from the bloggers. Robyn and Juan are still pretending they are going to get married. Juan wants a baby girl. Robyn is 41.
Wendy’s Nude Interlude
I don’t remember Wendy’s husband, but he reminds me of someone I used to date. He was a cheater. Wendy apparently lives way, way, way, outside of Potomac and much closer to Baltimore. Karen is bringing Mia to the party to introduce her to the girls. For more on Mia, click here. She is totally Team Karen. Candiace called in sick and the women think she is avoiding Karen. The real story as I said here, was that Candiace was trying to hold out for more money. It didn’t work. Poor Ashley’s feet are are so swollen she can’t fit in her shoes. Karen arrives last with Mia. And the gang is all there. Gizelle is pissed that Karen didn’t walk in the door and immediately apologize for telling the truth about Jamal. Why should she?
This is a supersized show, and so far, there really hasn’t been much to say. But, it is dinner time and that means there will be brawling. Mia lives in a penthouse on the Baltimore Harbor. She also has a home in North Carolina. Her husband is 38 year older than her. Allegedly. He’s actually 32 years older. How doe she not know this? She’s shady already. I like it. Wendy talks forever to get to the point that she has had a ton of surgery. Wendy loves to talk about herself. Then she finally reveals the titties. She says she got some tweaks. Now she has a butt, and a flat tummy and something done to her face.
Time To Finally Get To Dinner
Right away Wendy comes for Mia about what work she has had done. She says, “Everything! And I own it!” I love Mia already. She rattles off the list of her surgeries which is literally everything. Then, she says she had “her clit worked on” and I instinctively grab my crotch in pain. MY GOD WHY? Don’t answer that Mia, we don’t need to know! Wendy asks for another drink. I think I need one too.
The ladies think that Candiace didn’t show up because she didn’t want to see Karen. But, TT readers know that she was trying to hold out for more money. Ashley admit that he and Candiace just do not mesh. But, Wendy says she hopes they can all be one cohesive group. Gizelle says that won’t be happening because she cannot stand Karen. Um, okay girl, way to lay it out there. Karen says the feeling is mutual. Gizelle says she will just lay Karen’s truth right out there. She’s gonna tell her drunk truth, her cheating truth, and her broke truth. She says she will spread it out (over the season).
Karen asks Gizelle if she wants to talk about her fiery box that is on fire and that is why she can’t keep a man! WTF? Gizelle says that Karen is obsessed with her WAP because here box is dry and dusty. Again, do these people not understand proper dinner table conversations? Because this is not it! She says that Ray’s dick is broke. Karen shoots back that Jamal dick is in everyone’s vagina. Gizelle says, “At least it works.” Really? This is really happening? Karen says that Gizelle is a broken whore from Hampton University and everybody knows it.
To Be Continued….