I am so psyched about the premiere of my favorite reality show. I am said I did not get to watch it live, but Wednesday nights are the busiest nights of the week here. I’m to exhausted to do an in detail recap. But, I know if I lie down to watch it I will be out like a like so I’ll just make random interjection here for now.
This is the best house EVER! They did a complete remodel. Fuck I guess I am recapping. I’m so excited!
Let’s Meet The Guys
Travis is from Hawaii and is a startup sales consultant. He’s a white surfer boy. He’s athletic. He graduated from a top college in three years and seems to be the total package. He’s good looking, tall, athletic and smart. Are they not giving us ages this year?
Derek is from Philadelphia he is a “global safety assistant” Yeah, I don’t know either. His father was Smokin’ Joe Frazier! Derek is a big guy and if I had to guess I’d say he is our gay hamster this season. Yep he just said he’s gay. (likely recruit)
Frenchie is a farmer from Clarksville Tennessee. He’s married and has three kids. He’s the first superfan so far. He is smarter and more athletic than he looks. He’s former military. I like him.
Xavier is a lawyer from Milwaukee Wisconsin. He is tall dark and handsome and you guys know I love me an attorney. YES! HOLY FUCK! That body is perfection. I can’t wait to be the old creepy lady watching this one sleep on the live feed. lol.
THE FIRST COMPETITION!
So the first four guys head out to the super nice Vegas themed backyard to compete in a challenge. The winner gets a special power and also a chance to compete for HOH. I am not really sure what the fuck they are doing. It’s a matching posters thing but seems really complicated to my Covid Brain. I can’t imagine trying to figure this out while being on Live TV after weeks of quarantine. Frenchie wins and Derek was right behind him.
Let’s Meet The Girls
Azah is from Tacoma Park, Maryland. She is a beautiful first generation American from Cameroon. She ha some good hair. He father is one of 47 children. ?! Oh Lord, she’s a Pastor’s kid. She says no hooking up but she is totally going to steal my man Xavier. He’s to fine to resist.
Britini is a future teacher from Niagra Falls, NY, who just graduated from college after completing two undergraduate degrees at the same time in three year and just completed her Masters. She was also valedictorian of her class. She is also a badass in martial arts. She a three time world champion and 4th degree black belt. Oh and she has autism. Let’s just give her the check now.
Alyssa is from Sarasota Florida. She sells swimsuits and has troubles hiding her emotions. Me too, girl. The emotions thing not the swimsuit thing.
Whitney is from Happy Valley Oregon. Gag. She a makeup artist and mother of two boys. She has horrible taste in men. She totally wants a showmance. Just stay away from Xavier.
THE SECOND COMPETITION
Do we really have to do this? Britini is going to win. BUT SHE DOESN’T! Whitney did. And it didn’t look to me like Britini threw it.
THE LAST FOUR GUYS
Kyland is a super athletic account executive from Venice Beach. He also is involved in charity work. One of his charities brings urban kids to ranches to experience horse back riding and rural lifestyles. He is mixed race black and Mexican.
Christian is from Connecticut. He’s a general contractor’s assistant. He’s 23 and is dorky in a cute way. He will be the one to keep everyone’s spirits up. He’s hoping his curly locks will earn him a showmance. They might just do that.
The Second Derek is Asian and from Maryland and does something with online cooking influencers that helps to turn their recipes into meal kits. My brain is full. He’s smart, athletic and cute.
Brent is a flight attendant from Rhode Island. That is literally all he said before I immediately started to hate him. He needs to be the first one out tonight.
The Third Competition: These guys seemed to struggle the most but Christian won.
THE LAST FOUR GIRLS
Sara Beth is a chemist from Fort Meyers, FL. Don’t let the baby voice fool you she’s really smart. OMG. She has told everyone she is a voice actress. Smart move.
Hannah is from Chicago and she is a professional student (that is what my parents used to call me) She graduated from college at 19 and just kept on getting degrees it seems. She doesn’t plan to lay all her degrees on the table in the house. She’s just going to tell them she is a student majoring in fashion. she may be smarter than Britini.
Claire is from NYC and she is an artificial intelligence engineer. They are not playing around intellectually this season. She is very strategic. And seems to be a superfan. There are maybe two of them this season. She thinks a showmance is a good strategic move. She’s bisexual so everyone is an option for her.
Tiffani is from Detroit and owns her own phlebotomy business. She is 40 and is very athletic. She plans to win all the physical comps. She the third superfan that I see in a field of recruits.
The Last Competition was won by Claire!
The four winners are now team captains and must chose their teams for the season, or for now. The giant slot machine is really doing the choosing. The machine gives each captain two choices for each pick.
Team Frenchie: THE JOKERS: Azah, Britini, Black Derek
Team Whitney: THE ACES: Brent, Asian Derek, Hannah
Team Christian: THE KINGS: Alyssa, Xavier, Sarah Beth
Team Claire: THE QUEENS: Kyland, Tiffany, Travis
THE FIRST HOH!
Wow the person who wins HOH each week keeps their entire team safe from elimination. Frenchie and TEAM JOKERS WON. They are already my favorite team. The Queens were second, Aces were in third. Kings are HAVE NOTS for the first week.
I love this season already. The winner this year gets $750,000. Off to watch live feeds. #Yawn