By Guest Recapper Nanette
This double Married To Medicine recap is very late. (It will be short because of injuries.) Even this late, it’s important to wrap up the penultimate and finale episodes leading into the THREE-part reunion. Because the M2M dramatic magic happens at the reunions. We will see later tonight whether it will be good magic — like teaming up to help save Simone and Cecil’s marriage. Or the shady kind — like Mariah coming after Dr. Damon with (never produced) receipts.
Fantasy Island, Reality Check
Miraculously, following the verbal ruckus in the RV between Heavenly and Lisa Nicole, the ladies arrive at the gorgeous Jekyll Island Club Resort without any missing body parts. In what may be a Bravo first, there are no fights over rooms. Jackie helps Heavenly unpack. The dentist packs enough candy — and her ever-present maxi pads — to fill an entire suitcase. Jackie explains to Heavenly how her “joking” has deeply hurt Toya and urges her to apologize. The next morning on the beach, Kari and Lisa discuss putting a giant dead horseshoe crab under Heavenly’s pillow. They think it’s a stingray. Fourth-grade science fail — the “smart team” may want to rethink its invitation to the “intelligent one” Kari.
At the pool, apart from others, Heavenly and Toya hash out some deep hurt feelings and appear to come to a positive resolution. Both ladies apologize and vow to be supportive of each other. (Spoiler alert: Not so supportive in the reunion previews!) Contessa confides her fears about Dr. Scott’s life-coach secret to Jackie and Quad. They discuss the possibilities of him cheating. Both women have dealt with unfaithful spouses and offer support. Contessa says even the kids think Scott has a girlfriend. Ultimately, Jackie and Simone, having both been on the brink of divorce, conspire to have Curtis and Cecil bring Scott to the island to “work things out.”
Fun And Games, Until Someone Cheats
The women get dolled up and meet for dinner. Everyone is getting along famously! So Kari decides it’s time to earn her Bravo paycheck, aka “play a game.” Oh, no … All of the women will anonymously write down a rumor they have heard about another. Fun and games until the one about Anila not knowing how to budget comes up. Then, comes the one about $400 missing from Anila’s room. She believes either Kari or Lisa took it. WTF? She says they got ready in her room — but we see that other people were in and out.
And … wait for it … here it comes … Anila accuses Lisa of not paying her for her Instagram stories at $400 a shot. Lisa says they never discussed money — we saw that they did. But Anila didn’t send an invoice, and legit businesses pay off an invoice. Suddenly, Anila sees what it feels like to not get paid for services rendered. But the parallels with Toya’s glam squad sail right over her head. Anila joins Heavenly, Quad and Simone in the “burned in business by Lisa Nicole” 12-Step Program.
Rumble In The Jungle
Heavenly and Quad join Anila at the resort bar. Anila is a generous hostess, ordering multiple bottles of the “most expesiveist” sparkling wine, at $120 a bottle. And she charges it to Lisa’s room! She is determined to get her $600! After drinking two bottles and getting three bottles to go, the tab, with tip, is $595.20! Anila may not know how to budget, but she knows how to add!
While Quad worships at the porcelain throne, Contessa, Heavenly, Toya, Kari, and Lisa Nicole go out on a shrimp boat. Ironically, the guide shows the ladies a live stingray AND a live horseshoe crab. Kari is wearing a sequined Union Jack bikini that Heavenly mistakes for a Confederate flag. Meanwhile, Jackie, Simone and Anila tour the island from a golf cart. Jackie explains that perhaps it’s time for Anila to release her friendship with Toya. She and Simone elaborate on the rift in their friendship, now on the mend. They say they never got to fight it out, which calls for a Golden Girl Smackdown on the resort lawn. Their friendship looks to be back on track, despite recent statements to the contrary from cast members on WWHL.
Guess Who’s Not Coming For Dinner
As night falls, the men arrive. Curtis, Cecil and Scott find their wives resting up before dinner. Jackie and Simone clue their hubbies in on the plan to “lend support to the marriage,” aka sandbag Scott. Scott thinks he’s there for quality time with his wife. Everyone piles in to golf carts and meets up at a table on the lawn. Not one to dawdle, Heavenly starts in on Scott before the salads arrive. As Scott tries to get his bearings, Contessa admits she shared the life-coach concern with the ladies. Quad jumps in with more questions for Scott. Scott says he has Contessa’s back and she knows that. He knows her heart. This is naught but a bump in the road. The couple leaves. The “brilliant” plan has backfired.
Neither Cecil nor Curtis thinks this plan was fair. The ladies explain about the mysterious life coach. The guys know that’s off because recently, Scott told them he didn’t have one yet. Both men say that neither “side” has all of the facts. Quad and Heavenly leave to check on Contessa. They invade the Metcalfe room. For some reason, Scott decides to talk with them. He says his life coach is a man named Kevin Johnson. He just said it was a woman because he was irked with Contessa for nagging him. Heavenly says everything is a “mixed up ball of hurricane mess.”
6th Photo: Kari Toya Knock
Thin Walls And Naked Truth
The next morning, pajama-clad Kari visits Toya. Kari says at 8 a.m., she was awakened by a screaming Contessa, demanding to know about photos of naked women on Scott’s phone that she says he requested. So, naturally, the two decide to go check on Contessa. This time, Scott bails. Contessa slams the door, refusing to let production in the room. (No “Bravo, Bravo fucking Bravo” for her!) Scott joins Curtis and Cecil at the bar for a morning cocktail as they commiserate together. Meanwhile, mental giants Kari and Toya wander the halls in PJs, then realize they’ve locked themselves out of their rooms.
As Jackie asks Curtis if he thinks it went well and Simone asks the same of Cecil, both guys say no. Lisa Nicole is settling her final bill at the front desk when she learns of the $600 bar tab. She only drinks soda. Oops. Toya immediately figures out what happened. Lisa threatens Anila with legal action. Anila thinks it’s funny. Curtis and Cecil think it’s hilarious. Cecil says it’s the best payback move of any season. Kari and Heavenly each kick in $300. But we know that production PAYS FOR IT ALL. It’s going to be a long ride back to Atlanta. Nine hours on the road in a caravan of family vans. (219)
WTF Is Going On Now?
Heavenly: Still pretending Zach is on his way to becoming a real estate titan. The family is enjoying the lakeside “investment” home.
Simone: Still hoping Miles will “launch” and leave her with Cecil in the empty nest. It won’t be soon.
Jackie: With the house remodel complete, she is focusing on her podcast adventures.
Toya: Still trying to convince Eugene that playing pool is not good practice for playing tennis.
Anila: Still reveling in the 14k square foot monstrosity that went almost twice over budget at $3 million. Time to score some paying IG posts.
Contessa: Posting images of the family vacationing in Mexico as if all is ducky doodles in Marriageland.
Quad: Still living up the single life. Looking for the right real man to share her right real “assets.”
Next: Part One of the three-part reunion will be followed by Contessa and Quad on WWHL.