Before I dive in to this RHOBH recap, I want to send you to the Hustler & Housewives comment section. At the very end I’ve added a link to some photos of Erika out and about with unbrushed hair and no makeup looking a hot mess. Apparently her glam squad were miracle workers.
Erika Arrives To Great Fanfare
Clearly, at this point of filming, Erika Jayne still had her glam squad. All the girls cheer and clap for her arrival. Why? I find it hard to believe that not one person knows about all the lawsuits and allegations at this point. And, even not the Fox Force Five (whatever the fuck that means) are all still supporting her shady ass. Fun fact, I am drinking champagne at the same time they are. Only my champagne flute literally costs eleven times the price of the champagne. The flute was a gift. I paid for the champs. lol. I hate how they drink out of champagne coupes instead of flutes though.
Garcelle is always the truth teller and such a great addition to RHOBH. She’s Garcelle is rather appalled by Erika in general. Kyle says Mercury is out of retrograde and blames her fight with Dorit on the plane on the stars. Nope, Dorit is long-winded and annoying regardless of how the stars are aligned. I hate Garcelle’s super expensive bucket hat. It looks like it belongs on Dorit’s head. Dorit has nothing going for her other than designer clothes with giant logos. Garcelle doesn’t need that flashy, trendy crap. Kyle makes fun of Kathy because she’s the opposite of Dorit. She talks in shorthand and innuendos. Sutton mentions buying a new car. Guess what? Erika just bought a new Range Rover with the money earmarked for widows and orphans, ALLEDGEDLY.
The Elephant In The Room
Erika finally talks. She said she let go of her Lamborghini, her 16,000 square foot home, and she let go of her marriage. Aw, poor little formerly rich girl. And she didn’t let go of any of those things other than the shady divorce from Tom in an attempt to hide assets. ALLEGEDLY. She says she left because Tom “pushed her further and further out.” And their conversations were no longer the same. He only spoke a sentence or two. But, um just last week she was talking about how the best part of Covid was her long conversations with Tom over dinner every night. Which is it, girl? I don’t believe a word she is saying right now. Kyle and Rinna say she is taking a brave step. /eyeroll
Everyone goes outside for dessert but there doesn’t seem to be a place to sit. Kyle and Dorit go back inside to try to resolve their feud. They other ladies decide it is too cold outside and go back in. Kyle and Dorit quickly hug it out. Kyle and Dorit talk about Sutton and Crystal naked bedroom drama. I don’t believe Crystal’s version of the story entirely. Kyle doesn’t think Sutton had any ill intentions, let alone an intent to “violate” Crystal.
Random Filler Scenes
Garcelle meets with a “dating coach” to assist her to find a man. I feel like men are beating down her door. They certainly should be. She’s smart, beautiful, successful and financially independent. Meanwhile, Erica is in her new house. I love the new “little” house. I wonder where he son is living now. Again, I don’t believe a word out of Erika’s house.
Apparently, Sutton has never had a mammogram! (I haven’t had one in years) so Kyle made her an appointment. I hate going because they always “see something” on mine and want to do a sonogram. The last time a doctor tried to send me and I asked to go straight to the sonogram. Because I know how things are going to go, and he was a dick about it. Then, I didn’t have insurance and that was that. Kyle talks to Sutton about Crystal feeling violated. We finally see the footage. Sutton did not bring cameras into the room. She opened the door, dropped off the coat, and was in and out in under 30 seconds. There was no laughing, she said, “I don’t know what is going on in here, but I’m just going to put this here” and left. Crystal said, I’m just putting on my pajamas.”
Erika Jayne’s Explanations Don’t Add Up
Erika and Rinna go out for hot toddies at an outdoor Hotel bar. Erika continues her false narrative about her divorce. Erika said she drove Tom to work and dropped him off. She says she told him she loved him and he replied with, “Thanks Hon.” She went home and packed her shit and was out in one day. She did not leave a note. And that was that. Erika has ZERO acting skills. And her story doesn’t make any sense. She had a place already rented? I mean maybe. She claims that was the last time she talked to him. She says, “He’s got some real challenges in front of him.” She never mentioned Alzheimer’s disease.
Kyle is suddenly Team Sutton this week and it is weird. I mean I’m here for it but it is the first time she’s been supportive of her the entire season and now she’s acting like her BFF. Crystal is having some sort of dinner party at her house. My southern sister, Sutton brings Crystal a very expensive bottle of tequila as a hostess gift, even though Crystal is a total cunt to her most of the time. Everyone is ushered to the backyard. Garcelle, who is THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM (said in my Eboni voice) tells us when she was going through a divorce, she didn’t want to go anywhere. But, Erika walked in like “sex in heels.” Enjoy that glam while you can, future inmate number 90210. ALLEGEDLY.
Awkward Dinner Party Conversations
Erika starts talking about some sort of CBD sex oil that Kyle and Mauricio have been “enjoying” then she goes into an in depth discussion about how she rubs it all around the lady pond. As one does at a lovely dinner party at someone’s home with children. Garcelle wants the hookup on THAT. So she clearly is hiding a man somewhere. Also, Garcelle is my girl but she’s in some sort of athleisure shorts and a zippered jacket. Why? Crystal and Sutton go off to try to make peace again. Bless your heart, Sutton, no matter how sweet you are this bitch is never going to like you. Sutton says they promised not to talk behind each other’s back but Crystal still is. Production runs the footage to verify that.
Erika says she is going to go without sex for 90 days. I do not believe her. I feel like that apartment she had for a while is where she took her lovers. ALLEDGEDLY. Then, Sutton and Crystal go back outside. Sutton says they would like to put that awkward moment behind them. She also hold Crystal accountable for her malicious statement about “violating her.” Dorit of COURSE has to jump into the conversation that has nothing to do with her and repeat Crystal’s false narrative about the situation. Sutton is really sticking up for herself. I’m proud of her. Garcelle is clearly on Sutton’s side. Crystal says she is going to “believe” Sutton. Um, because it’s the TRUTH!
Crystal teaches the ladies to make dumplings. I would love for her to teach me how to make authentic dumplings. Everyone has been gifted personalized aprons. They look delicious! We end on a kumbayah moment. Next week looks good!