Well, who would have thunk it? It turns out that Shahs of Sunset is the best series on Bravo at the moment. I’m actually looking forward to a Shahs of Sunset recap for a change! Tonight, things are about to get really messy in Palm Springs. So let’s get right to all the drama. Y’all all I want to do is sleep! I’ve slept for hours and just want to sleep again. I hope I make it until 10 to watch the Mare of Easttown finale but it is not looking good. Don’t Spoil Me PUHLEASE!
Paulina Shows Up
We begin where we left off last week in the middle of yet another “Mike’s wandering dool” storyline. But first, Reza channels his inner middle schooler and opens a container of “liquid ass.” It’s 10 am and the drinking has begun. I’m not judging but by night time this will be a shit story. Mike continues to deny that his dool has wandered into other vaginas. He doesn’t understand why everyone keeps believing all the rumors. Golnesa and Mike get into a ridiculous about nothing. I love Mercedeh so much. She tells Reza that Mike had come to her house for dinner and told a long ridiculous story about how he is not a cheater. Nobody believes him. NO. BOD. EEEE. Oh look. Paulina has arrived.
Paulina is suspect. How do you date a guy on a reality show who has cheated on everyone he has ever been with and think, “Sign me up for that?” Why the hell is Reza crying to Mercedeh? I guess he is trying to make up with Mercedeh. Reza wants to meet baby Shams. I guess this is their fake makeup scene. I’m pretty sure it already happened before this scene. Mercedeh looks gorgeous in pink in the talking head. Suddenly, they are off to … play polo? Um, they do not know how to play polo.
Hold Your Horses!
Golnessa and Mercedeh both have fancy polo looks. Of course. Sunny, the event planner has something to do with this ridiculousness. I feel like we have seen Sunny before. Golnesa is so much mellower after having a baby. Golnesa feels bad that she didn’t give her son a father. Look at her thinking about other humans! I’m so happy with everyone this season. There is literally no one who has me in a boiling rage. I’m all caught up and in a commercial and for some reason I am looking around at all my art trying to figure out what I can live without when I downsize. So far, nada. Golnesa gets claustrophobic in the van. I get it.
Hilarity ensues when Mercedeh has to change her boots. She came with spikey heels to ride horses. Sigh. Nema is riding for the first time and he is sure he is going to die. Somehow, Mike is leading his horse. It’s silly. Meanwhile, Reza tells Paulina that he doesn’t want to be involved in the texting drama with Mike. So shut your damn pie hole, Reza. You are currently involving yourself! What in the holy hell is Reza wearing in his talking heads? It’s like some sort of sequined disco ball shirt last seen on The Golden Girls! In Mike’s talking head he describes Paulina as a deer and Reza as an alligator. Production on this show ROCKS. We need Ryan Seacrest Productions to produce ALL the Bravo shows! This cracks me up.
SHERVIN ALERT! SHERVIN ALERT!
Oh Shervin, how I have missed you! You are the better looking version of Mike who has some scruples. Everyone is happy to see him except for Golnesa. They apparently are not speaking. I am insanely happy to see Shervin. Nema talks to Shervin about Reza calling him a bitch. They talk about Golnesa not acknowledging his arrival. Nema is also still not talking to Golnesa. Nema is sad about that. Shervin doesn’t care. This season makes me happy. It’s just so good. I’m not even sleepy anymore!
The dinner party is beautiful. London gives us a whole long discussion about her “lesbian fantasies.” These people are insane. Reza falls out of his chair while screaming “I’m wearing Valentino!” Mercedeh tries to make up with Golnesa, but Golnesa is not very receptive. She’s also trying to keep Merce from making up with Destiney. One good part of this season is there is very little Destiney. WTF with this fire eater. I’m going to have nightmares. It’s a no for me, dawg. None of these people can carry a tune. The happy birthday song was worse than the fire fighter! Mike gives a toast and says that he lied to them all about the texting. Then he says there is a snake in the group who is trying to destroy his relationship with Paulina. Yes, Mike, the snake is IN YOUR PANTS. That was another great episode!