Y’all, I am somehow behind on this Top Chef Recap. I had to take a call back from my new lawn person. Old lady homeowner problems. In my twilight years, I plan to never be a property owner again. I’m going to take the money and run and live a lavish life. And if I miscalculate, I’ll just ask my imaginary gay husband to take care of me. lol. (I hope he doesn’t read this). I just found out my Top Chef Recaps are highly favored on Google. YAY! Thanks for reading!
The castmates are sad to see Sara go. Some thought she might win it all. Is this foreshadowing that she comes back? I don’t see that. But, I’d love a female winner. I just prefer some of the other contestants like Shota and Dawn. Tonight’s theme is Portlandia and I never watched that show so forgive me if I am lost on the concept. Part of me thinks maybe I don’t need to travel overseas anymore and maybe I should explore my own country more and go to Portland or Montana. Also Vancouver is calling me. Anyway, the quickfire is all old school kitchen stuff like the dreaded electric stove. I’m terrified of gas stoves so this would work for me. And, it also works for my girl Dawn.
Okay, I don’t really understand the challenge other than having to use “old school” methods. I mean this is something I always use. I’m not even going to run through all the things they made because quite frankly I am exhausted. A friend took me to Wal Mart to get a battery for my car that she INSTALLED! And so I was like fine we can shop here and it was GINORMOUS and I can barely move. Shota has to put on his hand what he used as ingredients. I love Shota AKA the Asian John Legend. I don’t have great facial recognition, but I see John Legend in his face a lot. Apologizes. It’s a mental deficiency. Jaime and Chris were in the bottom. Gabe and Maria were in the top. OH PLEASE LET MARIA WIN! Oh Dawn was in the top too! And she won! YAY! It’s her first win and she has an advantage in elimination!
Oh! This challenge is about making a recipe that takes only 90 minutes to prepare. AND!!! The have to write out their recipe I already know I would do my Berkshire pork chops with onions and pineapple and mango or whatever is on hand. I. Would. WIN. THIS. CHALLENGE. Okay probably not but I feel like I could for once. Top Chef uses the place where my Imaginary Internet husbands sometimes sends me pork chops. Because it is perfectly normal for someone to send you pork chops. Um, right? Anyway, the hard part is writing the recipe. I almost never use a recipe unless I am baking which I am loathe to do. I just put in some of this and some of that and taste.
Dawn won an extra 15 minutes on day two. And They have to make them all on the old school (lol) appliances. They are smart to just make up a recipe and then season as they go in my opinion. I could write you out a recipe but that changes every time for me. This is not BAKING (which is precise) it is COOKING ( I am gonna do whatever the hell the cooking gods lead me to at the time). I could never measure every ingredient. I taste as I go. Oh no! Things are looking bad for Maria. Oh no again. Shota has an eight year old son who lives in Korea who he only sees twice a year. I love Shota. I want him to win. Wait does someone have to follow the recipe?
OMG! Another Chef Has To Cook Their Dishes!
I wasn’t clear on that point. Even if I was the most experienced person there I could never do this and it is really shitty reason to someone home. When I cook, I constantly taste and make changes. Did they know that before they started because that would totally change my menu! THIS IS THE WORST CHALLENGE EVER. It is out of their hands. And here we go. This is so crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gabe’s dish was made by Gregory The judges love it. Shota and Kwame. Wow. Kwame is sort of entitled. Oh God. Banjo is distressed something is wrong I have to go. Fuck!!! I don’t know what is happening but Banjo suddenly needs lots of attention. Also, please when he dies don’t send me all the rainbow shit. I DO not WANT TO HEAR IT! Sorry back to the show. Banjo seems fine but unusually needy. So I am not going to recap this closely.
I’m sorry. Gabe won. Chris went home.